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Let me preface this by saying I really dislike conflict and really treasure peace and quiet. And the holidays are the only time I have this amount of time off from work.
My family is very small...we lost my grandfather over the summer making it even smaller. My mother, aunt and uncle live in a small town in SC and I live in Chicago. Since moving to Chicago a couple of years ago I usually only go home for Christmas instead of both Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year my mom said she wanted to visit our aunt in Charleston, WV for Thanksgiving and she relayed to me that my aunt said I could join them and would be happy for me to.
So, I decided to go and confirmed with my aunt I would be there. Well, it would take a lot of explaining to get across this point about my mom, but let's just say she has some personality disorder issues. Anything/everything sets her off and you never know what you've done to offend her until she either stops talking to you and/or goes off on you. About 2 weeks ago I told my Aunt in SC that my mother planned on going to WV and I was going to join her there. I think my mom found out I told and is mad at me. Because I've been calling her for over a week with no return call. The only time I heard from her was 3 days ago when I text her Happy Birthday and she responded with two words. (Mind you I did try to contact her about 6 times that day but she didn't answer or return the calls.)
My mom considers herself to be "private" and might be mad that I told my Aunt about her plans. I'm 90% sure that's why she won't return my calls. My mom was supposed to leave today to head to WV; she was going to take a bus which takes like 9 hours so I was trying to reach her before she left. I also wanted to talk to her all week because I was going to order Thanksgiving dinner for us and bring it up there and I had until today to place the order. Now I'm kinda SOL with that.
I'm so TIRED of going through drama around the holidays with her. I got a new job this year that's pretty stressful and Thanksgiving/Christmas is my main time to relax. Would it be wrong if I just cancelled my plans to go? If she's acting like this now chances are she's going to be difficult/awkward to be around when I get there. I absolutely HATE to cancel on my aunt but I really just want to have a peaceful, relaxing and drama free holiday. I honestly don't want to drive 7 hours each way anywhere in this cold to be around anyone's attitude.
Yep, cancel. And while I'm not a fan of dishonesty, if push comes to shove, you can always tell your mom that you have to work the next day because you're the new person and couldn't get the day off.
Wow...I'm kinda surprised everyone has said to cancel so far. I was expecting more responses along the lines of "It's your mom and your family...put aside how you feel and go."
I guess I'm struggling with the idea of not seeing my aunt who was really happy about the thought of me coming.
Wow...I'm kinda surprised everyone has said to cancel so far. I was expecting more responses along the lines of "It's your mom and your family...put aside how you feel and go."
I guess I'm struggling with the idea of not seeing my aunt who was really happy about the thought of me coming.
But...are you going to enjoy it, feel recharged, etc? Maybe in future you will be able to go...but trips out of guilt and pity aren't recharging.
I wouldn't lie or make up excuses to your mother. Heck, Iwouldn't lie to your aunt either.
I'd say, "Mom, I've been trying to contact you for days, and you're giving me one of your silent treatments. I gotta tell you, I'm sick of those. I'm sick of the drama. So - this Thanksgiving, I'm staying in Chicago. I'm not going to drive 14 hours in terrible weather to put up with drama. And to clarify - I WOULD have been there if it wasn't for the weird silent treatment thing you pulled.
Now - let's talk about Christmas. I really want to spend it with you and our family. I am looking forward to it! But I need to let you know on the front end - I am not spending my holiday time with family putting up silent treatments or ragging on me or other unnecessary drama, so if it starts up, I'm just going to leave. I won't throw a fit, and I won't cry and argue and slam doors. I'll just leave. I don't want to do that - I want us to enjoy the holidays together. So - those are my boundaries. Let's enjoy Christmas together!"
I wouldn't lie or make up excuses to your mother. Heck, Iwouldn't lie to your aunt either.
I'd say, "Mom, I've been trying to contact you for days, and you're giving me one of your silent treatments. I gotta tell you, I'm sick of those. I'm sick of the drama. So - this Thanksgiving, I'm staying in Chicago. I'm not going to drive 14 hours in terrible weather to put up with drama. And to clarify - I WOULD have been there if it wasn't for the weird silent treatment thing you pulled.
Now - let's talk about Christmas. I really want to spend it with you and our family. I am looking forward to it! But I need to let you know on the front end - I am not spending my holiday time with family putting up silent treatments or ragging on me or other unnecessary drama, so if it starts up, I'm just going to leave. I won't throw a fit, and I won't cry and argue and slam doors. I'll just leave. I don't want to do that - I want us to enjoy the holidays together. So - those are my boundaries. Let's enjoy Christmas together!"
This ^^^. Just tell her this.
And next time, don't share news that's not yours to share, especially if you know your mom is such a baby about that kind of thing.
Stop chasing her. You're feeding into her drama. Go if you want to, knowing you can't be responsible for her behavior.
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