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Old 05-21-2013, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Up North
3,410 posts, read 7,891,658 times
Reputation: 3066

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Quote:
Originally Posted by chilaili View Post
If you hate them so much why are you still hanging around with these people? Maybe it's time you found some new friends?
We have known each other through childhood for 10+ years. They were both happy children & teenagers. Not sure what happened while I was living out of state.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Why do you attract all these sad sacks? Sounds like they are using you to dump all their problems on. Get away from that pity party, honey.

Not sure. But I know depression irks me more than most people because I grew up with a depressed mother. I just have no tolerance for it unless there is a specific reason sun as mourning a loss, a break up, etc.

I think I'm just a caring person and I like to help people when they are having issues but it has gone too far. I'm like an unpaid head shrink.
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Old 05-21-2013, 01:11 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 11,398,075 times
Reputation: 8956
From what you've described, the situation is not reciprocal - so ask yourself what you are getting out of it - what is your payoff for hanging out with depressed people?

I would think it might be healthier to not have any "friends" than to have friends who contribute nothing but heartache and grief to your life. Why do you continue to entertain them as friends?
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Old 05-21-2013, 01:13 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 11,398,075 times
Reputation: 8956
The one or two you really care about I would talk to, sincerely, and let them know you have needs to . . . and that friendship is not just a one-way street. Let them know how their neediness and acting out has impacted you and that you view them as victims. Maybe in a mediated environment - with a counselor or something . . .
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Old 05-21-2013, 01:21 PM
 
1,092 posts, read 3,044,235 times
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You grew up with a depressed mother and are choosing people with those same tendancies. Therapy can help you to break destructive patterns. If you have lots of hostility towards your friends, you're not good for them either, btw...
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Old 05-21-2013, 01:54 PM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,579,126 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pear Martini View Post
But what if I care about these people because we grew up together?

The most depressed one is almost a surrogate sister to me (we are both only childs).
Yep. Healthy detachment. It's about helping people without making their problems, your problems.

But going forward with new people, pick new people. It helps you get balance so that you're not surrounded by people who make you feel drained. You need to find people who uplift you as we'll because you're surrounded by those who drain you continuously, where does that leave you? Who and whats replenishing you?
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Old 05-21-2013, 01:58 PM
 
35,107 posts, read 42,967,220 times
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So quit associating with all of the people you are sick of dealing with and move forward in your life.

YOU are allowing them to use you as whatever it is you say they are using you for. When they call and ask you to do something just say NO, it is that simple. Eventually they will quit calling.

Then in the future quit allowing people to treat you like this and be done with it.
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Old 05-21-2013, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Colorado
4,308 posts, read 12,190,180 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pear Martini View Post
We have known each other through childhood for 10+ years. They were both happy children & teenagers. Not sure what happened while I was living out of state.
That doesn't mean you have to stay friends with them. Even if you're wanting to try and pull them out of whatever funk they're in, at some point they either have to take responsibility for their own lives or find professional help. Unless you're a qualified psychologist and can get paid for it, I wouldn't keep on trying to fix them. You owe it to yourself to be happy with the people you have in your life. You don't have to cut them off completely - that might backfire with lots of hurt feelings and recriminations - but maybe lessen the amount of contact you have and focus on finding better adjusted friends elsewhere.
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Old 05-21-2013, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Between West Chester and Chester, PA
2,808 posts, read 2,557,022 times
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Want to rid yourself of the depressing people in your life? Move on with yours and leave them in the dust!
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Old 05-21-2013, 03:02 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,119 posts, read 8,828,894 times
Reputation: 11672
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pear Martini View Post
I strongly believe that most people can CHOOSE to be happy. Sure, maybe 15% of depressed people have a chemical imbalance but I think most depressed people are just comfortable playing the role of victim vs. being a survivor.
I don't disagree with this at all. But it's not always that easy. Some people just have those tendencies to be sad and depressed and instead of taking steps to improve themselves they dump all over everyone. I didn't mean my first response to be harsh because I definitely know the kind of person you're talking about - the world is against them, they complain all the time, you dread asking them how they are, and they don't give anything supportive back to you. But you can't control them - only you. I think it's okay to cut people out or at least minimize the amount of time you spend with them. You can't force them to have a more positive outlook on life and you are probably somewhat enabling this kind of behavior if you always play therapist and listen to their complaining.
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Old 05-21-2013, 03:36 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,849 posts, read 31,524,510 times
Reputation: 22458
Quote:
I am so fed up! I'm a 24 year old commuter student so my classes aren't really conducive to making new friends. But I need new friends. It is so hard for me to have to rely on mostly depressed emotionally weak, spoiled, invalid personalities for my socializing.
I would look to make friendships from school organizations that promote a positive mindset. In your business department, see if there are any young entrepreneur organizations or organizations for young people seeking to become small business owners when they graduate. They are usually filled with very positive people who want to make the world a better place.

You could also look into the agriculture department. Usually, people who are into farming, animal husbandry, etc., are positive, hard-working people. If your college has any organizations targeted at farming or agriculture, these are where you are going to find people who are decent, centered human beings without a ton of drama.

You also have to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself what is it about YOU that is attracting this kind of person. Most likely you are a very kind and good listener. These are great qualities to have, but unfortunately, people like to take advantage of it. You have to learn how to gracefully get the message across that you are not interested in listening to their misery. It may take a few times before they get it.

20yrsinBranson
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