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Old 10-07-2013, 08:58 AM
 
Location: An Island with a View
758 posts, read 877,564 times
Reputation: 847

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I am an honest person. I’m honest with myself and with others. I always deal with people straight and direct. I always say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I don’t sugar coat my words, or make up “Nice Things” to say just to please certain people for whatever purpose. Mind you, I don’t go about offending people either. I always try to be polite, professional and supportive whenever I can in my communication with others, which is hugely different from being fake and “A** Kissing”.

Unfortunately my honest casual remarks during casual conversations do get in the way sometimes. I admit I sometimes blurb out things accidentally, unintentionally and inappropriately which might have offended the intended receivers, although some of them are polite enough not to show it to my face right away. But I’m quite sure they’d hate me for it when I turn my back on them. I wish I could apologize right away but then it would make the situation even more awkward. Believe me, I’m trying hard to refrain my honesty.

Sounds familiar? Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar. So once again, my simple question: Honesty, Virtue or Curse? Your thoughts please, be honest.

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Old 10-07-2013, 09:14 AM
 
2,558 posts, read 4,201,523 times
Reputation: 2955
Honesty and offensive communication are not the same.
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Old 10-07-2013, 09:33 AM
 
13,683 posts, read 22,336,009 times
Reputation: 37965
Honesty is an admirable trait. Being tactless or offensive under the guise of honesty is not.
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Old 10-07-2013, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,267 posts, read 56,349,127 times
Reputation: 73478
I do not lie to people ever.

And yet I manage to not offend anyone.

Draw your own conclusion, op.

I do not think the honesty is your problem.
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Old 10-07-2013, 09:53 AM
 
30,983 posts, read 20,979,589 times
Reputation: 53008
Quote:
Originally Posted by R. Crusoe View Post
I am an honest person. I’m honest with myself and with others. I always deal with people straight and direct. I always say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I don’t sugar coat my words, or make up “Nice Things” to say just to please certain people for whatever purpose. Mind you, I don’t go about offending people either. I always try to be polite, professional and supportive whenever I can in my communication with others, which is hugely different from being fake and “A** Kissing”.

Unfortunately my honest casual remarks during casual conversations do get in the way sometimes. I admit I sometimes blurb out things accidentally, unintentionally and inappropriately which might have offended the intended receivers, although some of them are polite enough not to show it to my face right away. But I’m quite sure they’d hate me for it when I turn my back on them. I wish I could apologize right away but then it would make the situation even more awkward. Believe me, I’m trying hard to refrain my honesty.

Sounds familiar? Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar. So once again, my simple question: Honesty, Virtue or Curse? Your thoughts please, be honest.

Actually I would need examples to know if you are using honesty passive-aggressively or hurtfully. IMO there is nothing wrong with being honest, but saying it in ways that are less hurtful. For instance if someone asked me if she looked fat in a dress and I thought she did, I would never just say "yes, you look like a whale in that" I would say something like "it's not the best style for you" or "I think the cut of the blue dress you wore last week was more flattering". IMO the people I have known who used the disclaimer "I am always honest", used it as a thinly disguised way to be a bully. The same way people say "I have a sarcastic sense of humor" really mean "I say mean things and then add "I'm just kidding" at the end to try to justify it.

Also, I don't see the connection between honesty and "accidentally blurting out inappropriate things". They are two different things, and if the latter is a problem maybe try to make a habit of not saying anything for 10 seconds?

Last edited by ocnjgirl; 10-07-2013 at 10:06 AM..
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Old 10-07-2013, 10:02 AM
 
Location: NYC
3,580 posts, read 3,435,361 times
Reputation: 5796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Honesty is an admirable trait. Being tactless or offensive under the guise of honesty is not.
This is so spot on. There are so many crude offensive people who use honesty as an excuse.
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Old 10-07-2013, 11:39 AM
 
Location: North America
19,729 posts, read 13,342,486 times
Reputation: 8390
Quote:
Originally Posted by R. Crusoe View Post
I am an honest person. I’m honest with myself and with others. I always deal with people straight and direct. I always say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I don’t sugar coat my words, or make up “Nice Things” to say just to please certain people for whatever purpose. Mind you, I don’t go about offending people either. I always try to be polite, professional and supportive whenever I can in my communication with others, which is hugely different from being fake and “A** Kissing”.

Unfortunately my honest casual remarks during casual conversations do get in the way sometimes. I admit I sometimes blurb out things accidentally, unintentionally and inappropriately which might have offended the intended receivers, although some of them are polite enough not to show it to my face right away. But I’m quite sure they’d hate me for it when I turn my back on them. I wish I could apologize right away but then it would make the situation even more awkward. Believe me, I’m trying hard to refrain my honesty.

Sounds familiar? Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar. So once again, my simple question: Honesty, Virtue or Curse? Your thoughts please, be honest.


You can be honest and also tactful. If you lack tact, then be prepared not to have many friends, or acquaintances for that matter.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:33 PM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,900,376 times
Reputation: 16753
If I had a dime for every tactless person who claims they're just 'honest' I could retire.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:38 PM
 
Location: California
4,967 posts, read 5,978,749 times
Reputation: 10699
Sometimes, it isn't what you say, but how you say it. Also, your reality may not be the same as somone elses.

Nobody says it better:

Dale Carnegie-Self-help-How to Make Friends and ...
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:48 PM
 
2,574 posts, read 4,958,091 times
Reputation: 6419
Maybe you're making honest comments about situations that can't help but result in hurt feelings, in which case, why make them at all? You say that sometimes you're sure people are too polite to react to your blunt honesty. Take a lesson from them and learn when to keep quiet.
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