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Old 10-10-2013, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
415 posts, read 2,214,648 times
Reputation: 294

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I have been in a Management position for years with my current employment, and while I ma friendly at work I do not make friends of my co-workers. I do not attend their socials, or go out drinking with them, nor do I invite them over to spend time with me.
I feel if it just make it more difficult to reprimand them at the office, if I am socializing with them outside of the office
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Old 10-10-2013, 10:16 AM
 
2,890 posts, read 5,741,541 times
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There a close friends and there are acquaintances.

Acquaintances are great. You hang out when you hang out, no strings attached. That is the beauty of acquaintances at work. It's casual and should have no drama.
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Old 10-10-2013, 12:30 PM
 
Location: Canada
196 posts, read 363,654 times
Reputation: 428
Quote:
Originally Posted by rere900 View Post
No, the co-workers I'm referring to are not people I supervise. They are also supervisor's themselves. We are in a lot of the same meetings, etc. so that is how we met. I think I have invited them to three or four different things and each time they have made an excuse not to come. I end up doing the stuff anyway with my other friends.

It's just weird because they always talk about how we need to get together and do something, but then it always falls through. I'm about sick of it. I was just wondering if I should say something or let it go.
Very good post, because I am not one of the "100% should not make friends at work". It is ridiculous to think that we cannot become friends with those who we work with, considering how much time we spend together awake on a weekly basis.

For Management/Supervisory individuals, there is also a smaller pool of people you can visit with in and outside the workplace. This peer support is very important, and has more value if people actually like each other vs. are arm's-length peers.

However, if I do choose (and yes, it is a choice) to develop a friendship in the workplace, I have to look at four main questions:
- Is the person trustworthy, in that friendship stuff does not return to the office?
- Is the person mature, in that they will not use the friendship as a tool in office relationships?
- Is the person at a similar stage in life? Do they have kids while I'm single? Or vice versa? If we have families, are they compatible?
- Is there something there for a friendship, other than work? Or is work the only basis?

If the answer to any of these four questions is "no", then there is not a friendship there to be pursued. Maybe a "chummy acquaintance", but not a true friendship. I'm guessing in your case, that there are at least one to two "no's" with these supervisors.

And let's remember, "We should get together sometime" is usually said with the sincerity of "Sure honey, do whatever you want". It is a pleasantry, and one to not be taken literally unless the individual who says it takes the initiative to make it happen.
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Old 10-10-2013, 12:32 PM
 
8 posts, read 9,877 times
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Yeah, just let it go. Women are complicated. Just because we say we want to get together doesn't mean we actually would go out of our way to make it happen. If it happens great, but if not, no big loss. Don't get personal with coworkers. It's complicated and makes things terrible. Just be nice and casual. Keep it light.
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Old 10-10-2013, 01:38 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,408,734 times
Reputation: 4317
Haven't read the whole thread; this might be a repeat comment.

I think it's probably not wise to be "friends" with someone in a superior position because of possible charges of favoritism. Becoming friends with coworkers who have the same stature - sure, why not? In fact, I had a friendship turn to romance turn to marriage. Coming up on our 28th wedding anniversary
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Old 10-10-2013, 03:43 PM
 
753 posts, read 2,376,647 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by statisticsnerd View Post
Yes.

Be friendly, but keep your coworkers at arm's length. They are not your friends.
No, they are most certainly NOT your friends. Co-workers are there for the same reason you are -- to earn a living and if they seem to think you are impeding their progress up the corporate ladder or for making more money, they'll throw you under the bus faster than you can say "Wanna go to lunch?"
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Old 10-12-2013, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Montgomery County, MD
3,237 posts, read 3,464,474 times
Reputation: 3010
Its ok to have some work friends but dont base your whole social life around that. Lots of people dont want to have good friends from work, they go there to work and earn a living. If you make a good friend at work its good but your coworkers will get annoyed if you keep inviting them to stupid things. Theres a guy at my work who has no clue and keeps trying to get me over his house for dinners or whatever random gathering hes having. I suspect hes just lonely (like for male companionship since hes married) but hes made himself a chore in me and others having to come up with excuses to avoid him.
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Old 10-12-2013, 11:24 PM
 
Location: An Island with a View
758 posts, read 870,568 times
Reputation: 847
Quote:
Originally Posted by rere900 View Post
People have told me that you go to work to "work" not make friends.
I tend to agree with that. There’re conflicts of interests in many cases. It is hard enough to maintain good working relationship with colleagues sometimes. Personal friendship with them just complicates the whole thing ten folds. There is always a chance it might back fire depending on the character of that person you want to befriend. Beware.
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Old 10-14-2013, 10:58 PM
 
Location: Midwest
128 posts, read 203,069 times
Reputation: 180
I work in a department of all women (about 10 of us). They are into each other's business to a degree that is astonishing to me. I'm the only one that will not connect via Facebook. I even extend that to former coworkers. I've seen some things happen with current/former employees still being connected that ended up with a current employee getting fired.

I'll chat some, but I'm at work to work, not to have a gossip session all day. I often work late and a coworker and I will chat a bit more after hours, but that's it.

I'm friendly to coworkers, but not friends with them. We generally have very different lifestyles and interests, and my private life is my private life.

I have been this way for years, so it's not going to change. Frankly, it's saved me a lot of trouble and drama.

ETA: just because I work with someone, that doesn't mean they have to be my friend.

Last edited by Marie24; 10-14-2013 at 11:20 PM..
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