Good looking sibling and not so good looking sibling rivalry
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I am a gay man with three sisters and one brother.
One of my other sisters is extremely jealous of my pretty sister. This sister is average to below average in looks. She does nothing to fix herself up. Recently she lost about 50 pounds, so she is looking better, but she still makes zero effort with clothes, hair, makeup, etc. She is also quite bright and well educated but has never (to my knowledge) had a relationship that lasted more than two dates. Her personality is very overbearing and that (I think) is the number one impediment to finding a partner for her. She claims to love my "pretty" sister but always makes snarky comments about her looks, her dress and shoe size, her figure, the attention she gets, etc. Its clear she is very jealous and its awkward to be around. She also does things to sabotage her (minor things like using all the hot water before she takes a shower at my mother's house when we visit, eating food that is hers when we are all together, etc) and very obviously competes with her. My pretty sister pretends not to notice, but its overt.
I love both my sisters. How do I deal with this? Anyone else know a situation like this?
1) as stated, stay out of there love life. Why do you have to deal with this and we're talking grown women
And why did you have to start this off with "Im a gay man" Thats one of things that gays do that aggravates people, just be what you are and dont bring attention to it. Im gonna start off every thread and conversation now like "I'm Jack, Im heterosexual. Accept me for what I am"
Sounds like you were handed the peacemaker role at birth. I can relate. I find I get stuck in the middle a lot between my sister and mother. One of them is always coming to me about what the other one said and so forth. My sister is competitive with me. I dont think about our looks too often but apparently a few of her boyfriends and husbands (yes plural) have said that I was a pretty and nice person. This didnt go over well with my sis. Years ago she had a little too much to drink and asked me if I would ever sleep with her husband.
Personally I think these men were just being nice. I never once felt like anyone was going to hit on me. Every now and then my sister will take a dig at me and I know its her deep rooted insecure feelings. She makes good money and will always be a higher earner than me. This is her one up on me. She will ask me for advice on things, decorating, clothes etc. I will offer and say something like "oh and Macy's is having a sale on that right now." Her response is always along the lines of, "It doesnt matter if its on sale. I make really good money." She isnt a happy person and a lot of it is her sheety attitude.
I tend to ignore it most of the time but ya know...eventually it just becomes too much. I will have to give my honest opinion or stand up for myself. That usually doesnt go over well and I get the silent treatment for a little while, which honestly is kind of a nice break.
1) as stated, stay out of there love life. Why do you have to deal with this and we're talking grown women And why did you have to start this off with "Im a gay man" Thats one of things that gays do that aggravates people, just be what you are and dont bring attention to it. Im gonna start off every thread and conversation now like "I'm Jack, Im heterosexual. Accept me for what I am"
Wow-- not sure why THIS bothers you! He seemed to be just describing the family dynamic to me. I was not "aggravated" at all by this info.
He stated in another post that both sisters come to him asking advice about their love lives.
Where is the OP giving love advice or overly concerned with their love lives? I'm assuming he must be close to at least one of them and this comes up in discussion. Sounds normal to me. He's just giving some background. I guess the pretty sister lacks a backbone bc I sure wouldn't be sitting around for 40 something years letting anyone, including family, make catty or snide remarks. I will never get the whole "Oh, but they're family" type mentality where everyone sits there, shuts up, puts on a fake smile and pretends they don't notice someelse's god awful behavior. If I was the OP, I would have said something to bitter Nancy a long time ago, perhaps in private as not to start "drama."
I am a gay man with three sisters and one brother. One of my sisters is absolutely gorgeous and always has been. She is in her late 30s now and takes great care of herself-- people often mistake her for her 20s (I have seen it) and men throw themselves at her (I have seen this too.) She is not a snob or priss about her looks and she works very hard and is also very smart. Despite her beauty, she has not had great luck with men but there are no shortage of options for her to choose from. I have NEVER heard her brag about how good looking she is or do anything to make my other sisters uncomfortable.
One of my other sisters is extremely jealous of my pretty sister. This sister is average to below average in looks. She does nothing to fix herself up. Recently she lost about 50 pounds, so she is looking better, but she still makes zero effort with clothes, hair, makeup, etc. She is also quite bright and well educated but has never (to my knowledge) had a relationship that lasted more than two dates. Her personality is very overbearing and that (I think) is the number one impediment to finding a partner for her. She claims to love my "pretty" sister but always makes snarky comments about her looks, her dress and shoe size, her figure, the attention she gets, etc. Its clear she is very jealous and its awkward to be around. She also does things to sabotage her (minor things like using all the hot water before she takes a shower at my mother's house when we visit, eating food that is hers when we are all together, etc) and very obviously competes with her. My pretty sister pretends not to notice, but its overt.
I love both my sisters. How do I deal with this? Anyone else know a situation like this?
I don't know of any good way to deal with this. The only thing I can think of is get her with a professional that can get to the root of her issue.
She seems to be the type of person that likes to bring others that she is jealous of down in order to make herself feel better.
I guess the pretty sister lacks a backbone bc I sure wouldn't be sitting around for 40 something years letting anyone, including family, make catty or snide remarks. I will never get the whole "Oh, but they're family" type mentality where everyone sits there, shuts up, puts on a fake smile and pretends they don't notice someelse's god awful behavior. If I was the OP, I would have said something to bitter Nancy a long time ago, perhaps in private as not to start "drama."
Family dynamics could be why the pretty sister puts up with it.
In my family, I'm the pretty sister and my sister while she's not. She isn't traditionally pretty, but is very academically bright. My sister has huge hang-up on her looks but doesn't play up on what she does have - she does have great features, just doesn't know what to do with them. Growing up, people would call her "Peko-chan" because that's who she looked like. But anyway... my sister has made snide remarks towards my way and I can't really say anything about it because my mother will clamp down... ON ME. If I protest, it does start drama. Some things are just not worth it.
Family dynamics could be why the pretty sister puts up with it.
In my family, I'm the pretty sister and my sister while she's not. She isn't traditionally pretty, but is very academically bright. My sister has huge hang-up on her looks but doesn't play up on what she does have - she does have great features, just doesn't know what to do with them. Growing up, people would call her "Peko-chan" because that's who she looked like. But anyway... my sister has made snide remarks towards my way and I can't really say anything about it because my mother will clamp down... ON ME. If I protest, it does start drama. Some things are just not worth it.
Yes, this used to happen in my family too. There is always a perception that one who is "good looking" is somehow MORE responsible to turn the other cheek than one who is not. Its as if looks are the ultimate gift and if you posess that gift, you had better be ready to compensate everyone who does not. Another poster said that if the better looking sibling was being nasty, EVERYONE on here would be calling for blood. I think that's true. People want to hate someone who has more than they do and abuses what they have.
Looks are a matter of genetic chance. In the same family there can be quite a wide variation. I also think attitude and confidence can make up for a lot where traditional good looks are concerned. Sounds like the OP's sister needs to work on herself in those areas. OP, maybe you can help by encouraging her to get some therapy.
Yes, this used to happen in my family too. There is always a perception that one who is "good looking" is somehow MORE responsible to turn the other cheek than one who is not. Its as if looks are the ultimate gift and if you posess that gift, you had better be ready to compensate everyone who does not. Another poster said that if the better looking sibling was being nasty, EVERYONE on here would be calling for blood. I think that's true. People want to hate someone who has more than they do and abuses what they have.
Looks are a matter of genetic chance. In the same family there can be quite a wide variation. I also think attitude and confidence can make up for a lot where traditional good looks are concerned. Sounds like the OP's sister needs to work on herself in those areas. OP, maybe you can help by encouraging her to get some therapy.
Yes and yes.
I love my mama to death but she DOES act like the better looking sibling needs to somehow make it up to the not great looking one. She is a great believer in equality. I make more money than my brother, and she is always pressuring me to do things like buy him a car ("You can afford it!") even though he has never asked and would be mortified if he knew that my mom was advocating for this. I remember when we were all little, she wanted the less attractive sister to have nicer clothes all the time, as though the prettier one didn't really need the "help."
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Every now and then my sister will take a dig at me and I know its her deep rooted insecure feelings. She makes good money and will always be a higher earner than me. This is her one up on me. She will ask me for advice on things, decorating, clothes etc. I will offer and say something like "oh and Macy's is having a sale on that right now." Her response is always along the lines of, "It doesnt matter if its on sale. I make really good money." 
