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Old 09-21-2013, 12:10 AM
Location: san francisco
28 posts, read 43,174 times
Reputation: 43


moved here when I was 5 and I basically consider myself a native. Anyways I feel I am having a hard time trying to find like minded people, friends, and a girlfriend. The problem is my high school friends mostly left and I am not close to them anymore. I have one friend I hang out with but he is a downer and negative because he is insecure about himself and while we go to bars and do things on Saturday and Friday nights it’s not the same when you don’t have a group and I am finding out he is not a good fit as a friend. I am an artist and currently take a drawing class in Berkeley and live with my parents, as I am trying to look for a job so I can move out of my parents. I am currently getting help from career centers etc. and I’m hoping I get a job soon. I also just converted to Catholicism and while I like my church because it is on the more progressive side there are barely and younger people to do things with, I also would like to meet a woman who is Catholic. I am very involved at my church in that I help with Communion and bringing up the gifts to the Altar, but other than that I have not really gotten close to anyone because there is no one my age. I also help a disabled lady for volunteer work.

Secondly dating has just sucked. It seems like every date vie gone on has been a disaster, and have had no luck in bars meeting women, my next goal is to find a catholic girl but I seem to have no luck with that either. I am tall, handsome and smart and workout two days a week and run three days a week and stay in shape, I am also a vegetarian. It just sucks to never have anyone next to you or do things with and because I’m single it makes me not want to enjoy life because I’m always surrounded by happy couples. My last go was an older woman and I am attracted to older women, as women I have slept with have been older, but have had so little experience with dating except my ex and those disastrous dates.

Thirdly I want to meet friends, I don’t get it I am outgoing, "appear confident" and am pleasant. I have no one to go out and do things with and a group would be nice. I feel this way I could be distracted by the loneliness in my own head and have people to talk to and up the possibility of meeting a potential mate, I am seeing a therapist and taking Zoloft but I want to try and improve my life. In my class I’ve tried chatting up women about their drawings and they don’t seem receptive, I used to be really shy and I’m working on not being shy.

Fourthly While I love the Bay Area I’m starting to feel like there is no room for a person like me. I'm feeling like maybe because I’m religious in an atheistic place that is a problem, even though I’m liberal. I feel like I don’t fit in with the hipster scene, also the bar scene in San Francisco is bro-douche types and maybe women don’t like me because I’m not like that.

I know whining and complaining are for a sissy and I don’t let these feelings out because I don’t want to be seen as weak or insecure. But I feel like most days I’m going through the motions and while I accept that at this time in my life because I’m looking for employment, I know that If I had to live with this my whole life I would sin and kill myself because I could not live with all this uncertainty with few friends and living with your parents. I know I have to work on my confidence and God wants me to work on myself and bettering others I just feel so depressed when I see people getting together on Friday or Saturday nights doing stuff together, or happy couples with lives and I am single and alone with few friends living with my parents. It makes me ashamed of myself and sometimes I feel worthless because I am working my ass off to change my life and nothing seems to work. I also think when it comes to dating women in the bay area are shallow and only date if you have money and are fake.
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Old 09-21-2013, 01:06 AM
Location: Oakland, CA
5,129 posts, read 6,683,324 times
Reputation: 4673
You already posted on this topic before, and the advice people have to give you isn't going to change.
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Old 09-21-2013, 01:29 AM
Location: san francisco
28 posts, read 43,174 times
Reputation: 43
no it isnt the same topic.
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Old 09-21-2013, 03:20 AM
Location: US
19,922 posts, read 19,783,801 times
Reputation: 15869
The Bay Area is huge, so if you feel like you can't fit in anywhere in the Bay Area then you won't feel like you fit in anywhere in the world. Try meetup.com
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Old 09-21-2013, 09:12 AM
Location: san francisco
28 posts, read 43,174 times
Reputation: 43
i guess meetup is worth wnother try in terms of christian groups, i tried a cougar and cub thing and it was a disaster, i dont think dating meetups are good on their.
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Old 09-21-2013, 09:36 AM
Location: SF Bay Area
1,506 posts, read 2,574,834 times
Reputation: 1911
If your interested in meeting catholic girls, join one of the single adult groups that many catholic churches have (some even have groups by age range). My brother dropped in on one and it was mainly women in their 20's. They kept calling him to come back!
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:06 AM
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
16,254 posts, read 28,125,277 times
Reputation: 21614
You want to date but may be missing an important tool. Dating is a lot like fishing. When you fish you need to bring some bate.

Here is the deal. Forget about why you can not date. Forget about how women are not coming your way or giving you a second or maybe not even a first look. Forget about all of that. Forget about feeling sorry for yourself.

Now for finding some great bate.

1. Before you do anything, look at your life. Pick apart you. You want to get rid of things that hold you back. You want to get rid of your hangups. You want to focus on goals both short and long term. we are not talking about dating goals, just get rid of those thoughts right now. Eliminate that as a goal. No dating for you. Before you can date you need to fix you. I would get a notebook and find a place you can sit down without distractions and dream a bit. Dream of the perfect life. Kind of car, kind of home, kind of career, everything that you want write it down. You build the life that you want on paper. Next, create attainable goals on how to acquire those dreams that you have. Chart a course of action in how you are going to get from where you are to where you want to be. If you don't know how to get from step A to step B then look again untill you can answer that question, create new steps, or refine the goal. This is a plan of action for you.

2. You need to finance the plan. I would make building a career, building a business, creating opportunities as your number one goal. Time to become a man my friend. Art can wait for now. Money making is what you need. Spend your time working on that. Think about that. Find ways to increase the size of your bank account. Women love men that can support themselves and are go getters. The fact is a lot of men have met their SO's at work. Even if you have to work 2 or 3 part time jobs, so what.
You mentioned that you are trying to get a job. How many hours a day do you spend working on that? Are you out there asking around, filling out applications, sending out your resume. What is your game plan? Do you contact employers that you have applied to? I know things have been bad in the employment arena but still their are jobs out there. Have you considered part time giggs? Writing jobs? Have you looked at Craiglist for jobs or short time giggs? Then again maybe a job is not for you. Consult your plan, your goals that you wrote down. What does your money making plan say is the way to go?

3. I am not going to hold back on the punches at this point. Tell me honsetly how many women do you think are interested in finding someone of your age still living at home? Women are not normally looking to find someone that they can financially support. They are looking for someone that brings as much or more to the table than them. Unless all you are looking for is lots of one night stands you need to work on getting your own casle to call home. You say that you have tried out the Cougar's in your area. They may be after something young, but they still want someone that is accomplished. If you are in the middle of your plan and are just starting to make money explain that to them. Women love to hear that you have a plan and that even if you are not where you want to be that you are working on getting your own roof to live under. I am not saying it is a bad thing to live under your parents roof, but it is bad to not have a plan of action to get out from under your parents roof and under your own.

4. Become interesting. Keep taking the art class. educate yourself, build a better you. Stay active. become presentable. You don't have to spend lots of money to look good. Take care of what you do have and get a sence of style. You want to become someone that others will want to be around. Share your interests with others. Make the conversation about something other than you. It is all about common interests. When you are interesting women and even men will flock to you. They will want to be around you.

5. When you have met someone you are interested in and the time is right, get to know that person. Take interest in what they are saying and doing. Ask questions about what they are doing. If you see a woman with a specific item find out about that item. My wife loves Coach purses. She has a collection of them. I learned all I could about Coach purses. I learned about the company. I learned about the styles. This is something that she is interested in so it automatically became something that I was interested in. Do the same with the person you are interesed in. Showing interest in someone else and the things that they are interested in makes them want to stay around longer.

I hope that helps. I hope you will find happiness. Take your time and put a plan of action into place.
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:33 AM
Location: State of Transition
84,434 posts, read 77,616,808 times
Reputation: 85600
There are several Catholic universities in the Bay Area. It shouldn't be difficult to find 20-something women who are Catholic and interested in dating. Many of them stay around after graduating. You just need to find them.

Why have your dates been disasters? I think that's the main question here.
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Old 09-21-2013, 11:28 AM
Location: A bit further north than before
1,595 posts, read 3,286,100 times
Reputation: 1301
You posted this exact same question a couple months ago. Troll?
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Old 09-21-2013, 11:36 AM
Location: Eureka CA
9,305 posts, read 12,068,916 times
Reputation: 14439
You don't have a job and you wear your religion on your sleeve. I'm surprised you get any dates at all.
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