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In my OPINION if someone is divorced they stay away from their ex husband or wives family events. You are no longer part of the family.
So I was shocked when one of my sisters showed up at Thanksgiving with her evil Ex Husband. My first question was, "are you getting together again?" Her answer, "NO WAY, I still HATE him."
Then why was he there? Answer: Because the kids wanted to be with their dad on Thanksgiving.
He had to drive 250 miles to be with them and us.
What do you think of that?
If he had a SmartPhone he could have stayed at home, left you in peace, and just texted and exchanged instagrams of all of you with his kids.
I leaned down into his face and said, very softly, "I didn't ask you if you felt like it. I told you to move it, kiddo -- right NOW. Get your rear in gear -- or else." He was startled that someone would actually make him do something he didn't want to do. He sighed and rolled his eyes, but he complied.
My ex's favorite expression with his kids, at all of their various ages, was "I'm not asking you, I'm TELLING you".
Will you have the backbone to tell them to stash the phone at her funeral? Will this be a battle that you'll have the guts to fight? After all they probably won't want to be there either. Being as she's 84 you might want to think about this now.
I actually had to tell an adult family member to put away his phone during my aunt's funeral..
He was playing a game...
Phones at meals is so rude !!! If it is my house , I make the rules..period..
The adults need to just pass a basket and say " phones in the basket til after dinner"
When did adults get so scared of telling the younger generation how to behave???
Are these young adults usually allowed to text at the table during family meals??
That is the problem, I highly doubt they have been taught that it is rude .
Well OP, this is one battle you should have picked. It was beyond rude to be texting at the table. However, it doesn't need to become a battle. Much less confrontational to say, prior to the meal, "I'd appreciate it if everybody would leave their phones in their pockets while we eat". If nobody speaks up, then the young people will take that as permission to proceed.
This - 100 percent. Cell phones at the dinner table are rude anyway, but especially at a multigenerational special holiday dinner! My gosh, it's ridiculous!
I totally agree that the announcement should be made BEFORE the meal, and then enforced. In fact, I'd add, "If you have an emergency and must take a call or answer a text, please get up and leave the table and the room to handle it. And I'd really appreciate it if others helped enforce this. THANKS AND LET'S ENJOY EACH OTHER!"
That SHOULD cover the "adults." Now let's move on to the kids.
I really don't care if my kids don't "want" to be at Grandmother's house on special occasions like holidays and birthdays, that sort of thing. Not only are they going, they are going to be polite while they're there - or they can go sit in the car, WITHOUT their phone. Their comfort is not my primary concern in such a situation. Kids need to be taught that interacting pleasantly with their relatives for a few hours on special occasions is part of what is known as "common courtesy" and they'll just have to suck up their massive discomfort and angst and slap a smile on their little faces and be polite.
We had a Christmas at my mother's house. My brother and his three sons were there ranging from 7-12 years old. His youngest was playing with my two boys who were about 3-1/2 at the time. His older two were nowhere to be found. The only time I saw at least one of them was at dinner or when we had plans to go out. At home, they were mostly gone. I asked my SIL why can't they come down and visit with the rest of us (in a nice way, of course). She said it was either let them play on their computers or hear them fight non-stop. Good point. I'd rather they not be around and keeping the peace by playing on their computers than to make us all listen to them fighting with each other. She said it's just been one of those weeks where they just don't want to play nice together. Other times, they get along just fine. She usually has the upper hand, but she picks the battles and decided this one she did not want to take part in. I don't blame her. I've heard their fights. They can get loud. Neither of them know when to back off either.
My mother never seemed to be bothered by this. She's heard the fighting before too. She was a little frustrated they weren't getting along enough to take part in the family conversations, but she too would prefer the peace over having to referee their squabbles during Christmas.
I don't understand why it has to be "one or the other." There's a third option - behave respectfully and pleasantly or no computer or game time for a week.
My mother, age 84, feelings were hurt on Thanksgiving.
For the first time in years, the extended family were all together for Thanksgiving in New Jersey (just outside of NYC). Mom and Dad are getting on in the years and we don't know how many more holidays we will have with the them in the future. They were looking forward to seeing and TALKING to the Grandchildren at Thanksgiving.
But once the event started no matter how hard we tried we could not get the teens and "20somethings" eyes off of their SmartPhones and to their relatives who wanted to talk to them face to face. Us parents could have done better but they said you had to pick your battles, most of the younger relatives, ages 12-30 did not even want to be there.
So on Thanksgiving day, most of the kids and young adults (ages 13-30) spent most of their time looking at their SmartPhones and texting. Very few of them said anything to their other relatives face to face using actual voices.
Grandma complained when most of them spent most of the time at the actual Thanksgiving dinner table texting. But her complaints fell on deaf ears.
(On Friday we all went into Manhattan and saw lots of other families having Friday's version of Thanksgiving Dinner at Buco di Beppo, a popular place for large family dinners, spending most of their time texting and not talking to their family.
What a sad state of affairs!
Sometimes you can get their attention away from the SmartPhones with a game. We play a fun game called Apples to Apples on Thanksgiving after our Turkey dinner. That game is a lot of fun. The young people actually stopped their texting when we played it. I think there was one exception, but he did a quick reply to a friend and put his phone away after that. Conversation should be reason enough, but sometimes a fun game is what is needed to temporarily get them off their SmartPhone addictions.
My mother, age 84, feelings were hurt on Thanksgiving.
For the first time in years, the extended family were all together for Thanksgiving in New Jersey (just outside of NYC). Mom and Dad are getting on in the years and we don't know how many more holidays we will have with the them in the future. They were looking forward to seeing and TALKING to the Grandchildren at Thanksgiving.
But once the event started no matter how hard we tried we could not get the teens and "20somethings" eyes off of their SmartPhones and to their relatives who wanted to talk to them face to face. Us parents could have done better but they said you had to pick your battles, most of the younger relatives, ages 12-30 did not even want to be there.
So on Thanksgiving day, most of the kids and young adults (ages 13-30) spent most of their time looking at their SmartPhones and texting. Very few of them said anything to their other relatives face to face using actual voices.
Grandma complained when most of them spent most of the time at the actual Thanksgiving dinner table texting. But her complaints fell on deaf ears.
(On Friday we all went into Manhattan and saw lots of other families having Friday's version of Thanksgiving Dinner at Buco di Beppo, a popular place for large family dinners, spending most of their time texting and not talking to their family.
What a sad state of affairs!
I must add it is shocking that a 30 year old adult cannot be bothered for any conversation on a holiday. I can maybe excuse a teenager, but not being willing to converse at age 30 is a little pathetic IMO.
It doesn't sound like a made-up story to me and I think it's common enough for people to be on civil terms with a ex. For one, people should put their kids first and divorce doesn't mean they can't co-parent. Also people can bond with many of their in-laws and divorce doesn't change that.
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