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In Highschool, and college i always had a close group of female friends. I was never a female that preferred male friends, or that even could be referred to as "one of the guys". I actually didn't feel the need for male friends, and therefore never really developed any. During these times, while I did struggle a bit with certain girls, I never struggled with making close female friends and in bonding with girls to the point where I would be invited to hang out, do things, etc. After college when I started working, I maintained these friendships and even went on to get to know other colleagues that were females, and for the first time ever I also began making friends with male co-workers too. It was fine. However, I've moved around a lot over the last 4 years and have lived in about 3 different states. And in the last two states I've lived in, I've really struggled with making "new" female friends to hang out with. In fact I've worked at jobs where there were plenty of girls my age, that I thought I could establish friendships with. However in all of these jobs, except for one, the girls were not receptive to me. They all would either hang out and exclude me, or talk to me as a co-worker but would show no interest in hanging out even when I expressed that I wanted to. I did find out later after I left one position, that these girls did not like me, and some of it was due to the male attention I got, the rest of it was due to the fact that I seemed "too" private about my life and not as open as they preferred. In my most recent position, I started off with a good group of female friends, however overtime, we all sort of fell out of contact--I would ask them to hang out, and they would have things to do a lot of the time, and then I would eventually stop asking. And they wouldn't either.
However I have no problem with male friends. In fact I have a ton of guy friends right now in my current state. They have no problem hanging out with me, and I've even dated a couple of them. I now have started just talking to male co-workers whenever I get placed in a new department, and I don't even try with female co-workers anymore. I also find myself getting along better with guys and feeling like I can be myself with them more. I never thought I would be a girl that would have mostly male friends, and that I would be like "one of the guys" but that's the situation I found myself in. And it's all good until I realize that there are feminine things I'd like to talk about, but can't with them. I do still have my out of state girl friends, but I would really like to establish female friendships out here. I don't know how to anymore.
I don't want to do meet-up for the reasons listed in the thread about meet-up(the weird types, the location of the meet-ups, the clique, etc). But I DO want to find ways to make solid female friendships and I have no clue how to anymore--how to relate, how to convey more interest when I meet girls that I would like to be friends with etc. I'm 27 btw.
I think it has to happen more naturally. From a different perspective- I'm very introverted. Generally, I like my own space and am private and find friendships taxing. In my entire life (28 years) I've had very few female friends that I truly trusted and enjoyed their company. I mean there're others I liked, but maybe never really felt like myself with, etc..
I think the first step is to (corny as it sounds) be you, and find people you gravitate to and vice versa. If it were me, mainly I'd focus on quality over quantity. SO you don't have a lot in common with your female coworkers. That's okay. If your male friends have other female friends or sisters or GFs or whatever maybe you could all hang out? Just mention to a couple of your guy friends you want to go to [fun event] with a group, invite them to bring some people, see who you click with there. if there's a cool female you want to get to know and hang out with, invite her to do something you like to do. I think everything that stems from that point should be natural and not chore-like at all.
I'm probably not even a good person to be giving this advice, but if I wanted to expand my horizons (I should, I totally should) this is where I would start I agree- it's very difficult past mid 20's since so many have their core friend groups they share with sig others and then family stuff. But having your male friendships built in you can expand from there.
Last edited by nostoneunturned; 08-10-2014 at 06:58 PM..
Reason: Clarity, dang grammar
Involve yourself in activities with women: like pilates, jogging or a cooking course. If you meet ONE good female friend she will introduce you to the rest of her friends and there you go.
Remember what Einstein said: "If you want different results, you need to try different things".
I have the same problem myself. I'm 29 and most (if not, all) of my friends are married with kids. They do not reach out to me, and after many times reaching out to them to try and do something without success - I dont even bother anymore!
I'm looking for some new friends too so I'm joining the gym and hoping for the best!
Went through the same thing and can give you no magic answers other than find activities you like and do them.
The rest should follow.
Women are a hard lot and we can be quite competitive with other women especially as the stakes get higher. And we tend to nest and grow our families, even as working mothers; which limits the time we have to BE good friends.
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I agree- it's very difficult past mid 20's since so many have their core friend groups they share with sig others and then family stuff. But having your male friendships built in you can expand from there.
