what to do when an old friend calls (jealous, boyfriend, person)
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A couple of days ago an old high school friend called and left a message. I have not talked to this girl in like 20 years. My friend tells me I should call her back, but I honestly have no desire to. Am I being rude if I don't return her call? Is it bad to feel this way?
We were friends for a few years, but we weren't best friends. After high school we just lost touch. We both moved and did different things with our lives.
I'm not really into the catching-up-after-20-years-thing either, but it happens to me frequently. I'm not even easy to find. On purpose, because I once had a boyfriend who wouldn't leave me alone after a break-up. So my number isn't listed and I've gone to great trouble to clean my address and other info off the internet, although I am aware that someone with enough money and time could still probably find me.
But I've had people call relatives of mine (not people they even knew, just assuming they were related to me because we have the same name and live in the same city) trying to get my number. Luckily my relatives don't give out my number, but they all politely say they will pass the information along to me. I tried not returning the calls, but some of them have persisted and even called multiple relatives. I can't imagine ever doing anything like that.
These people seem to be living in the past. So now I return their calls. But I have to say I'm not all that crazy about it. If I really like someone, I keep in touch ... I don't ignore them for more than a decade and then call like a bosom buddy.
I have spoken to people from my school age days because I am not one to hold anything against them. However, many of them have messed up lives so it never works out beyond that first phone call.
Perhaps they wanted to let you know that a mutual friend had passed away or was being given the "keys to the city" and they thought that you would want to know.
The last call that I received "out of the blue" was from an old boy-friend from 40 years ago. He was putting together a task force for our political parties gubernatorial candidate and was seeking an expert on senior women in politics. Since I was extremely active in politics in my teens & twenties he assumed (actually incorrectly) that I would still be active and since it was 40 years later I was obviously a "senior".
I spend less than 10 minutes chatting with him and catching up on our lives, children & grandchildren and I while I doubt if I will hear from him again, it was very nice talking to him.
Another time I received a call out of the blue it was someone, from my childhood, who was writing a magazine article or paper and thought that I may have insight to add to the article.
Of course, maybe they are just calling to ask for money but maybe they are just planning the next reunion.
Every time someone has done that to me, it's because they are at some kind of low point. I hate to sound mean, but I'm not inclined to deal with it, so I don't bother.
Thank you everyone for the replies. A couple of years ago I had another high school friend call and I did call this person back because we were much closer than the girl who called the other day. After a couple of phone calls of catching up she called me to ask me if I would testify at her custody hearing. I thought it was kind of odd to ask someone who you have not been in contact for so many years to do that.
A couple of days ago an old high school friend called and left a message. I have not talked to this girl in like 20 years. My friend tells me I should call her back, but I honestly have no desire to. Am I being rude if I don't return her call? Is it bad to feel this way?
We were friends for a few years, but we weren't best friends. After high school we just lost touch. We both moved and did different things with our lives.
Good timing, in a manner of speaking: recently a guy I haven't talked to since the late 1980s emailed. I guard my phone number jealously. We were fast-friends as kids but drifted apart in Jr. High and HS, as kids will, then went to different State colleges. We'd meet from time to time after, but clearly things had moved on.
So Mr. Friend emails me that he's in-town, the other week. On the day he's actually IN town, with the family.
Ummm...
I blew it off and was going riding anyway, so off I went (to British Columbia, actually). But did feel a bit of guilt, like OP. So I wrote him back later, reporting that was nice to hear from him, but had other plans in-motion. And left it at that.
I'm not a huge planner, but it is very presumptuous, IMO, for person to do that to (OP, or me, or anyone). I need time to pre-process, and prepare my home, for out-of-town guests. Guests I haven't seen since the Reagan Administration? Wow, I'd need a while to even fully digest that for a yes/no answer, much less prepare.
I don't "blame" Mr. Old Friend other than that none of the above crossed his mind, pretty obviously. Or, it did cross his mind but seeing me was pretty low on the list of "to-do's" for Seattle anyway. So yeah there is a bit of guilt, but at the same time: pays yer money and takes yer chances in life.
We both live in obtuse corners of the U.S. (Seattle for me, Ft. Lauderdale for him and his family). Neither are a natural mid-point like, say, Chicago for flights passing through. Both are terminuses, actually, in the CONUS. Last time I was in south Florida (Orlando) was for the 2011 STS-134 Endeavour Shuttle launch, and I don't see getting there again until I retire, frankly. Hell would anyone want to go to Ft. Lauderdale for (and he probably says the same about Seattle)? One is winter-only fun, the other summer-only. I'm sure we can guess which is which. Clues: mine's a wet, freezing hell in the winter. The other, you could swim in the ocean on New Year's Day but would be stupefied by the heat and mosquitoes on July 4.
Maybe we'll catch up then, post-retirement. We were friends in what I call First Quarter (first score of years of a man's life). We may catch up again in Last Quarter (final 20, leading to 80, about the life expectancy of a man). Seems fitting to me, actually.
What's the harm in talking to them if they are reaching out to you, assuming you didn't lose touch because of any big problems in your friendship?
I've had 6 or 7 old friends contact me and I've never had a bad experience in reconnecting with any of them.
I'm always interested in talking to old friends. When we've spoken, it was mostly just catching up on what's been going on since we last saw one another. Three or four I've met for lunch or dinner when they came to my area or I was in theirs. I rekindled friendships with two who had moved away, and we'd lost each other's contact information due to numerous moves and changes of phone numbers. The worst thing that happened with a couple of them is that we had one or two pleasant conversations, and that was the end of it. Nothing unpleasant ever came of any of them.
What's the harm in talking to them if they are reaching out to you, assuming you didn't lose touch because of any big problems in your friendship?
I've had 6 or 7 old friends contact me and I've never had a bad experience in reconnecting with any of them.
I'm always interested in talking to old friends. When we've spoken, it was mostly just catching up on what's been going on since we last saw one another. Three or four I've met for lunch or dinner when they came to my area or I was in theirs. I rekindled friendships with two who had moved away, and we'd lost each other's contact information due to numerous moves and changes of phone numbers. The worst thing that happened with a couple of them is that we had one or two pleasant conversations, and that was the end of it. Nothing unpleasant ever came of any of them.
I have enjoyed reconnecting very much.
I agree,I see no harm in returning the call. Just see what she wants and take it from there.
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