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Old 04-29-2013, 10:46 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,205,557 times
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This is currently happening in my life.

Someone wants to be friends, yet they already have many friends. When I message them to hang out, they usually rebuff and have other things to do.

Yet when I tell them the friendship isn't working and not satisfying my friendship needs (hanging out maybe once or twice a month or so), and that I can't be their friend anymore - they call me, say that's crazy, and what's wrong with me.

What are we suppose to do? Text a few more months, never see each other (they said it happens "naturally,"), and drag it out? What's the point of that?

Mutually losing each others numbers sound like a better idea..right?

Anyway, I lost theirs.

Hopefully they lost mine.

But it got me wondering what's the point of being friends with someone who already has lots of friends? That seems unfair, unbalanced, and like those friends should go towards others who don't already have them. Friendship rationing, if you will.
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:53 PM
 
14,900 posts, read 18,642,008 times
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I hear you. I feel the same way. Introverts unite!
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:57 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,205,557 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
I hear you. I feel the same way. Introverts unite!
I'm game, as long as it's not too often.
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:59 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,428 posts, read 3,550,879 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
Yet when I tell them the friendship isn't working and not satisfying my friendship needs (hanging out maybe once or twice a month or so), and that I can't be their friend anymore - they call me, say that's crazy, and what's wrong with me.
"satisfying your friendship needs"?

friends decrease stress and feelings of responsibility. friends understand if the other is busy. this sounds like the opposite to me

i don't think you're being very reasonable and your friend probably does not enjoy these unreasonable expectations you have
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Old 04-29-2013, 11:02 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
85,783 posts, read 79,084,517 times
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idk, I think the OP has a point. It's frustrating when you want to be friends with someone, but they're always busy. So, what's the point of calling yourself "friends"? So, just quietly move this person to a back burner, OP, and look for people who are more available to be friends with. You don't have to make an announcement, just move on with your life.
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Old 04-29-2013, 11:09 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,428 posts, read 3,550,879 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
So, just quietly move this person to a back burner, OP, and look for people who are more available to be friends with. You don't have to make an announcement, just move on with your life.
there's a big difference between this and what the OP did ("tell them the friendship isn't working... and that I can't be their friend anymore")

i know someone who does things like this. she loses friend after friend after some dramatic statement like this. somehow to her it's always the other person's fault... really though it's just one of many ways she's a bit too needy (she also is constantly talking only about herself, fishing for compliments, etc)

now maybe OP isn't like this of course, i am just going off my feeling that "breaking up" with friends (as the OP did) is not a healthy thing to do
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Old 04-29-2013, 11:17 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
85,783 posts, read 79,084,517 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OdysseusNY View Post
now maybe OP isn't like this of course, i am just going off my feeling that "breaking up" with friends (as the OP did) is not a healthy thing to do
This would be an interesting question for the non-romantic relationships forum. What do you do when a friendship goes sour, or you realize it's very one-sided? Do you just slowly phase yourself out of their life, just slowly disappear? If they're used to calling you or asking for favors, or something, do you have to make a formal break-up? hmm... I guess this thread belongs on the other forum, actually.
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Old 04-29-2013, 11:17 PM
 
14,900 posts, read 18,642,008 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
I'm game, as long as it's not too often.
Ahahahaha.
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Old 04-29-2013, 11:21 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
13,527 posts, read 18,641,913 times
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I don't know if you have to do anything. IMO, they're just acquaintances until friendship is formed.
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:35 AM
 
6,756 posts, read 8,795,533 times
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I've encountered this, too, people making a big deal about how they want to be friends and then not doing what I think of as friend behaviours. Like ever hanging out. It seems to be something social-butterfly types do. I don't get it, either. I figured it was some kind of social cue that meant something in their circles but was gibberish in mine. ::shrug::
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