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Old 02-11-2014, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Louisiana and Pennsylvania
2,840 posts, read 5,584,583 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by statisticsnerd View Post
I had several friends in high school and kept in touch with a couple of them off and on through college, but after graduating and entering the "real world," they have all fallen off by the wayside. I haven't talked to my best friend from high school in over 5 years and we used to do everything together in school. Now he lives about 300 miles away from me and he is in a different career field than I am. We never had a falling out or anything like that. We just simply stopped talking to each other. I think a lot of it is that we just don't have that much in common anymore.

It's sad in a way, but there's the saying that friends come and go through life. I guess that's just how it is.
It happens and don't take it personally. Distance, work, new experiences, relationships and life itself along with it's ups and downs take up time and energy. I have college friends that even though we don't talk much when we do get together, it's like no time has passed. The few close friends I have from college, well we just have that understanding. Others naturally will fall off and life just goes on.
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Old 02-11-2014, 08:28 PM
 
5,021 posts, read 3,638,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
That's why I think people who won't go to high school reunions are kind of sad. Because, first of all, they're allowing a bunch of teenagers to effectively live inside their heads ten years after graduation. Second, they allow themselves such bitterness that it really destroys their generosity of spirit.
Or a person and their childhood community could have been a severe socio-cultural mismatch. For example someone who developed into a secular, non-religious person may have grown up around extremely religious people and does not want to maintain contact.


Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
They can't conceive of the fact that someone can undergo a metamorphosis into people really worth knowing or maybe they weren't such a picnic themselves.
Just curious, are there people from your past who won't forgive you for something? This metamorphosis concept has been mentioned by you multiple times.
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Old 02-11-2014, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,874 posts, read 14,415,565 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I don't think it's sad. It's just the way life is. People don't just grow. They don't grow in the same direction. So the person with whom you were best buds in high school may be a complete stranger to you by the time you hit 25 in attitudes, tastes, philosophies, you name it.

On the other hand, be alert to the possibility that people with whom you had nothing in common become far better candidates for friendship later on. That's happened with me with several people. I wouldn't have given them the time of day in high school, but they're now really great folks.

That's why I think people who won't go to high school reunions are kind of sad. Because, first of all, they're allowing a bunch of teenagers to effectively live inside their heads ten years after graduation. Second, they allow themselves such bitterness that it really destroys their generosity of spirit. They can't conceive of the fact that someone can undergo a metamorphosis into people really worth knowing or maybe they weren't such a picnic themselves.
I didn't go to my five-year high school reunion because I was living in another city and it wasn't convenient. I did, however, go to the ten-year reunion. I was quite surprised to talk to not one, but two people who were distressed that someone they wanted to talk to had not come. And the REASON they wanted to talk to that person? To apologize for something they had done. Two different people, two different circumstances. One was a guy who thought he had bullied a classmate. I talked to him about it at length because I remembered some of the incidents he spoke about. Which really didn't strike me as being that bad given things you hear about today. But for ten years this guy had been carrying guilt that he had been mean to a classmate he defined as a dweeb. Nobody seemed to have any idea what happened to the other guy. I told the guilty guy that I believed he was really sorry and try to think of that as absolution.

It's practically a reason to go to a reunion. You wouldn't want to interfere with someone who wants to apologize to you! I didn't go to another reunion until my twentieth. And that one was even more conciliatory. People who never even hung out together at all were chatting up classmates they never had anything in common with in the nicest way. Age must make some people kinder.
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Old 02-11-2014, 08:52 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 7,069,420 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I don't think it's sad. It's just the way life is. People don't just grow. They don't grow in the same direction. So the person with whom you were best buds in high school may be a complete stranger to you by the time you hit 25 in attitudes, tastes, philosophies, you name it.

On the other hand, be alert to the possibility that people with whom you had nothing in common become far better candidates for friendship later on. That's happened with me with several people. I wouldn't have given them the time of day in high school, but they're now really great folks.

That's why I think people who won't go to high school reunions are kind of sad. Because, first of all, they're allowing a bunch of teenagers to effectively live inside their heads ten years after graduation. Second, they allow themselves such bitterness that it really destroys their generosity of spirit. They can't conceive of the fact that someone can undergo a metamorphosis into people really worth knowing or maybe they weren't such a picnic themselves.
What is with you and this obsession of making sure everyone goes to their high school reunion? It's not that serious. Some people don't want to go. The world isn't going to end and more then likely they have moved on with their lives.
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Old 02-12-2014, 09:04 AM
 
1,094 posts, read 1,380,058 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
What is with you and this obsession of making sure everyone goes to their high school reunion? It's not that serious. Some people don't want to go. The world isn't going to end and more then likely they have moved on with their lives.
Agreed. I've been out of high school going on 5 years now. My school had the 5 year reunion a bit early last December. I was invited, but I declined the invite. I saw the pictures from after the reunion and Im glad I didn't go. Most of the people that went to the reunion were people I don't care about and was never friends with. It was clear by the pictures, that the cliques still exist. High school was ok. I didn't hate it but I didn't love it either. I was kind of an awkward teenager. I was slightly out of shape and had some acne. My high school years were most definitely not my "glory days" by any means. If my school has a 10 year reunion, I will think about going, but right now it isn't likely. I still talk to and hang out with those people from high school that I care about so why would I go to a reunion and see a bunch of people I never talked to in high school?
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Old 02-12-2014, 09:52 AM
 
719 posts, read 850,075 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I don't think it's sad. It's just the way life is. People don't just grow. They don't grow in the same direction. So the person with whom you were best buds in high school may be a complete stranger to you by the time you hit 25 in attitudes, tastes, philosophies, you name it.

On the other hand, be alert to the possibility that people with whom you had nothing in common become far better candidates for friendship later on. That's happened with me with several people. I wouldn't have given them the time of day in high school, but they're now really great folks.

That's why I think people who won't go to high school reunions are kind of sad. Because, first of all, they're allowing a bunch of teenagers to effectively live inside their heads ten years after graduation. Second, they allow themselves such bitterness that it really destroys their generosity of spirit. They can't conceive of the fact that someone can undergo a metamorphosis into people really worth knowing or maybe they weren't such a picnic themselves.
Sometimes you just don't have much in common with the people you went to school with. I started going in my own direction in my sophomore year. I live in an area in Upstate South Carolina that was more rural in the 80s that's more suburban now .Back then it was like you had to prove that you fit in by acting like a pure local if you had moved in from somewhere else. I have lived here most of my life but I have family in NYC and I just didn't let go of that which was not what you were supposed to do at that time. People would move in here back then and act like they had no past and in high school that's what you did to get along. I didn't care for all that go along to get along. I had other family outside SC and I spent some of my summers in high school back in NY working construction with my family. Down here for whatever reason the people I went to high school with couldn't or wouldn't get that I had a life different from their lives that included extended family outside the South. Also back in the 80s my classmates loved all that small town, thats the we do things here, big fish in a small pond feel that this area had back then. But even then I was aware that this area was changing and becoming more diverse so I followed my own path and went on to college and left high school behind.

Now that so many people have moved into the area since the late 80s you have a divide between those who liked this area the way it was(the big fish in the small pond people like my classmates) and the newcomers and locals who have adapted to the way things are. Now when you meet someone that has moved in here they don't just give up who they were to fit in. They retain a lot of their ties to their past life which is not to say they entirely reject local ways .Now its more that they tend to blend the two together which is what I tried to do back when I was in high school but it wasn't as acceptable then. Now with more newcomers its more the normal way to do things.

As far as giving my high school classmates a chance I went to my 20th reunion and the old "in crowd" pretty much circled the wagons and mostly talked to each other. I didn't get an invitation to attend. I just happened to notice an announcement in the local newspaper.One of the organizers of the reunion claimed they didn't have an address anymore to send an invitation to(yeah right-like its so hard to find me in our relatively small community where I have lived most of my life-this was the same crowd that had a five year reunion that most didn't even know about till after the fact).So even at 20+ years not everyone changes their stripes.

Last edited by senecaman; 02-12-2014 at 10:51 AM..
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Old 02-12-2014, 10:49 AM
 
Location: The Great West
2,077 posts, read 2,195,494 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
That's why I think people who won't go to high school reunions are kind of sad. Because, first of all, they're allowing a bunch of teenagers to effectively live inside their heads ten years after graduation. Second, they allow themselves such bitterness that it really destroys their generosity of spirit. They can't conceive of the fact that someone can undergo a metamorphosis into people really worth knowing or maybe they weren't such a picnic themselves.
I don't want to go to my reunion not because of any of those assumed reasons you just mentioned. There were a few girls who hated me in high school but they didn't stop me doing anything then and they wouldn't stop me from going now. The reason I wouldn't go is because I didn't really have any friends in my own class. They were all older or younger than me. I would only go to a reunion to see old friends.
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Old 02-13-2014, 03:18 AM
 
90 posts, read 80,615 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
What is with you and this obsession of making sure everyone goes to their high school reunion? It's not that serious. Some people don't want to go. The world isn't going to end and more then likely they have moved on with their lives.
Other than the obvious: There is Facebook among countless other sites to get the basic run down of someones life. Beyond that, what is so pleasurable about a reunion? You "shared" a goofy 4-year period of your life together...that's it. And I say shared because beyond sports, clubs and clicks the most bonding you had with most of these people was "that annoying/dumb ____ class". Meaning you didn't really get to know them because you were still discovering who yourself

I personally still have a relatively close friendship with my click from High School but I stopped attending the HS reunions a few years into college. It turned into a show off and what is the point of putting an entire night aside to have a couple drinks (tops because I'm driving) with people that share no similarity except being from the same hometown. If we had similarities beyond that, we would have crossed paths.
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Old 02-13-2014, 06:54 PM
 
3,586 posts, read 8,373,440 times
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Most people drift away from their high school friends - its normal.
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Old 02-19-2014, 10:54 PM
 
Location: Milwaukee
50 posts, read 83,151 times
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My best friend from middle and high school lives a few miles from me and we haven't talked once in the past 5 years. Graduated almost 7 years ago. Sounds strange but we're just very different people now I guess.
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