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Old 04-30-2013, 09:41 AM
 
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My friends and I have to make arrangements to get together as far as a month out. Same with my SO and his friends. They plan get togethers at least 2 weeks in advance. Why? Because everyone has lives, lives that include kids, family, spouses/SOs and--you guessed it--other friends. This time of year may be especially challenging because of weddings, graduations, first communions, Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc.

To have a friend, you must first be a friend. It sounds like you have made something of an effort at that, with trying to make plans and with lending a hand. But if your friends always have other plans, maybe you're not giving them enough lead time. If you really want to get things rolling, indulge in the introvert's nightmare: Have a party. It doesn't have to be big. If you're into any kind of sport, have them over for a playoff game. Right now both basketball and hockey are in playoff mode. Get some beer and a variety of munchies and have people over. Or, not to be trite, but join a club that meets regularly, like a hiking club.

But telling people they're not meeting your friendship needs? That's a social blunder. Friends don't threaten friends, and friends don't issue friends ultimatums. If a friendship isn't meant to be, it will peter out on its own. Flouncing isn't any more appealing or mature in real life than it is here.
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Old 04-30-2013, 04:12 PM
 
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Friends are not there to meet "your needs". Friends are people you choose to be around because you enjoy each other's company. I guess maybe I have the wrong idea of friendship, but I don't want to have to worry about meeting my friend's needs. I do things for them and see them because I want to. If they were to put pressure on me or bug me, they would no longer be my friends. Life is tough and full of pressures and demands. My friends help me relieve the pressure and demands just by being there...no stress.
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Old 04-30-2013, 10:15 PM
 
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I thought the 'meeting friendship needs' comment just meant that the OP had taken an NVC class. And that it might be tongue in cheek.
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