Black Sheep of the Family - UNITE! (wife, girlfriend, spouse)

[RosemaryT]

I've always been "The Black Sheep" of the family. Growing up, I was often told that I was an oddball. For many years, it made me sad because if there's one place you should be able to fit in, it's within your own family.

However, at age 55, I've come to realize - it ain't happening.

My parents have been dead for many years, so my siblings and their children now constitute The Family. And I *really* do not fit in with much of that crowd, despite many years of trying extra hard.

I've come to realize that being "authentic" and sincere is a lot more important than fitting in - even with family.

Part of it might be that I'm a writer, and we're the original starving artists. That doesn't bode well when you come from a long line of folks that place a high premium on financial success and intellectual prowess.

So, that's my story.

Anyone else?

PS. I'm horrified to see I have a typo in the title and can't edit it out! ARGH!!

[Pitt Chick]

I come from a family of oddballs. We are all black sheep... and it makes gatherings very interesting!

[RosemaryT]

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

I come from a family of oddballs. We are all black sheep... and it makes gatherings very interesting!

I envy you! Being the lone artist in a room full of science-minded types is challenging.

[Claireisme]

I'm also the black sheep. But not out of choice.

[amylewis]

I'm the black sheep in a family of black sheep. I wrote them all off years ago. I want nothing from them, need nothing from them, and see them as a horrid and toxic bunch of people I've cut off all contact with years ago. I have far better things to do than deal with their dysfunctional and horrid mentalities. Life has been far simpler and far more peaceful since I cut them out of my life.

[Mike from back east]

Originally Posted by RosemaryT

....PS. I'm horrified to see I have a typo in the title and can't edit it out! ARGH!!

Any Moderator can fix a thread title, all you have to do is click on that triangular icon (Report Bad Post) and tell them what you want to do. My wife read this and I had her send me the link, so I'll fix it for you.

As far as advice, you gotta be true to yourself. My wife and I are "societal" black sheep....no kids, no religion, no pets, no drugs, no tobacco, no Facebook, no marijuana, no Twitter, no smartphones .... we don't fit in with the bulk of a society where about 75% of all Americans do have kids, and/or pets, and/or social media, and/or claim to be of a certain religion. Count us out on all those things....black sheep R us.

PS: Yes, we moved across the country to a new place and her family thinks we deserted them for no good reason.

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by RosemaryT

I envy you! Being the lone artist in a room full of science-minded types is challenging.

Yep.
You would be my son! And he is one of the most laidback, easygoing guys you'd ever want to meet.

But, as I said, we are all the black sheep. We all have our oddities. We are all different in regards to religion, politics, anything that incites (LOL!), but we all get along remarkably well. And we all truly enjoy each others company.

I guess we just learned to accept each other, warts and all!

[Back to NE]

I'm a classic black sheep/middle child. Siblings got As, I got Bs and Cs. On grades alone I was in the family dog house since 7th grade. My status in the family was a distant last, my father would regularly stop listening to me the moment mom or sis started talking about anything.

But as I grew up, I realized that every human being is x% A-hole, and by 30 I officially realized that it wasn't me, it was them. I no longer took parental advice because it was too often ignorant or flawed. Yet, they were the only family I had, and I wasn't going to go estranged from them.

Now, I'm just past 50, dad is gone but the rest of us are here and at X-mas we'll get together again.

Funny thing, I'm by far the most successful professionally between the siblings. Brother with a BS in Engineering and MBA at celebrated schools was a wholesaler at best, now barely making minimum wage (but his wife supports him along with family money). Sister, also a graduate of a good school, dropped her career early to have kids and has lost all confidence to get back into the work world.

Anyway, they are all doing fine, mostly happy people. I like to think I, as the placator, team-player, only non-selfish member of the family, had alot to do with them developing all their self esteem...which helped them land financially supportive spouses.

So being the repressed black sheep of the family didn't bring me down though it probably dooms me to never getting married. I think the loss of respect/faith in your own loved ones/housemates, makes me incapable of spending long periods of time with anyone. Mom and sis could be cool for hours but totally change and get ugly over nothing. So my past girlfriends have all been dropped because they aren't seen as being any different from them. 3 months, I'm done. Yeah, intimacy issues.

Parents, please don't place too high an emphasis on grades in school. Honors Listers can end up slackers, and shaky students can end up with nice resumes.

[corijei]

My mom and I are the black sheep of the fam. I don't bother going to family reunions, holiday dinners anymore. I stopped that in 2004. I did however get suckered into going to my grandma birthday party in 2009. She's the ring leader of the anti-black sheep movement in the family. Doesn't bother one bit as it did when I was a kid. I was made fun of throughout school for being myself and treated oddly by the family because my views are different. Just another day.

[Blondebaerde]

LOL: that black sheep even mention they're "black sheep" is amusing. Another take on it, from an "Only":

Look at the bright side: maybe you're not psychopathic. Psychopaths are the ultimate narcissists, and spend little if-any time reflecting on the "emotional validity" of what they do, or don't-do, and how it affects others.

I was the only child of parents who were a unit, but thought very differently. They never should have been married to begin with. It became abundantly clear by the time I was about 12 I wanted no part of dysfunction, so I detached fast as I could to whatever extent practicable. My mom's people were 60 miles away, and a messed-up bunch if there ever was one. My dad's people, 750 miles away and seen very seldom. Thus there never was any "family" to speak of.

They're all dead to me, parents gone lo over these years too of natural causes. Wouldn't say, "black sheep;" rather "checked-out sheep who decided to become a wolf instead." Probably the first time I've ever even thought about it.

Wouldn't suggest anyone who self-defines that way spending more than 5 min worrying on it, either. Detach from all of it, leave the drama straight back to whatever version of Hell it came from. Yes, that's unrealistic for those from bigger families, I'm sure, but it sure is liberating if you can.