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I'm 17 years old and to say it bluntly I'm beginning to hate my Mum's guts because as it says in the thread title she's emotionally abusing me. I don't really know if its intentionally or not but I've told her how moaning at me all the time if effecting me to the point of feeling suicidal.
This situation has been going on for years but its only recently I've really started to look into the "emotional abuse"
Checklist
-Emotionally neglects me by ignoring, disregarding and refusal to understand how shes abusing me.
-Always critises what I do mainly regarding chores. For example I'd hoover the stairs but she'd say "you didn't sweep behind the sofa" in an angry voice.
-Never wanting to praise me for doing chores not that I want her to say thank you for everything I do but just a little recognition would go a long way. For example yesterday I wiped down I dirty shelf she saw I did it so she just said "I'm not going to thank you for doing that"
-Seems to prefer my 26 year old brother for reasons that are very obvious, which is because he doesn't challenge her views. While I do in the form of telling her that she over exaggerates when I do "wrong" her constant moaning and self pity.
-Tells me that I'm not doing anything with my life.
-Selfish behaviour for example I cooked dinner the other day for my mum and my brother, the exact next day she made my brother buy a takeaway yet she didn't even say if I wanted anything or give me money to buy my own (which is normally does)
-She ignores as punishment when I catch her out on her wrong doings for example she'd complain about something trivial (related to chores normally) which I actually have no problem but then she'd go on for to long like I killed someone then I'd say stuff she'd done to me to put things into context which is the emotional neglect and getting defensive.
Up to this day, Christmas day! She falls to really understand what shes putting me through.
You've got the teenage blues!! Being 17 and at home- it happens to most everyone. You need a life plan....
What sort of career training or university education do you have planned for your future? Have you discussed this with your Mother? What is her advice? I think you'll find that when you start working toward your own future your Mother will relax and get off your case. Try to look at her comments from her point of view. She wants her children to be successful in life.
But if she is truly unreasonable and just a mean person, then simply follow the above steps and count the days until you're on your own.
And don't do anything stupid that will ruin your chances; child out of wedlock, drugs, arrest record, hanging out with a loser crowd, etc. etc.
I'm 17 years old and to say it bluntly I'm beginning to hate my Mum's guts because as it says in the thread title she's emotionally abusing me. I don't really know if its intentionally or not but I've told her how moaning at me all the time if effecting me to the point of feeling suicidal.
This situation has been going on for years but its only recently I've really started to look into the "emotional abuse"
Checklist
-Emotionally neglects me by ignoring, disregarding and refusal to understand how shes abusing me.
-Always critises what I do mainly regarding chores. For example I'd hoover the stairs but she'd say "you didn't sweep behind the sofa" in an angry voice.
-Never wanting to praise me for doing chores not that I want her to say thank you for everything I do but just a little recognition would go a long way. For example yesterday I wiped down I dirty shelf she saw I did it so she just said "I'm not going to thank you for doing that"
-Seems to prefer my 26 year old brother for reasons that are very obvious, which is because he doesn't challenge her views. While I do in the form of telling her that she over exaggerates when I do "wrong" her constant moaning and self pity.
-Tells me that I'm not doing anything with my life.
-Selfish behaviour for example I cooked dinner the other day for my mum and my brother, the exact next day she made my brother buy a takeaway yet she didn't even say if I wanted anything or give me money to buy my own (which is normally does)
-She ignores as punishment when I catch her out on her wrong doings for example she'd complain about something trivial (related to chores normally) which I actually have no problem but then she'd go on for to long like I killed someone then I'd say stuff she'd done to me to put things into context which is the emotional neglect and getting defensive.
Up to this day, Christmas day! She falls to really understand what shes putting me through.
It is hard to tell from this post if it is really emotional abuse or just an overly strained mother-daughter relationship. But that really doesn't matter right now.
If it really is at the point where you are considering suicide please seek help immediately. There are suicide hotlines that you can call right now. I mean right now, Christmas Day. If you can't find one listed just call the emergency ward of your local hospital or 911 and ask for help.
I know its emotional abuse, I've got SAD and coping with that and a unreasonable Mum is challenging I'm currently undertaking therapy for help but I can't find a quick way out.
I know the difference between a normal strained relationship and just plain abuse and I'm trying my bestnot to fall into depression.
So, you're moving out when you're 18, right? This way you exchange either college or a job and paying your own way for living under her roof for free and listening to her complain.
I'm sorry to hear that. To this day I go through that with my mother but I know it will be easier for you to set boundaries later if you do your life right now. Finish school, get a job or go to college or both, try to increase your support system, and get on your own. Good luck to you.
I'm on college not university for you Americans and I'm doing well I'll be moving out next month because I can't wait to get away from the constant nagging!
My mother was EXTREMELY emotionally abusive and you have my deepest sympathies. Just one example: Nothing I ever did was right as far as she was concerned either. I used to hate Christmas because no matter what I gave her and how much thought and time I put into getting her a nice gift, she'd hate it every single time. She didn't even bother to disguise the fact. Almost before she unwrapped whatever I'd given her, she asked where I bought it because obviously such a pathetic gift had to be returned. After I was married I'd invite her over for Christmas dinner and she'd ALWAYS turn up 3 hours or more late, ensuring dinner would be ruined. Then she'd complain that I never did learn how to cook - this despite the fact that my friends and my husband used to rave about my cooking. I couldn't wait until I could leave home and counted the days until I could start college in another town (we can discuss the difference in educational systems in another thread ). I ended up putting two mountain ranges and 400 miles between us, and that still wasn't enough. Hang in there and know that some mothers really are emotionally abusive and it's THEIR problem, not that of the offspring the abuse is aimed at.
Last edited by Colorado Rambler; 12-25-2013 at 11:33 AM..
I'm on college not university for you Americans and I'm doing well I'll be moving out next month because I can't wait to get away from the constant nagging!
My mom was very much the same way. I couldn't do anything right for several years. She really wanted unconditional love and when she didn't get it, she just fell apart. She has always defended her behavior by pointing out how abusive her own mother was. Well, she was, but that doesn't justify being mean to your own kids. Now that my brothers and I are largely beyond her reach, she has turned towards abusing my father (who has alzheimers)
Please consider counseling if you can. It helped me a lot to have a professional tell me it was normal to feel what I was feeling. I had to work very hard to learn what Normal families are like, and too this day I am super sensitive to criticism. An offhand comment from a co-worker can have me worrying about the state of my career all day.
Take care of yourself! And once you gain some distance, I hope you can learn to understand (if not forgive) your mother. First and foremost, you have to do what you need to protect yourself and set emotional boundaries. Good luck to you!
You are almost ready to leave home anyway. Just wait it out and leave when the time comes. Go far away and don't look back. Meanwhile spend a lot of time thinking about how you will accomplish that.
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and I'm doing well I'll be moving out next month because I can't wait to get away from the constant nagging!
). I ended up putting two mountain ranges and 400 miles between us, and that still wasn't enough. Hang in there and know that some mothers really are emotionally abusive and it's THEIR problem, not that of the offspring the abuse is aimed at.
