Tis the season for high school reunions. You going? (father, male, guilty)
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Eh, I reached out to 2 women on fb when I discovered we live in the same city.
No one remembered me
Talk about letting the air out of my reunion tires.
I think that statement flippantly discounts a lot of the pain people go through in high school. You remember getting bullied, being picked last for the teams in gym class, all that stuff. Just because it happened 10, 20, or more years ago doesn't mean it still shouldn't hurt.
Then think of it as a way to get past all that. Therapy. A way to purge inner demons.
I mean, hell, just about everybody except the quarterback and the head cheerleaders had to deal with some of that crap, because teenagers are all, without exception, a-holes at some time of another. When I went to my tenth, the guy who was the biggest bully in the school was just ignored by everyone there, as befitting how he had treated others.
So, without being flippant about it, I counsel you to get over it. Quit nursing whatever crap happened to you when you were 14 or 16, because all that does is eat away at you. Chances are, you are no real exception. What's more, the people who might have treated you that way probably really regret their behavior.
To put it mildly, I was not fond of high school. I wasn't bullied much after junior high, but I never really fit in with my classmates, either. The friendships I had were superficial and did not survive the separation of summer, so each fall I felt like the new girl, trying to find her place again. After graduation, I went away to college on the opposite coast, and was thrilled to think that I might never see my classmates again-- not because I harbored many resentments (only a few), but because I welcomed the opportunity to reinvent myself as something other than a "brainy misfit." I happily skipped my 10-year reunion, which I heard about third or fourth-hand, because I wasn't in touch with anyone, and the organizers had no idea how to reach me. I had planned to give the 20-year reunion a pass also, then at the last minute I decided to go because it was held at a venue located about five minutes from home, and curiosity got the better of me.
I am so glad that I went. I had a great time! With one or two exceptions, I could scarcely remember why I disliked certain people in high school, and we all greeted each other warmly, shared reminiscences and had lots of laughs. The real revelation for me was the level of comfort I felt with everyone, which I attribute to the fact that we had all passed through adolescence at the same time, in the same place. While the particulars differed, the broad outlines of our formative years were drawn by shared experiences, and I think that created a connection among us that simply cannot be replicated in the relationships we form with those we meet later in life. It isn't necessarily a stronger bond, but it is a unique one that I would not have discovered if I had skipped another reunion. Our 30-year reunion is fast approaching, and I am genuinely excited about it.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Facebook is sufficient for keeping up with the very few people I actually care about from class. Not going to my 10th even though I only live 170 miles from my HS in VA. Hopefully by year 20 I'll be living much further away like maybe Seattle.
Class reunions are about more than keeping up with a few people whom you liked way back when. As has been noted, Facebook works well for that. But Facebook can't provide the surprises, the common threads, the collective memories, the spontaneity, and newfound changes in old acquaintances that occur at a reunion. These things have to be experienced in person.
There's still much to be said for real-time, face-to-face interactions that happen in non-virtual reality.
Then think of it as a way to get past all that. Therapy. A way to purge inner demons.
I mean, hell, just about everybody except the quarterback and the head cheerleaders had to deal with some of that crap, because teenagers are all, without exception, a-holes at some time of another. When I went to my tenth, the guy who was the biggest bully in the school was just ignored by everyone there, as befitting how he had treated others.
So, without being flippant about it, I counsel you to get over it. Quit nursing whatever crap happened to you when you were 14 or 16, because all that does is eat away at you. Chances are, you are no real exception. What's more, the people who might have treated you that way probably really regret their behavior.
Please, not everyone needs therapy just because they want nothing to do with those they went to high school with. It really isn't as dramatic as all of that, if I really wanted to spend time with any of them I would have already been spending time with them throughout the years after high school.
I counsel you to quit assuming there is anything for anyone to get over and I seriously doubt that any of them regret any of their behavior then or now.
There is nothing to "get past and no demons to purge" besides, if I purge all the demons the voices go away and then I have no one to talk to late at night when I'm all alone...
I've been out of high school for 5 years now. My high school had a 5 year reunion a few months ago. It was organized through Facebook. The organizers decided to open the reunion to the class above mine and the class below mine because "we all had friends in other grades and it would be nice to see them again". It took place at a nearby community center. They invited teachers to come along and thought it was so funny that they would be able to call their old teachers by their first names. I declined the invite. There were over 200 people invited but by looking at the event page and at the pictures posted, only about 20 to 25 showed up and they were all people that hang together outside of reunions anyway. I think a 5 year reunion is pointless. That is way too soon to see everybody again. I also don't want to hear about the awesome university they went to while I've only just finished community college. Obviously a lot of people don't care about reunions. A majority of the people invited still live in the area and still had no desire to go.
I think that statement flippantly discounts a lot of the pain people go through in high school. You remember getting bullied, being picked last for the teams in gym class, all that stuff. Just because it happened 10, 20, or more years ago doesn't mean it still shouldn't hurt.
At some point, you need to either let bygones be bygones or just have no association.
If anything, I think Facebook actually creates a greater desire to go.
I went to my tenth for one night. Skipped my 20th for a trip to the beach. And missed my 30th. Now that I've connected with lots of people from high school, I've found that a) Many of them weren't the jerks I thought they were back then and b) I had forgotten so many cool people.
So if you're still butthurt twenty or thirty years after graduation, seek therapy.
There is a middle ground between feeling enthusiasm for high school reunions and being "butthurt" and it is called irrelevance.
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