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I can give more details. At age 23 it came to light that my husband was suffering from great anxiety. He lost weight and was so miserable. Our family doctor sent us to the city to a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with an anxiety psychosis. After a few trips it was decided he needed to enter a sanitarium to continue electric shock treatments.
My husband insisted I stay nearby with a lifetime girlfriend and visit him daily, which I did. Both our parents kept the children, but his mother was certain I was in the city have a wonderful time. She said I should stay at home with the children. She didn't believe anything was wrong with her son and apparently couldn't recognize the misery in his eyes or the weight he'd lost.
When this type agony hits a person, it rarely actually goes away. It may go into the background, but it there, ready to return at any moment and that's what happened. This first round eventually cleared up and a few years go by before it appeared again and the haunted look in his eyes was apparent.
I was very aware the examples I gave in the op were lame, but they didn't deny the whole picture. I simply didn't tell the whole picture, because I know how things were and readers don't. The psychiatrist said one reason for the anxiety was the fault of his mother.
I wasn't writing about a current situation. At age 38, my husband acquired a heart condition and died the next year. His mother blamed me. After all, I was still alive. She visited his grave daily for many years. I think she wanted me to join her, but I never did.
I can't possibly write every evil thing the woman did. I just thought it would be interesting to know how many others had such an MIL in their life.
I'm very sorry to hear that your husband passed away (((HUGS))) I think blame is easy to shift in any family, and "the outsider" becomes an easy target. Blaming you helped your mother in law reassure herself that it wasn't her fault when your DH was sick, or when he died. Visiting his grave daily (in her mind) proved that she loved him more than you did. No one wants to take responsibility for their role in a bad situation. Sounds like your MIL just liked shifting blame, and being a judgemental @ss.
Wow, girl. That's a tragic sucky situation. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. It's not just your MIL's rights, but your children's rights to see her. So how old are your kids? It's such a shame that the angst has remained for all these years.
You should make it a point to not care what she does, says and thinks. Put that out of your mind. But try to have some love and caring in your heart even if it's not returned. One day the kids will ask why she's not nice to you. They shouldn't be asking why you're not nice to her. Hang in there and focus on enjoying life!!
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like your mother in laws past behavior still bothers you, which is understandable.
Have you thought of counseling? Sometimes it's good to get things off your chest. Have you met any other guys that you might be interested in? Unless, of course, his passing was recent, there comes a time when you have to move forward in life; you can't stay stuck in the past.
Fortunately, I have always gotten along great with my in-laws. I have often felt that if my wife split from me, my mother-in-law would get me in the divorce!
Sorry you and your MIL never developed a good relationship. I have found my relationship with my MIL to be one of the best friendships of my life -- she adores me and I adore her.
The children have been adults now for quite awhile. They know their dad was ill, but they don't know it was mental, nor the extent of it and they've never asked. They have a good relationship with his mother, which I've encouraged. I'm sure she's aware they are all she has.
former MIL couldn't decide which of her sons married the worst woman - she'd switch off loving/hating the two of us. After my husband died in an accident I lost contact with that family (heard some good stories how accident was my fault - he was coming home from work)
You could fill pages, yet you only mentioned those three trivial things? If she is your MIL from hell, your hell ain't so bad.
I love my MIL, but wouldn't care a lick if she had washed a jacket. The two comments she made were rude, granted, but you admit you've done rude things, too. If she should get over you two running off, maybe you should get over these two innocuous comments.
You're missing the point about the jacket. She inserted herself into a playful argument that wasn't her business and hid the jacket until the next visit.
You're missing the point about the jacket. She inserted herself into a playful argument that wasn't her business and hid the jacket until the next visit.
You have great insight. He and I were both surprised that she took it seriously.
You could fill pages, yet you only mentioned those three trivial things? If she is your MIL from hell, your hell ain't so bad ...
That was also my immediate reaction. If that's the worst you could come up with, you don't have it so bad. Perhaps you should try not to take offense so easily. You admit she treats your children equally, so stop worrying about what she might be thinking.
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