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Old 11-29-2014, 06:32 PM
 
989 posts, read 1,386,601 times
Reputation: 1598

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There's one in every family, I have a mentally ill brother who has never received treatment because he is in denial that he needs help. He's good looking, a pathological liar, strong physically, and 53. As a teenager he beat the $hit out of me, broke my nose, cracked my skull, strangled me...but no one believed me, as he denied it all...and yes there were strangle marks and bloody noses.

He has been in trouble before, domestic violence with a GF, etc. On Thanksgiving day apparently he got into a confrontation with a 70 something woman at my father's nursing home and shoved her, there were witnesses, police were called the woman did not file charges...but she still could.

The confrontation was that she uses the bathroom in my father's room, her husband is my father's roommate. I imagine she didn't file charges because she likes my mother and father.

Now my mother is scared for her own safety as she should be. I suggested that she tell him to contact a criminal attorney, and let him give my brother the truth...he's a mentally ill a$$hole that needs therapy, and may likely end up in prison, where he may be beaten to a pulp.

No one can make him go to therapy, but one can suggest he may get a lighter sentence if it appears he's in therapy "if" he is charged.

He is spoiled, has always been handled with kid gloves, but now my mother is finally getting it...he could harm or kill her in one of his bouts of anger.

I live out of state, that was to get a way from this dis-functional situation. I'm torn what to do.

I am happy to be the whistle blower, and call the police to express my mother's fears. Of course, she doesn't want to see him arrested...

I don't know what the police could even do, and it could escalate things.

Nothing may happen, but I would never forgive myself if he killed her and I sat by sweeping his behavior under the carpet as my parents have for years, they just hoped he would outgrow his sickness.

Help? Suggestions?

My mother has pulled in the outside hidden key at her house, that tells me she is legitimately scared.
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Old 11-29-2014, 06:40 PM
 
7,493 posts, read 11,230,216 times
Reputation: 7394
Mental illness is a very tough situation and it surprises me how little has been done about solving the problem considering the prevalence of it these days and all the problems that go right back to it. Maybe you all can reach an agreement with him that he not visit the nursing home without supervision, either from a strong family member or a neutral party such as a professional. It's one thing for your family to have to deal with this, but innocent people shouldn't have to and he got lucky this time that this woman didn't press charges. Next time someone might. Besides, do you really want to risk a "next time"?
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Old 11-29-2014, 06:42 PM
 
13,914 posts, read 24,276,987 times
Reputation: 39363
Ideally, the woman who was victimized by him would agree to file charges. But, he won't be locked up for that, and you would need more proof that he is mentally ill.

Tough spot. He doesn't live with your mother, does he? Is he self-sufficient and working?
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Old 11-29-2014, 06:44 PM
 
989 posts, read 1,386,601 times
Reputation: 1598
Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
Mental illness is a very tough situation and it surprises me how little has been done about solving the problem considering the prevalence of it these days and all the problems that go right back to it. Maybe you all can reach an agreement with him that he not visit the nursing home without supervision, either from a strong family member or a neutral party such as a professional. It's one thing for your family to have to deal with this, but innocent people shouldn't have to and he got lucky this time that this woman didn't press charges. Next time someone might. Besides, do you really want to risk a "next time"?

He has been permanently banned from the nursing home, next time he sees my father will be at the morgue before he is cremated.
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Old 11-29-2014, 06:47 PM
 
989 posts, read 1,386,601 times
Reputation: 1598
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Ideally, the woman who was victimized by him would agree to file charges. But, he won't be locked up for that, and you would need more proof that he is mentally ill.

Tough spot. He doesn't live with your mother, does he? Is he self-sufficient and working?
Agreed, I'm hoping she file charges...I'm thinking I could convince a policeman to talk her into that...but that would be hard for my mother. But, I'm thinking the best thing for him.

He lives alone, but would like a GF. He goes to my mother's house a lot to whine which I think is a form of verbal abuse.

He is unemployed, but pays bills from rentals he has...the unemployment is not helping his state of mind, of course who would employ him?
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Old 11-29-2014, 06:59 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
96,578 posts, read 94,439,183 times
Reputation: 106865
Why didn't your mom do anything about your brother when he was growing up? Where did she think your skull fracture, bruises and bloody noses came from? Did you not try to get help from a teacher or other authority, when it was clear your parents weren't willing to protect you?

This is a nightmare!
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Old 11-29-2014, 07:04 PM
 
989 posts, read 1,386,601 times
Reputation: 1598
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Why didn't your mom do anything about your brother when he was growing up? Where did she think your skull fracture, bruises and bloody noses came from? Did you not try to get help from a teacher or other authority, when it was clear your parents weren't willing to protect you?

This is a nightmare!
They tried to get him help, preachers, doctors, etc. He charmed everyone and said there was no problem.

They looked the other way on my injuries...I heard my skull fracture while he beat me on a tile floor, they never took me for x-rays. The other damage was clear...their solution was to blame me and they tried to ship me off to a boarding school to protect his image in our small town. Of course, I threw the entrance exams , I was not willing to be shipped away from my pets...so I took the abuse. I did not seek out a teacher or anyone authority to help me. At my last HS reunion I admitted things to a friend, and she said she felt like I was being abused when I was young but never said anything.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...
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Old 11-29-2014, 08:39 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 3,250,817 times
Reputation: 2369
Duplicate thread. Please visit Psychology forum for original one.
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