when someone "likes everyone" (spouse, person, present, personality)
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I thought of posting this in the psych forum but I feel like it might be better here...
Do you know anyone who characterizes themselves as someone who likes everyone, doesn't judge, doesn't want to make enemies, etc.?
Do you think that can be taken too far?
I think that it works to a certain degree until the balance tips too far in favor of having many friends in low places as opposed to healthy, uplifting friends. Let me be clear about what I mean by "low places." In this instance I'm referring to unhealthy behaviors like drink/drug abuse (not necessarily addiction, just irresponsible, childish use), cheating, lying, and general scummery.
In my opinion, a healthy friend will reasonably start to wonder why you're holding on to negative situations. Also in my opinion, once you've gotten to a certain level of maturity and personal awareness your relationships naturally come along too; in other words you really can't go back to what you used to be (in this case, in order to connect with friends who remain in low places) without really betraying yourself.
I liken it to someone, say, trying to build a car to appeal to sports car enthusiasts, commuters, high rollers, and construction workers. You're going to compromise too much to be appealing to all that you'll end up being appealing to none.
I have tried to like everyone and failed, even when I tried to have compassion and imagined why a person may be acting in a way that I found to be unappealing.
But---what I strive to do and almost always succeed is to try to treat everyone kindly or at least, civilly. I do like the Buddhist/meditative aspect of lovingkindness and I can wish it for everyone, but I don't have to voluntarily spend time and energy on people who don't add value to my life (and who just use up my time and energy). And I try to be open to everyone, regardless of the package they come in or present as a first impression, to see whether I like them or not.
I loved your analogy about the car trying to appeal to every sector. Different strokes for different folks---that's the beauty of freedom and having choices.
When I tried to like (and befriend) anyone and everyone, I never really compromised any aspect of myself to fit in with them to the point where I was lying or presenting a false version of myself, but I definitely restrained aspects of myself (not fully expressing my beliefs or my intelligence, etc.). I think it was my ego that was compelling me to attempt to like everyone. I felt like a good person to be trying so hard to like and befriend everyone. But I finally had to admit that I was being drained emotionally and that life is too short to spend it trying to like everyone. So now I just treasure it when I actually do find someone who I genuinely like!
I don't think a person like that actually likes everyone. I think what they really do is approach a friendship with an open mind and a tolerant and understanding personality. They try to see the good sides of people. That is admirable. But yes, if someone has very negative flaws and the person who claims to like everyone won't involve themselves because it's negative, then that is going a bit far.
I've always known people who don't get involved in issues like that because it is unpleasant. It's more that they don't want to upset anyone rather than the fact they actually can't see anything wrong. Some people are so afraid of confrontation that they will do anything to avoid it.
Ummm….I kind of like everyone. In part it's that I don't get in too deep with most of the people I am around, so I just take things at face value, don't read into things and don't make judgements. Their choices don't affect me, so why have an opinion? As long as someone isn't out and out rude to me, I pretty much give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Live and let live. This has at times turned into some pretty amazing friendships. Because I really don't have a preconceived notion of people. The unfortunate thing is that most of my friends have nothing in common with each other, and at times, strongly dislike each other. Makes for complicated dinner parties!
Once someone makes it into my inner circle, I am as loyal as they come. There isn't anything that would cause me to "dump" them. It seems that everybody's story has rhyme and reason.
Do you know anyone who characterizes themselves as someone who likes everyone, doesn't judge, doesn't want to make enemies, etc.?
No.
Quote:
Do you think that can be taken too far?
Yes. Such a person is quite naive and setting themselves up to get used and abused. A no-brainer to say there are a lot of bad and unkind people out there, people who lack a conscience and have no problems stabbing you in the back.
I can't imagine such a person with that kind of thought process...
Ummm….I kind of like everyone. In part it's that I don't get in too deep with most of the people I am around, so I just take things at face value, don't read into things and don't make judgements. Their choices don't affect me, so why have an opinion? As long as someone isn't out and out rude to me, I pretty much give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Live and let live. This has at times turned into some pretty amazing friendships. Because I really don't have a preconceived notion of people. The unfortunate thing is that most of my friends have nothing in common with each other, and at times, strongly dislike each other. Makes for complicated dinner parties!
Once someone makes it into my inner circle, I am as loyal as they come. There isn't anything that would cause me to "dump" them. It seems that everybody's story has rhyme and reason.
You mention rudeness being a 'dealbreaker,' but what about people who abuse their spouses (but are "cool with you"), binge drink/drug and endanger others (but are "cool with you"), cheat on their spouses (but are "cool with you"), lie and manipulate others (but are "cool with you")?
Listen, I don't walk around with a crucifix and garlic around my neck to ward of vampires but I feel confident in making choices of who I enjoy being around, and that it's not simply "judging." Part of it is I am totally OK being with myself sometimes and don't need constant social interaction/distraction. Not that I am alone a lot...just that it's not a frightening prospect.
I also sort of subscribe to the notion of "if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything."
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