Why are people afraid to talk? (spouse, father, husband, person)

[Tell-the-Truth]

And this is assuming it applies to you, someone you know or you can offer valuable insight
I understand that anonymity(on a forum) makes it attractive to ask questions and seek advice about various relationship issues but it seems many people either refuse, are afraid or are unable to communicate to their partners, bff's, spouses, children, co-workers, family members.

Why?

Are people in life that unapproachable? Or have we not learned the art of communication ourselves?

[purehuman]

good question. I wonder why too...I'm thinking communication face to face is a lot harder than on a forum.

[chilaili]

Usually ecause we're afraid of the reaction we might get or we don't know what the reaction will be and how to handle that. Maybe we know the other person is going to freak out or we want help with how to approach a difficult subject with someone who is going to react badly. Eg; I never tell my father anything bad to his face because I know it will result in hours of ranting, name-calling, bullying, intimidation and threats. So I write him a letter and then wait for him to calm down before talking in person with my (repeated) explanations and rationale.

Sometimes we know we're going to cause a loved one pain so we want assurances that we're not bad people.

[bluemonday]

Here's a example...I speak to one of my sisters about a minor health issue, like kidney stones. Before you know it, she has told my parents I am dying. They are family, I love them, but they can be the worst people to talk to sometimes!

Also, some people in life have more acquaintances then friends, or their friends do not relate well to them...so it is easier to find someone to talk to certain stuff online. For example, a lot of my other married friends have kids, so they can not understand why I have no desire to have them. My single friends can't relate to having a husband. So, to find the childless folks who are married who can understand me, I go on-line.

[Tell-the-Truth]

I'm referring to situations where a spouse is having issues with another and doesn't speak to them personally. Someone is having an issue with a roommate but does not confront them. A neighbor has issue with another yet has never once communicated it. A parent has an issue with a teen child but doesn't sit them down and talk etc.....

[kc chris]

They aren't afraid of talking, they're afraid of being judged or upsetting someone, especially by those who mean the most to them in their lives.

[foma]

I think ppl are afraid of rejection. I have a hard time in real life opening up for that very reason. With my husband though, I don't hold anything back. I try to be as honest as I can with him. Here's an example of feeling rejection though: the other day on FB, I was invited to do this photography project so I joined the group. I'm never going to meet these ppl - strictly online - but I thought I'd throw it out there and introduce myself. I didn't say anything too far out - just a "hi", my level of experience, and how I was looking forward to the project. I got no responses. And there goes the feeling of rejection ...

[dr74]

Directed towards the OP…

I find that the art of communication is not “dead” however I do feel that some people lack effective communication skills which do not allow them to express themselves the way they want to.
Some people lack the words in which to explain themselves and this is okay, for some they were not exposed to it in their relationships with others.

I BELIEVE that some posters whom have questions may in fact have spoken to others regarding their issues but often times when we are speaking to friends ot family they have a natural bias because they know us on a intimate familial or friend level, so objective advice ot counsel is hard to trust since there may be other factors involved.

Take me for example…

I tell my mother almost everything, almost, but there are some things I will not discuss with her in it’s entirety because her views are different from mine, she is very old world and it is not relevant to some of the issues I would like to discuss with her.

I tell my dad very minimal things unless they are very important and life changing, he is not very good at communicating but when it is an important matter he is a good listener and has excellent advice.

I have several good friends and of course my sissy, I tell them everything since they understand and can be objective for the most part.

To start a thread on a public anonymous forum? There is some safety in it, since you are getting the opinions of many people that have no stake in your future, progression and so forth, they read it, think on it, and reply based on personal experiences and from their personal belief systems and core moral beliefs, so any poster can draw from whatever is posted that best suits them.

[Tell-the-Truth]

The purpose is not to neccesarily judge those who choose to come on forums and seek advice. It's to gain different perspectives on communicating...or not!

[Tell-the-Truth]

That being said, I, personally am of the opinion that the more intimate the relationship, the more it behooves the people involved to speak to one another, first.

Actually, is there "intimacy" without communication? And, again not just referring to romantic relationships.