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Old 04-30-2013, 12:37 AM
 
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you don't sound like much of a friend anyways tbh OP
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:43 AM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,210,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
you don't sound like much of a friend anyways tbh OP
Eh, I'm a great friend. I've helped them out numerous times, I'm great 1:1 conversation, I've listened to them vent and complain, and offered pretty spot on advice.

My friendship is worth more than I'm getting back, I believe. I'd like to toss it at someone who deserves it.

"I've got 4 other people wanting to hang out too" after you've gone out of your way to assist with things, is a jerk move and one sided.
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Old 04-30-2013, 02:19 AM
 
3,343 posts, read 5,739,437 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
This is currently happening in my life.

Someone wants to be friends, yet they already have many friends. When I message them to hang out, they usually rebuff and have other things to do.

Yet when I tell them the friendship isn't working and not satisfying my friendship needs (hanging out maybe once or twice a month or so), and that I can't be their friend anymore - they call me, say that's crazy, and what's wrong with me.

What are we suppose to do? Text a few more months, never see each other (they said it happens "naturally,"), and drag it out? What's the point of that?

Mutually losing each others numbers sound like a better idea..right?

Anyway, I lost theirs.

Hopefully they lost mine.

But it got me wondering what's the point of being friends with someone who already has lots of friends? That seems unfair, unbalanced, and like those friends should go towards others who don't already have them. Friendship rationing, if you will.
Are you a male or female? For one, if you're a male, females despise men who seem to be begging for their attention all the time or saying things such as 'this isn't working out'. I'm a jealous guy, I admit it to my girlfriend all the time and while we're still young of course we like to party from time to time, but because I'm not the type to like the party all the time as my girlfriend does, most of the time out of spite I party when she parties. We don't go to the same parties because my jealously would kick in if I saw her dancing with another dude.

But for you, you need interactions with people in a steady basis and that may be too much for him or her. I have close friends that I go for months without texting, then that one day happens when one of us need each other and we talk and eventually hang out but them we fall back off again. You don't need a friendship like that though, you need one where the person is there for you a lot more than every few months and that's understandable. I'd suggest you just find someone new or hang with existing friends as opposed to this one, he or she will come around again eventually and it'll be fun when you two do actually hang out because you'll have so much to catch up on.
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Old 04-30-2013, 04:33 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
10,321 posts, read 21,243,366 times
Reputation: 13826
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
This is currently happening in my life.

Someone wants to be friends, yet they already have many friends. When I message them to hang out, they usually rebuff and have other things to do.

Yet when I tell them the friendship isn't working and not satisfying my friendship needs (hanging out maybe once or twice a month or so), and that I can't be their friend anymore - they call me, say that's crazy, and what's wrong with me.

What are we suppose to do? Text a few more months, never see each other (they said it happens "naturally,"), and drag it out? What's the point of that?

Mutually losing each others numbers sound like a better idea..right?

Anyway, I lost theirs.

Hopefully they lost mine.

But it got me wondering what's the point of being friends with someone who already has lots of friends? That seems unfair, unbalanced, and like those friends should go towards others who don't already have them. Friendship rationing, if you will.
I don't get your concept of declaring your "friendship needs" and threatening to walk away if you don't get what you want. It's just bizarre and bossy.

If a friend has other friends or other plans, so be it. It doesn't mean you don't have a connection. It also doesn't mean they have an obligation to hang out.

If you feel like you're being used, then just don't answer the phone till you've listened to their message. If they invite you for dinner, then go. If they need help moving furniture, tell them you are too busy -- till you feel the score is close to equal.

Frankly, I think I know why they're too busy for you.
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Old 04-30-2013, 05:01 AM
 
Location: Arizona
6,546 posts, read 6,085,169 times
Reputation: 20368
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
This is currently happening in my life.

Someone wants to be friends, yet they already have many friends. When I message them to hang out, they usually rebuff and have other things to do.

Yet when I tell them the friendship isn't working and not satisfying my friendship needs (hanging out maybe once or twice a month or so), and that I can't be their friend anymore - they call me, say that's crazy, and what's wrong with me.

What are we suppose to do? Text a few more months, never see each other (they said it happens "naturally,"), and drag it out? What's the point of that?

Mutually losing each others numbers sound like a better idea..right?

Anyway, I lost theirs.

Hopefully they lost mine.

But it got me wondering what's the point of being friends with someone who already has lots of friends? That seems unfair, unbalanced, and like those friends should go towards others who don't already have them. Friendship rationing, if you will.
You find something wrong with friends having an active life? Most people don't sit around waiting for someone to call. They have plans.

You actually break up with friends? Not satisfying your friendship needs? Your friends are right. Whats wrong with you?
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Old 04-30-2013, 05:07 AM
 
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
11,091 posts, read 13,741,502 times
Reputation: 3927
Not really sure I understand this "friend breakup" thing..I have dozens of friends and I guess through the natural selection process its worked out to where I've surrounded myself with like minded people who are fun to be around and drama free for the most part.
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Old 04-30-2013, 08:13 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
41,651 posts, read 16,351,655 times
Reputation: 106687
Friends are among life's greatest treasures. Friendships need cultivation to stay alive, but they also need patience. I have a lot more in common with my busy friends than I do with acquaintances who have a lot of time on their hands.

Friendships should bring joy to your life; not frustration. If you don't care for someone's busy lifestyle, then simply let the friendship fade out. There's no reason to make any sort of announcement or accusation. I've been a very busy person all my life; yet I make time for friends who are dearest to me. It's very difficult sometimes because they are busy people, too. But we manage to work it out. It reminds me of the saying, "If you need something done, ask a busy person to do it." Busy people seem to always manage to make time for something else, whereas idle people don't get around to things as readily as their busy counterparts do. My busy friends and I still manage to get together for fun, and we are always there for each other in times of trouble. It's what good friends do.

OP, seek out new friends with whom you have more in common. Rather than dwell on the negatives in your current relationships, skip the big "we can't be friends anymore" announcement and form new relationships with people with whom you are more comfortable. As with romantic relationships, there's someone for everyone. Perhaps you are very young. In that case, you will learn as you age what true friendship is all about.

.
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Old 04-30-2013, 08:21 AM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,608,139 times
Reputation: 1541
^What PJ said.
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Old 04-30-2013, 08:50 AM
 
977 posts, read 1,638,791 times
Reputation: 1907
Couldn't agree more. It's totally one-sided and besides, you can really only get to know someone by spending time with them. Also, I don't like the type of person who has lots of friends - there's an air of pretentiousness and phoniness with such people anyway.
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Old 04-30-2013, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
11,091 posts, read 13,741,502 times
Reputation: 3927
Quote:
Originally Posted by Broncos Quarterback View Post
Couldn't agree more. It's totally one-sided and besides, you can really only get to know someone by spending time with them. Also, I don't like the type of person who has lots of friends - there's an air of pretentiousness and phoniness with such people anyway.
Not sure if that last paragraph was directed at me or not,but most I know with lots of friends are well grounded folks and not the least pretentious..otherwise I don't see how they would have any friends at all...a true friend is someone who will call you at 2am because the game warden is after him and he needs you to pick him up at a different boat ramp than he launched at and he calls YOU because he knows you could call him if the roles were reversed and he would do it and give you a butt chewing in a good natured way...just like I did him.
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