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My husband blew up at my dad in front of his wife and son. They have not spoke since sept. We always sped holidays with them. We are all very close. At least I thought my husband loved them guess he was lieing. How doi handle holidays my little boy loves them. I am very close to them but I do love my husband but cant believe how he acted.
My husband blew up at my dad in front of his wife and son. They have not spoke since sept. We always sped holidays with them. We are all very close. At least I thought my husband loved them guess he was lieing. How doi handle holidays my little boy loves them. I am very close to them but I do love my husband but cant believe how he acted.
We have absolutely zero context to even know whether or not your husband was justified in being angry, so it's very hard to give you any meaningful advice. If your husband is being a jerk about this, tell him that he either needs to make up with your dad, or you're taking your son over to see your Dad over the holidays without him.
Then do it.
If your husband's response to whatever your dad did was understandable or justified (I really don't care that it was "in his own home" - makes little difference to me where it happened if your dad was being a jerk), then you need to stand by your husband. Tell your dad that you're going to bring your son over for an hour or so over the holidays, but that doesn't mean you don't agree with your husband.
Tell both these hardheaded men that their arguments shouldn't affect your son so harshly and that they need to work their **** out pronto for his sake. If that doesn't sway either of them, then you're dealing with TWO jerks.
My husband blew up at my dad in front of his wife and son. They have not spoke since sept. We always sped holidays with them. We are all very close. At least I thought my husband loved them guess he was lieing. How doi handle holidays my little boy loves them. I am very close to them but I do love my husband but cant believe how he acted.
You do realize you can "love" someone and not like them or condone their behavior right?
Loving your husband does not mean you give him a pass when he has behaved inappropriately.
I suggest you let your husband know you are expecting him to do his part to repair the relationship immediately.
Ask you husband what he thinks he wants to do about this issue but forewarn him that you will be connecting with your Dad during the holidays for the sake of your son and your own core need to stay connected. If your husband wants to reconnnect, too, so your family and visit together then brainstorm with him about how to make that happen. If your husband would prefer to keep his distance, then brainstrom with him about how/when you will be visiting without him.
Don't give your husband control over your son's relationship with his Granddad.
We have absolutely zero context to even know whether or not your husband was justified in being angry, so it's very hard to give you any meaningful advice. If your husband is being a jerk about this, tell him that he either needs to make up with your dad, or you're taking your son over to see your Dad over the holidays without him.
Then do it.
If your husband's response to whatever your dad did was understandable or justified (I really don't care that it was "in his own home" - makes little difference to me where it happened if your dad was being a jerk), then you need to stand by your husband. Tell your dad that you're going to bring your son over for an hour or so over the holidays, but that doesn't mean you don't agree with your husband.
Tell both these hardheaded men that their arguments shouldn't affect your son so harshly and that they need to work their **** out pronto for his sake. If that doesn't sway either of them, then you're dealing with TWO jerks.
I agree with everything you said except for the part about the venue of the incident. That makes a huge difference to me. I think he should have simply left the father in laws premises and returned home immediately.
Anyway, i think your advice is sound. OP best of luck
We have absolutely zero context to even know whether or not your husband was justified in being angry, so it's very hard to give you any meaningful advice. If your husband is being a jerk about this, tell him that he either needs to make up with your dad, or you're taking your son over to see your Dad over the holidays without him.
Then do it.
If your husband's response to whatever your dad did was understandable or justified (I really don't care that it was "in his own home" - makes little difference to me where it happened if your dad was being a jerk), then you need to stand by your husband. Tell your dad that you're going to bring your son over for an hour or so over the holidays, but that doesn't mean you don't agree with your husband.
Tell both these hardheaded men that their arguments shouldn't affect your son so harshly and that they need to work their **** out pronto for his sake. If that doesn't sway either of them, then you're dealing with TWO jerks.
I disagree with this totally. Whether or not you agree with your husband or found his actions justified is irrelevant. He is your husband and you need to respect him and support him. Period. Regardless of what you say to anyone, the fact that you're visiting without him is showing disloyalty.
Your husband should respect your father in his own home, but that's for them to work out. I think you should strongly encourage them to do that, but never use your child as leverage to try to coerce your husband to do anything.
I disagree with this totally. Whether or not you agree with your husband or found his actions justified is irrelevant. He is your husband and you need to respect him and support him. Period. Regardless of what you say to anyone, the fact that you're visiting without him is showing disloyalty.
Your husband should respect your father in his own home, but that's for them to work out. I think you should strongly encourage them to do that, but never use your child as leverage to try to coerce your husband to do anything.
Surely you jest. But OK - I'll play.
I am going to assume, unless you tell me otherwise, that you haven't had to deal with an abusive or out of control spouse before. I have - and so have lots of other people. I tried (wrongly it seems) for years to support his POV, to justify his actions toward me and others, and to show him so much loyalty that he would never question or abuse me again - to no avail.
He tried to destroy my relationships with my friends and eventually my immediate family. This is a common way of controlling and abusing others - isolation from friends and family. His unrealistic demands put unwarranted separation between me and my family - and between my children and their grandparents.
I'm not saying that the OP's situation is the same - frankly she hasn't given us enough information to determine whether it is or not. And actually, she does allude to her belief that her husband was out of place in his actions. I don't think that spouses owe it to spouses to support them when they are doing wrong. My gosh, where do you draw the line? What if the husband was intentionally rude to others? What if he was a tax evader? What if he was a perpetual liar and asking her to cover for him all the time? What if he was asking her to hide a crime? Your blanket statement of "He is your husband and you need to respect him and support him. Period." is...well, pretty out there in my opinion.
The child shouldn't have to be put in the middle. He shouldn't have to suffer because two grown men are arguing. This is not about the child (as far as we know) and it shouldn't become about the child. Unless the grandfather is abusive, the child should be allowed to access to the grandfather whether the grown men are getting along or not. Sheeze.
Who's talking about using the child as leverage, by the way?
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