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HA HA HA, this makes me feel so old, seems really strange!!! But obviously worked perfectly for you
Yes, it works well for us and it has cut out the "acting out" from several family members.
For one thing, those older "difficult" relatives never know when they will be caught on film acting out or recorded saying something ugly about someone else, lololol. Talk about putting people on their Ps and Qs . . . we have a substance abuser in the group (prescription meds) . . . and it is amazing how behavior she said she "couldn't remember" (saying outrageously inappropriate, condescending things to other family members, picking fights) never happens these days. Caught her in the act years ago . . . amazing the effect that had on her future interactions.
As for the rest of it . . . the seniors expected everyone to sit down, year after year, and quietly watch the Macy's parade and then later, a ballgame. It made folks miserable. SO now, everyone can engage in their own activities (often, interacting with one another electronically).
One year, we set up the Playstation and played Guitar Hero. Now, that was a hoot. Some of the family members were only 8 or 9 and they were awesome!
I know you can't do much about 20 and 30 year olds but you can take teenagers phones away, at least until dinner is over.. It's not really picking a battle as much as it is a matter of teaching them some manners..
Back in the day (in the 1960s well before SmartPhones) my father would only attend Thanksgiving if he were allowed to watch football and because he has such a strong personality all the men felt like they had to join my dad and watch, and if anyone spoke up to visit my dad would say- "THE GAME!" and the room would return to silence other than the sounds of the TV.
Also, I have zero problem telling my 15-year-old, "Put your phone away." It's appalling that 20- and 30-somethings can't sit for an hour or two without being glued to a cell phone.
Look, people who have mouths in their heads should use them. I have two rules at my house: No phones or guns at the dinner table (unless the gun is in an ankle holster and I don't have to see it). My house, my rules, and I confront and enforce as necessary.
As for what people do in public, if I am with my SO and he looks at his phone, I give him the stink-eye and he gets the hint. With friends, I just turn my conversation toward people who are interested in having one, and will not repeat myself for a phone addict's benefit when and if they get around to joining the conversation. "Oh, you missed that because you were on your phone."
With strangers, I mind my own business--and so should you.
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Originally Posted by Nodpete
Apparently there were no adults there, if there had been, a simple "Put your phones away, NOW" should have been sufficient. But then you wouldn't have been a buddy to your brats. Show some authority !
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Originally Posted by Lilac110
If it's your table or your house, you can. You can also embarrass them for being rude. I'd have no compunction about admonishing my nieces and nephews if they did that, and my sisters would back me up on it because they did not raise their children in a barn. This is a matter of basic manners.
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Originally Posted by Mattie
Well OP, this is one battle you should have picked. It was beyond rude to be texting at the table. However, it doesn't need to become a battle. Much less confrontational to say, prior to the meal, "I'd appreciate it if everybody would leave their phones in their pockets while we eat". If nobody speaks up, then the young people will take that as permission to proceed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
That, too, but they need to know why. People who have their phones up their behinds 24-7 generally are too self-absorbed and oblivious to take hints. I would just say, "We're giving you a pass this year because last year it seemed you really didn't want to be there. No worries."
"What do you mean, I didn't want to be there?"
"Well, you hardly spoke to anyone and you were on your phone at the table. So this year you're free to spend the holiday with whoever it was you were texting with last year and would have preferred to be with."
Guilt trip? Maybe. But that's part of the fun of being grandparents, parents, aunts, or uncles, and always being one step ahead of the kids. Rank has its privileges.
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Originally Posted by Liberty2011
So "how hard" did you try anyway? There are plenty of things we don't want to do in life but that's the way life is, and the earlier kids learn that, the better. Why was the disrespect allowed?
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Originally Posted by kygman
That's the problem, Nodpete. Most parents don't want to tell their adult children anything like this because they're afraid they'll tell them no. A few years ago my wife and I had a family camping trip. One thing we told the kids was no cell phones. 3 did anyway. I asked them to stop and they stopped using it, in front of me. I took care of the matter. That night while most were gone to take a shower, I went in the tents, took the cell phones, and locked them in my car. Made them mad but I don't care. Family time is family time. No phones allowed and I wasn't afraid to make them mad!
When they came down for Thanksgiving, last year and this year, when it was time to eat, there weren't any cell phones being used!
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Originally Posted by Lilac110
Oh, come on. One of you alleged adults should have demonstrated some spine. Seriously.
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Originally Posted by Marlow
I'm with Grandma.
Also, I have zero problem telling my 15-year-old, "Put your phone away." It's appalling that 20- and 30-somethings can't sit for an hour or two without being glued to a cell phone.
I hope you all can hear the applause from here. Where is the app for manners? Oh, I forgot, that's still taught by parents.
Us parents could have done better but they said you had to pick your battles
Respect and manners aren't battles worth fighting?
If I were Grandma, I would have taken every morsel of food off that table until people learned to behave.
Yes, it's a sad state of affairs, but it's your fault for tolerating that behavior from your children.
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Originally Posted by Osito
Well maybe not getting invited to dinner a couple of times would change their mind. A couple of holidays home alone with their cell phones and no dinner might do wonders since most people are not conditioned to handle being alone.
Or accustomed to cooking dinner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
Guilt trip? Maybe. But that's part of the fun of being grandparents, parents, aunts, or uncles, and always being one step ahead of the kids. Rank has its privileges.
Ooooh, that's good.
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Originally Posted by anifani821
Dysfunctional families love creating the drama. If it means creating the drama due to cell phones, then that will be the topic.
I don't recall the OP saying anything about a dysfunctional family. Seems like your argument is pointless.
My sons aren't the problem. One may glance and see who the message is from but will put the phone back in his pocket. The other has a work phone with him and, if it's something important, he'll to go another room and text or call.
It's the step grandkids, ranging in age from 18-27
No way I would be telling them to put away their cell phones when we are out and about together or when we are spending a weekend together at our vacation home.
I use my iPad and iPhone all day, as well as my computer, as do all the adult children and the g/kids, as well.
We are constantly exchanging apps and play a lot of computer games together, as well as downloading books . . . play Scrabble, Angry Birds and on the computer, War of Worldcraft.
We also have a family full of photographers and we are constantly taking photos, posting to instagram, FB, doing vines, and sharing it.
Our iPhones, iPads and computers are the way we communicate when we are apart and the way we share the moment while together.
We text each other from different parts of the house, rather than yell, lol.
It's all about balance, people. We were all on our phones, just never at the table or during conversations, just the lull periods. If my teens had the audacity to stare at their phone while being spoken to or during meals, I would have had sense enough to snatch the phone from them and growl under my breath! No biggie. It's called parenting.
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