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What's with all this damn forced social pressure today. It's sickening. If people don't want to deal with social family gatherings they shouldn't be forced to and have the guilt like they just committed genocide thrown on them. Some of us are just introverts who want to stay the hell away from idiots we don't want to hear blabber on, be it family or not. I'm perfectly comfortable just eating by myself for the holidays. I don't need to be around a large group of people. Not all of us have to be socialites.
It's like you're committing one of the seven deadly sins just being a loner today and not needing to be around people 24/7
It is peculiar to go to a social event and not say a word. Extreme introverts should be at least a little conversant or stay home. As you would rather do. And that’s fine.
It is peculiar to go to a social event and not say a word. Extreme introverts should be at least a little conversant or stay home. As you would rather do. And that’s fine.
It's peculiar to blabby extroverts who ramble on at the mouth 24/7. Perfectly normal to introverts who aren't comfortable or good at small talk. The introvert was forced to go chances are by the extroverts. Most introverts can't deal being in large groups as well. It's very draining to an introvert. They need just 1 on 1 conversation
Thanksgiving is coming up and it is our turn to invite the relatives to our home.
One of my cousins shows up to extended family events with his wife and for some reason does not say a word to anyone. His wife just says hello and that is it. I have tried a number of times to engage them in conversation wanting to be a good host but they act like I am bothering them and go mute. He and his wife is invited because of tradition and they are family. My cousin is completely mute and does not talk to anyone, not one word. (He used to talk years ago so I know he can talk.)
To me someone who shows up at someone's home and does not say one word the entire time is incredibly rude. When I ask the other relatives about the mute cousin they just act embarrassed and say something like, "Oh, he is just shy." I don't consider mute to be shy, I consider it rude!
Would I be rude by not inviting him to our home to join the normal group of twenty relatives for Thanksgiving?
Why would you even need to ask this question? Of course you shouldn’t ask these people to your home for dinner. Just because they are family does not mean you invite people like this so they can be rude to everyone. They deserve each other, they do not deserve the opportunity to ruin your holiday. Geesh!!!
Thanksgiving is coming up and it is our turn to invite the relatives to our home.
One of my cousins shows up to extended family events with his wife and for some reason does not say a word to anyone. His wife just says hello and that is it. I have tried a number of times to engage them in conversation wanting to be a good host but they act like I am bothering them and go mute. He and his wife is invited because of tradition and they are family. My cousin is completely mute and does not talk to anyone, not one word. (He used to talk years ago so I know he can talk.)
To me someone who shows up at someone's home and does not say one word the entire time is incredibly rude. When I ask the other relatives about the mute cousin they just act embarrassed and say something like, "Oh, he is just shy." I don't consider mute to be shy, I consider it rude!
Would I be rude by not inviting him to our home to join the normal group of twenty relatives for Thanksgiving?
It's peculiar to blabby extroverts who ramble on at the mouth 24/7. Perfectly normal to introverts who aren't comfortable or good at small talk. The introvert was forced to go chances are by the extroverts. Most introverts can't deal being in large groups as well. It's very draining to an introvert. They need just 1 on 1 conversation
I understand the bit about introverts being drained by having to talk when they don’t want to. But if an introvert goes to an event whereby the attendees all sit down at a table for dinner, it is not fair of that introvert to add nothing to the evening other than their presence. (Unless they are musical and can provide that type of-entertainment.). Personally, I will ask an introvert a question directly, so that they have to say SOMETHING.
Can't believe I got a rep from 2013 that brought me back to here! Thanks...very entertaining thread.
and it doesn't matter that the OP is long gone; it is a relevant issue for us, obviously.
(I'm the 9th post, can't believe it...he was a troll and I had him on Ignore later in '13!! Hahaha)
Btw, I had never considered that his wife may have dragged him there!
Not saying even ONE word is pretty darn severe...in what way, mental...I dunno..if the story
has any truth at all, I mean.
Talking to him somehow throughout the year, sometimes, seemed very healthy, also!
I love seeing the thoughts of you guys.
I understand the bit about introverts being drained by having to talk when they don’t want to. But if an introvert goes to an event whereby the attendees all sit down at a table for dinner, it is not fair of that introvert to add nothing to the evening other than their presence. (Unless they are musical and can provide that type of-entertainment.). Personally, I will ask an introvert a question directly, so that they have to say SOMETHING.
To me they are fulfilling their commitment by showing up. As long as they are not causing a disturbance at the dinner who cares if they engage or not? Everyone is different. To force someone to do something they very clearly do not want to do is pretty selfish almost bullying.
To me they are fulfilling their commitment by showing up. As long as they are not causing a disturbance at the dinner who cares if they engage or not? Everyone is different. To force someone to do something they very clearly do not want to do is pretty selfish almost bullying.
Then why do these introverts attend? Because they want a free dinner and to be entertained by everyone else. Unless they bring food for everyone to share, they are bad guests if they don’t add to the conversation.
Then why do these introverts attend? Because they want a free dinner and to be entertained by everyone else. Unless they bring food for everyone to share, they are bad guests if they don’t add to the conversation.
To me a bad guest would be someone who got drunk and obnoxious or was constantly argumentative. I have gone to a family gathering where two family members got into a heated argument that ruined the festivities. To me that is much worse than someone who just politely and quietly attends the event. I had an uncle who was very smart, had a PhD and constantly bickered and argued over minutia. He was always right in his opinion. He would have been a much better guest as a wallflower.
So why would these introverts attend? Perhaps they felt they were doing the right thing and saying no would be rude or because they feel obligated to attend through pressure or guilt. More than likely they don't want to be there but are more or less forced to.
How about your hypothetical 97 year old great aunt? Who nods off during dinner and is barely coherent? Is she also a bad guest because she is not active in the conversation? Should she also be forced to stay home?
I don't do much of this sort of thing anymore, my family spread out all over and they don't get together much at all anymore but seriously how entertaining is something like this? It was hardly the highlight of the holidays for me. And free food? So they don't attend and the host family has one more portion of leftovers to eat or give to the dog. Big deal.
Last edited by Oklazona Bound; 12-10-2017 at 10:52 AM..
The claim of shyness is the biggest cop-out of all time. It is used to excuse a world of bad behavior. Does this mean you have to be a lampshade-wearing life of the party? Of course not. But if you are invited to someone's house and they feed you, to not speak to them is about the rudest thing you can do short of slapping them.
I have to disagree. Social anxiety can be devastating. Calling them rude is simply your inability to understand and accept that some people are different from you. I respect extremely introverted people. They are welcome at our table.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DorianRo
It's peculiar to blabby extroverts who ramble on at the mouth 24/7. Perfectly normal to introverts who aren't comfortable or good at small talk. The introvert was forced to go chances are by the extroverts. Most introverts can't deal being in large groups as well. It's very draining to an introvert. They need just 1 on 1 conversation
My Grandmother used to come to CA from OK for the holidays. Both her and my Grandpa were extreme introverts. In fact, my Grandpa would interact with us Grandkids, but hardly anyone else. He never attended large gatherings. Not even Church. One TG, my Grandma was sitting by herself so I sat by her. She said you don't like being around people, do you? I said no. She said you are like me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by staywarm2
Then why do these introverts attend? Because they want a free dinner and to be entertained by everyone else. Unless they bring food for everyone to share, they are bad guests if they don’t add to the conversation.
LOL!
Thank you! You could not have illustrated any more accurately if you tried to highlight a perfect example of one reason we shun large gatherings. Also, a lot of traditional Native Americans value silence. We are not compelled to incessant talking.
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