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I've never been good a making friends. I really think though, that school and college are the best years to make them. You are around people your age with similar interests. After school, it's hard to find people with like interests.
I have only two people now who I consider close friends. One of these friendships I think is about to drift away. We were mainly friends because activities in life made it easy for us to hang out every week. Now that we don't have that in common, and their schedule is so weird, we hang out less than once a month.
My other close friend I still hang out with weekly. But we don't hang out nearly as much as we did until now.
I've tried to figure out how to meet people, but I can't. Where I live there are no real social places to meet people. I don't think you can just meet people in a store, the mall, or restaurant and make friends that way. And when people go to events I don't think they're doing it to make friends. I was caught off guard when I was in Walmart a few weeks ago and someone said "Hi, how are you?" I was trying to figure out if I knew them. It's just not something I expect.
Also, it could possibly be me that is the problem. I'm not popular, loud or outgoing, qualities that make it easy to make friends.
I just miss actually going places out of town and doing things like I did in college. I don't mind being by myself so much, but week in and week out of just going home every weekend gets old. Friday nights I just wander around stores by myself, and maybe eat out with my one friend. It just gets lonely after awhile.
Haha, I live in Pa and your right. Philly at least, tends to be cliquish and all about loyalty--most people already have their own group of friends and they don't care too much about forming new friendships of substance.
I'm sorry OP... I recently came to the realization that in the city I'm in, there is a good chance I won't make any close female friends. While I haven't tried as hard as I perhaps could(joining meetup, getting involved in a church, volunteering, etc), from the experiences I've had when I tried to make connections with women in my city, through jobs or school, it just wasn't happening. They were friendly enough, but they were more than happy with the friends they already had. I also know that I have some personality quirks that certainly make it difficult for people to really get me. All of the friendships I've formed and sustained thus far have been with men. I was never one to only have male friends, because I love the quality girlfriend, but I've gotten use to that. I still keep in touch with friends from other states I lived in. But I've given up on making quality female friends out here in Philly.
Thankfully I'll be moving somewhere else in a couple of years, but I completely understand how difficult it is to be in a city, with no real friends, and to try to form connections that just don't go anywhere. Just find happiness within yourself--even if it means you'll do things alone, and try to focus on finding fulfillment in other ways as best as you can. If you're more extroverted consider putting yourself out there a bit more to see if that helps any.
Do you have hobbies?
The other suggestion about meet up is a good one. Taking a class also for example if you like arts and crafts or computers. I have also met people at the gym.
Are you employed?
In all of these places you may have to start some small chat. Then if you see the people on a more regular basis you begin to know them and a friendship can build.
Haha, I live in Pa and your right. Philly at least, tends to be cliquish and all about loyalty--most people already have their own group of friends and they don't care too much about forming new friendships of substance.
I'm sorry OP... I recently came to the realization that in the city I'm in, there is a good chance I won't make any close female friends. While I haven't tried as hard as I perhaps could(joining meetup, getting involved in a church, volunteering, etc), from the experiences I've had when I tried to make connections with women in my city, through jobs or school, it just wasn't happening. They were friendly enough, but they were more than happy with the friends they already had.
Yup! That's been my experience for years, and all over the the U.S., if people don't already know you they don't want to, they have all the friends they want. It's a world full of cliques and if you aren't in one you are shut out. I think that's just where society is now.
You sound a lot like me. I find making friends after getting out of college very hard. I've moved around a lot so it seemed like I was always "new" and the older you get, the harder it gets to make friends. Not that it's impossible though.
Women are hard to be friends with because they always seem to have their own group of friends and they don't want to let anyone else in their group. I've come up on that alot. Women seems to like to keep people in their lives seperate.
The fear of being hurt also stops me. I'm afraid of being rejected by people so that can really stop you from branching out and taking risks.
The only thing I can say is to stay open to possibilities of meeting some great friends wherever you are. I'm joining a church and a gym and will try my hardest to be open to new relationships.
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. I wish you the best and hope you do finally meet some great friends.
It can be really hard after school. I have struggled for six years (PA and now TX!) to make great friends. Find something you are passionate about and volunteer. This is a great way to meet people. Habitat for Humanity, YMCA, etc.
Also do you like to run or bike? Find groups in your area that do this. A great way to bond with like minded people. If you don't, great time to start and get fit and make friend!
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