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Old 10-09-2013, 08:01 AM
 
225 posts, read 433,514 times
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People have told me that you go to work to "work" not make friends. I've been at my place of employment for about a year and half. When I first started, I met a couple of girls who are also supervisors like me and I suggestged that we all go out to luch sometimes. For a while we would go out once maybe twice a week. Then we all decided to hang out outside of work and we all went to the movies and dinner. Recently, over the past few months when I would envite them over to my house for parties or other places, they have both been bailing out or will make an excuse why they can't make it. I just say "okay" and keep it moving.

I have not really said anything directly to them about it or asked them why. I'm wondering if I should say something or just let it go and not invite them to do anything else?
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Old 10-09-2013, 09:18 AM
 
624 posts, read 830,562 times
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The apparent change may have nothing to do with the fact that they are work friends. No matter what venue you meet someone in, they may only be interested in a certain degree of contact outside that environment, or none at all. People organize their social lives in many different ways. Or, frankly, they may not be that into you. It's up to you how much energy you want to put into speculation.

When you make friends in any defined environment...work, church, school, etc...there is always a chance of things getting awkward or going wrong if you try to take the friendships to other contexts. For some people and in some cases, maybe making friends at work can be problematic enough to make them prefer to avoid it. For other people or in other cases, it isn't a big deal one way or the other. In still other cases, work friends have potential to be great friends outside of work, and even helpful in the workplace as long as you get your job done and it doesn't screw up the office dynamic. The advisability of making work friends depends on the individual workplace, the people involved, what you like your friendships to entail, and the risks you are willing to take.

But anyway, to answer your question, I would lay off on the invitations and see what happens. You may never learn the reason(s) why these people limited your relationship, but since it sounds like the have done so, further invitations and rejections could affect your feelings about your workplace, and possibly even the quality of your work. If you like your job, I'd say don't do anything that might change this. If you still enjoy your two colleagues in the workplace, I'd say the same and doubly so.

Last edited by Slithytoves; 10-09-2013 at 09:31 AM..
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Old 10-09-2013, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
24,399 posts, read 26,290,424 times
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It's perfectly fine to have work friends, but they might have other things going on. For the time being I'd keep it to lunches and happy hours and save the outside work parties for another time.
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Old 10-09-2013, 12:34 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 35,589,545 times
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I too think it is fine to make friends at work. But remember they might want to limit their socializing outside the work area with you.
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Old 10-09-2013, 02:28 PM
 
147 posts, read 275,065 times
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I've been distancing myself from some work friends lately, only because the time we were spending together became a huge
bit-h session about work or people at work, and in the position I'm in, I don't want to be considered part of the gossip mill.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:05 PM
 
19,219 posts, read 25,368,864 times
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this is quite common.. dont take it personally

others in the office, or spouses/partners of the co-workers may have a stick up their ass, because of the work group going out..

and/or people end up saying or doing stuff they regret..

gossip can be poisonous,,,,infecting many
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:14 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
35,909 posts, read 46,118,933 times
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As a supervisor you can't be "friends" with the grunts. Having said that you need to be sociable, meaning able to carry a conversation on something other than work, but not social.

Years and years ago I worked at a factory. As a floor grunt we partied together, some of us slept with each other either as a 1 nighter or a few times, divorce and infidelity was rampant.

I got promoted to management and those friends went by the wayside, nothing was said but it just happened.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:47 PM
 
839 posts, read 1,137,612 times
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At my last job I made friends with co-workers and we would party every once in a while. Dated the boss's daughter without him knowing of course and life was so great for about a year. But after we broke it off, I finally realized what a terrible mistake we made. It made life and work pure hell.

Bad idea to make friends at work? No, just don't inform them about every aspect of your life and don't get too personal. People talk.

And coming from experience, I highly advise against dating a co-worker.
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Old 10-09-2013, 07:03 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 7,019,142 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rere900 View Post
Bad idea to make friends at work?
Yes.

Be friendly, but keep your coworkers at arm's length. They are not your friends.

Last edited by statisticsnerd; 10-09-2013 at 07:27 PM..
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Old 10-09-2013, 07:53 PM
 
225 posts, read 433,514 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
As a supervisor you can't be "friends" with the grunts. Having said that you need to be sociable, meaning able to carry a conversation on something other than work, but not social.

Years and years ago I worked at a factory. As a floor grunt we partied together, some of us slept with each other either as a 1 nighter or a few times, divorce and infidelity was rampant.

I got promoted to management and those friends went by the wayside, nothing was said but it just happened.
No, the co-workers I'm referring to are not people I supervise. They are also supervisor's themselves. We are in a lot of the same meetings, etc. so that is how we met. I think I have invited them to three or four different things and each time they have made an excuse not to come. I end up doing the stuff anyway with my other friends.

It's just weird because they always talk about how we need to get together and do something, but then it always falls through. I'm about sick of it. I was just wondering if I should say something or let it go.
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