Reasons people gossip and the ignorance of people who believe their garabage (male, member)

[cloven]

I mind my own business, and avoid those people who would gossip-
leaves me rather isolated, but keeps me from being drawn into other folks' drama.

It's just that one doesn't always know ahead of time who will turn out out be a closet gossiper-
and you don't have to willingly associate with such a person for them to enlist you in their drama anyway (alas).

[fallingwater]

Ha, have you met my in-laws? I have never in my life met a large group of people where it is totally acceptable to make up stories, lie and gossip about each other. My husband said its just part of being a large family. I dunno. I have friend that comes from a large family and general gossip is probably the norm but outlandish lies and others so willing to believe? No. Sigh. I got my first taste when my husband and I were living together. He already owned a home when I met him. A tiny house that was built right after WWI. It was a government project where these tiny homes were built for the widows that lost their husband's in the war. The house was no larger than 500 sft. It was a good starter home for us but wanted to move after we had lived together for 5 yrs. It was only a one bedroom house. Not exactly an easy sell.

No one in my husband's family ever visited us. EVER. We also went to everyone else's houses. So we contacted a realtor and she was honest and said it could take a year to sell the place. It needed a very specific buyer. So we put a sign in the yard and hoped for the best. We were going to a family BQ in a week and figured we would tell the family we were gonna try and sell the house. Well low and behold by some odd chance my BIL happened to drive by and saw the sign. He immediately ran back to the family and said the house was up for sale. The whole family was a buzz! My one SIL who ended up being a big problem for years told my MIL that I wanted to move out of state and she convinced the whole family I was scheming to secretly get my husband (their beloved son/brother) to move out of state and not tell anyone.

Meanwhile my husband and I had no idea any of this talk was going on. A few days later my MIL calls up my husband telling him that I was evil person and so on. He asked her what the hell was going on and she told him about how we had the house up for sale as a secret and we were gonna move out of state and not tell anyone. He told her none of that was true, we planned on mentioning it the next coming weekend at the BQ and the house will take a long time to sell. To add insult to injury for me, we had found another house only a few blocks from my MIL. So not only was I evil, I was about to buy a damn house closer to this woman. We set everyone straight and then everyone acted like it wasnt a big deal. I didnt appreciate being called evil. We sold the house within a few weeks to our surprise and then ended up being close to my MIL for about 6 yrs. I could give you story after story of this type of nonsense. Well evil me did get my husband to move out state 20 yrs later. Should have done sooner.

[sleepless in Bham]

Originally Posted by Know Nonsense

Gossip is really for people who have no life of their own.It is the fantasy of fools.A real man does not "gossip".

THANK YOU!!!!. Ive been pushing this message for years, but alot of times it falls on deaf ears. Now days men engage in gossip and drama more than ever and its sickening.

[swgirl926]

Hopefully, most times it's because the person is insecure and maybe doesn't have a better way of capturing someone else's attention. I'll cop to doing this when I was about 11, and I'm still embarrassed by the way I acted. But I learned better ways to associate with other people. Must suck to be the old ladies that hang out in the lobby in the building where my mother lives. All they DO is sit there and talk smack about the other people who live in the building. There must be something that the people listening to the gossip get out of it though, too. Like they're priviledged to be getting some classified info or something. The tabloids aren't exactly going broke.

[Pikake]

If they gossip to you, they will gossip of you.

My coworkers are prime examples of the above. They have diarrhea of the mouth.

[Mac15]

Originally Posted by Know Nonsense

Everyone knows or has known one of these people who are really insecure with themselves so they have nothing better to do than make up unsubstantiated stories about you or others.Sometimes you kind of feel sorry for these types of people so you associate with them telling yourself that they are really "good people" that have just have a different outlook on things when in reality they are only a waste of time and nothing but unneeded stress.Anybody know one of these "people"? I find it best to remove these people.They seem to have a lot of self responsibility problems and like to blame everyone else with no accountibility for themselves and what they do.

I hate those people and avoid them with the plague.

[Creature of the Wheel]

When the people doing it are blood relatives of mine, it's difficult to not hear about something I had supposedly done. I've cut those people out of my life a few years ago. They're even more pathetic than I had originally thought. Even though I cannot pick my relatives, I can pick who I do and don't socialize with. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't care if any of them died in a fire. I wouldn't even show up to their funeral.

[laorbust61]

Originally Posted by Know Nonsense

Everyone knows or has known one of these people who are really insecure with themselves so they have nothing better to do than make up unsubstantiated stories about you or others.Sometimes you kind of feel sorry for these types of people so you associate with them telling yourself that they are really "good people" that have just have a different outlook on things when in reality they are only a waste of time and nothing but unneeded stress.Anybody know one of these "people"? I find it best to remove these people.They seem to have a lot of self responsibility problems and like to blame everyone else with no accountibility for themselves and what they do.

The people you describe have managed to tick off annoy and betray so many people, you see them pop up at gatherings were they were either reluctantly invited or NOT invited. They're like a smelly pile of feces in the middle the of the room no one wants to approach and ask to leave because then they would have to interact with them and get the stench on themselves. I have a brother, a cousin and an aunt by marriage like this. Why do they even show up? No one can stand them.. They're nothing but liars, scandalmongers and instigators. They're not happy unless they're manipulating or preying on some poor un-suspecting or trusting slob.

[R. Crusoe]

Originally Posted by stava

This kind of person is oftentimes immature and incredibly envious. Their gossip is a way to trash other people AND draw the attention to themselves. You can't get much more immature than that. Underneath that immaturity is a deep insecurity, which is why they feel the need to bring others down. It's best to just avoid these people as much as you can, and if you can't avoid them, then understand that it is not safe to be yourself with them or divulge any personal information. With some people, you can search and search and search for their better nature, but you're not going to find it because it's not there!

Very well said indeed.

I think people who gather personal information of others deviously, then deliberately create negative stories with it, and spread gossips and rumors around in a form of systematic character assassination for the sole purpose to defame have deep rooted psychological problems. These are the people who, either consciously or subconsciously, carry their inferiority complex all their lives like a boulder chained to their necks.

Not only are they deeply insecure, envious and have a fetish need to bring others down for pleasure, they also have serious control issue. They think by possessing certain information on others which they use to target certain unsuspected individuals, and by deliberately creating damaging stories and rumors with that information, then spread those out in their social circles would give them a sense of superiority and power over their victims, the power of subjecting their victims at wills to public humiliation and defamation.

I suspect that it has something to do with their up-bringing, social class and background which leaves them feeling somewhat vulnerable and lack of control over their own lives. They somehow foolishly believe they can regain that lost control by controlling others in their own evil ways. It is deeply sinister to say the least.

It reminded me of stories I’d heard about how some people were treated during some revolution in certain country decades ago, how this type of behavior was used as a tactic in class struggle, and how victims were framed with fictional crimes, utterly defamed in the society and subjected to cruel and brutal public humiliation and punishment. Such is the outcome when this type of antisocial behavior left unchecked and gone into extreme.

I thought we’d come a long way since then and were much civilized than that....

[The Postman]

I hate it when people just believe hearsay without first hearing it from the horses mouth. I'm generally suspicious if someone tells me something about someone else, don't believe everything you hear.