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People who think sarcasm is an acceptable form of humor are people who essentially like to make other people small and insignificant. It's a passive-aggressive response that angry people use on those who don't deserve it. In the great scheme of things, it's not as bad as kicking kittens and puppies, but it's pretty darned close.
YES! Sarcasm is fine when aimed at "situations" such as political humor (when it targets no one in the group and isn't about other friends - but at general circumstances in life) . . . but otherwise, it is exactly as you said . . . it is used to make other people feel small, insignificant and "put in their place."
trying always to be "right" under the guise of honesty is annoying too- or pointing out someone else isnt 100% right/honest,,,will quickly lose you any potential friends..
watch sheldon on the big bang theory- very annoying,,,but he thinks he's being honest
Honesty can be both. If you are honest about your opinions then it can be a curse. If you can understand that there is a difference between opinion and fact, keep your opinions to yourself, then it can be a virtue.
Honesty and offensive communication are not the same.
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Originally Posted by Mattie
Honesty is an admirable trait. Being tactless or offensive under the guise of honesty is not.
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Originally Posted by Heidi60
Sometimes, it isn't what you say, but how you say it. Also, your reality may not be the same as somone elses.
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Originally Posted by anifani821
I agree with others. Being honest does not equate to being rude
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Originally Posted by nosyneighbors
to be tactful and diplomatic is NOT a trait of insincerity. It is a trait that many successful people share.
Thanks guys for your passionate comments. I agree with all of the above in general. However, I’m afraid I’ve made my little shortcoming sound much more serious than it actually is in reality. Perhaps I was too hard on myself when I made the thread. It was entirely my fault that I didn’t provide you with a concrete example of what I had actually said to others. Apparently it’s left enough room for some of you to assume the worst of my perceived behavior, which is fine. Perhaps you did meet people like that and had bad experience with them that made you jump to certain conclusion. Sorry I’ve given you a wrong impression of myself. I realize now that the content of my post is quite misleading in that regard. That was silly of me.
For those of you who have mistaken me as some kind of rude, hostile, tactless, passive-aggressive monster, I assure you with all my heart that I have never deliberately been rude to anyone and made nasty comments to others just to hurt their feelings or to make them feel small on purpose and then disguise it with my brand of “Honesty”. It is not in my DNA. My silly mishaps were much much more benign and trivial. It was usually on objects, not people’s appearance or feelings.
Well, hope this will clarify things a bit for you. Anyway, I’m still interested in your thoughts and comments regarding my original query:
Honesty, Virtue or Curse?
Perhaps now we can have a philosophical discussion instead. It is more what I’m looking for in the first place. Let's start over, shall we?
A couple of the previous respondents answered your intended question very well already, but I will put my two cents in.
The easy answer is that thoughtful, tactful, timely, sincere honesty that is spoken gently and with the best of intentions is by general consensus a virtue...a positive trait, a moral good.
That having been said, honesty is the expression of "truth", which is subjective in most all cases. If you express the truth you perceive in the virtuous manner described above, it can still be a curse if the recipient rejects the truth you perceive.
To make things more complicated, the concept of "curse" is also fairly subjective. A curse to whom, and how? The same conditions that would feel like a curse to you may not feel the same way to me.
Aaaaand...to bring things full circle...the term "virtue" is also somewhat subjective, though I would say philosophers have spent enough energy developing a definition that it's the most universally understood of the three terms you've presented. In some circles, however, honesty is not a prized value, and therefore not considered a virtue.
Sometimes, particularly in a work situation, I will give an honest answer that is probably more long-winded and complex than if I sort of 'burnished it up' to make it simpler but perhaps less than fully honest. Not that I would lie, but in the interest of being completely honest I perhaps make things more complicated than they need to be. Less honest in this case means not lying, but more like leaving things out (even if they're less important). Does that even make sense?
Thanks guys for your passionate comments. I agree with all of the above in general. However, I’m afraid I’ve made my little shortcoming sound much more serious than it actually is in reality. Perhaps I was too hard on myself when I made the thread. It was entirely my fault that I didn’t provide you with a concrete example of what I had actually said to others. Apparently it’s left enough room for some of you to assume the worst of my perceived behavior, which is fine. Perhaps you did meet people like that and had bad experience with them that made you jump to certain conclusion. Sorry I’ve given you a wrong impression of myself. I realize now that the content of my post is quite misleading in that regard. That was silly of me.
For those of you who have mistaken me as some kind of rude, hostile, tactless, passive-aggressive monster, I assure you with all my heart that I have never deliberately been rude to anyone and made nasty comments to others just to hurt their feelings or to make them feel small on purpose and then disguise it with my brand of “Honesty”. It is not in my DNA. My silly mishaps were much much more benign and trivial. It was usually on objects, not people’s appearance or feelings.
Well, hope this will clarify things a bit for you. Anyway, I’m still interested in your thoughts and comments regarding my original query:
Honesty, Virtue or Curse?
Perhaps now we can have a philosophical discussion instead. It is more what I’m looking for in the first place. Let's start over, shall we?
In your case it seems it's a curse. It's not making you famous or rich, instead it's causing you problems.
Speaking of honesty, your posts are so abstract that is difficult to know what is really going on. There are no examples of your "honest" interactions. What I noticed is that your first post has some contradictions. You said I don't go about offending people" but later say you might blurb out things that offend people unintentionally.
So going back to our philosophical talk, I think what you are experiencing is cognitive dissonance. What makes comments "offensive" is not your intent but how other people take them. So if they get offended then the comments are offensive. You want to get along with people and avoid trouble but at the same time you think your "honesty" is one of your main virtues. You also probably enjoy the occasional ego boosts from people that say "I love your honesty" "I ask you because I know you will give me an honest answer" etc. My experience is though people don't like to hear many things so it's better to STHU and keep your thoughts to yourself because in reality no one cares that much for your opinion anyway. How do I know? Because I'm one of those honest people who needs to STHU too.
i think that if you are set on a high paying career that is highly skilled, and you have a mentor from that field who will be bluntly honest with you because your mentor wants you to excel and knows for a fact that you need to polish up your act, then yes honesty is best policy
but for many of us who aren't going to be airline pilots, politicians, scientists, doctors, nuclear physicists, etc being honest with everyone you meet can alienate people
i remember i made a college friend who was ahead of me in terms of worldliness and life experience. his parents were also different from mine. his dad was an entrepreneur and my dad worked for the Fed Government. i was an underachiever and had a great deal of difficulty in deciding what i wanted to do with my career and life and was floundering. my friend made it very clear in "honest" terms that i wasn't going to be successful at anything (i won't even repeat what he said about my relations with women). these "honest" comments just wore me down year after year until i had to escape by ending it all with him. and the strange thing is after i ended it, i started to get better and do better.
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