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I am not sure this is in any way an "advice" thread. Just an odd evening last night when my mother in law stopped over. I am struggling to even figure out why.
Now just quick background, my mother in law and I have always gotten along, although I have also always had this sinking feeling there is something she doesn't like about me. She is an extremely difficult person to read for sincerity (which I am normally good at evaluating sincerity in people) too, which is in part why I am not overly trusting of her intentions combined with enough instances of her actions not following her words. (Nothing mean, but for example she likes to drop hints about wanting to see our daughter as if wanting us to make time to visit, which we love to do, but then when we try to arrange something they always have a weak excuse why they cannot).
So last night, she stops over to visit. Nice. Except, it seemed to turn into this lecture on why I may "like" Outlander, her favorite book series which is now being turned into a Starz special, and which my wife and I watched the first episode of together (although my wife never got into the books, she wanted to give the series a shot). After an hour, I never really figured out if she was trying to encourage me to give it a shot to be "a good husband" or discourage me from watching it because... well... I dunno. The whole tone of the conversation just made me feel like I should be on the defensive. (Honestly, I have no apology for sitting and watching a show with my wife that she is interested in and wants to see. I also like some drama type shows, so it is not unheard of for me to be interested in something of that sort and be relatively entertained. Especially if it is well written/directed/acted).
Anyway, of all the twists a conversation which was odd could turn, she then changed the subject to politics and religion, their interaction, and the supreme court. Now, I just do not discuss politics with my in laws as we are fairly opposite our viewpoints in this area. Here it felt like she was really trying to prod me and get me going. Which made me more suspicious of our first topic.
As if she came to try and push my buttons?
Eventually her and my wife moved on to complaining a little about work, she said she had a great evening, and went home.
Afterwards my wife was as confused as I am, and had no idea what precipitated it all.
Never, ever, never discuss politics or religion with the MIL.
What? That's ridiculous. Family and friends are absolutely who you can discuss these things with; unless of course, you can't have a calm logical conversation where you listen to opposing views and are able to recognize the views as valid, if not your opinion.
You shouldn't discuss these things with strangers.
What? That's ridiculous. Family and friends are absolutely who you can discuss these things with; unless of course, you can't have a calm logical conversation where you listen to opposing views and are able to recognize the views as valid, if not your opinion.
You shouldn't discuss these things with strangers.
Nowadays these discussions too often lead to arguments and bad feelings. The political rhetoric has become more and more polarizing and isolating over the years, and the notion of "agree to disagree" is nearly nonexistent. For example, if you believe the ideology of those you disagree with is racist, intolerant and hateful in what way are you inclined to recognize it as valid?
I wouldn't read much more into it than a conversation of some sort.
This book/TV series really is polarizing though. don't see why. seems those who really love them, love them and cross beyond the boundary of personal taste.
so maybe she started off just wanting to visit and just wandered a little over that personal interest boundary. became an advocate maybe instead of a conversation.
Don't over analyze her visit. Maybe she just wanted to see all of you. Be glad she feels comfortable enough to come over without a really important reason or plans.
It's called a telephone. It is rude to just drop in on people, relative or not.
You call first and say " is this a good time to come over for a visit?".
Every family has its rules and courtesies. Mine, we all came and went through each other's houses at will, and if someone was busy, they just said so.
But in this case, the MIL sounds pretty socially inept. That may be why the OP just gets a sense of insincerity. She may simply be unsure of what she is trying to express or how to discuss things appropriately.
Frankly, OP, I think your wife should have taken the lead on this and steered the conversation to less treacherous waters. Ask her if she can do that the next time the going gets a little weird. You could even have a signal between you.
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