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I've been here in Indiana for a year now. I'm 28 and my parents and grandparents live in east TN. I took ten days off at Christmas and went home, took two days off and went to FL over MLK, and also came back home over President's Day. I'm getting ready to go back for another five days over Good Friday.
I miss my family and talk to at least my parents daily and my grandparents twice a week. Still, it seems like most of the time I get off, I'm running home. I used to enjoy it, but this time, it's becoming a real nuisance. I have few friends left there. There's little to do in the immediate location. Mom and Dad want to go to the nearest nice town - another hundred miles from the house. It's spring, and I'd just as soon spend the time outdoors here. I feel like going home is really impeding upon having those days off to myself.
My parents have come up here twice, but I don't have a free bedroom (second bedroom is my computer room) and end up on the air mattress. My 2BR/1BA apartment just sucks for three people. They're receptive to coming up to Michigan and meeting me for a Memorial Day vacation.
Do you ever feel like your vacation constantly goes to visit family? How do you balance family needs with wanting to do things on your own?
Yes, but my parents live in Sweden and I'm in Chicago. I try to see them at least once every two years. We have to alternate between my parents and my husbands parents. His parents are also divorced so that makes things even harder.
Do you have to see your parents every time you have vacation? Will they get their feelings hurt if you don't? You are only 28 so I'm guessing your parents can't be THAT old. You should really take some time for yourself. Especially if you see them several times a year anyways.
Who has the need? It sounds as though you miss your parents, and want to go home, but 5 times in less than a year is a lot, even if they made the trip twice. Start making your own life.
The next time they expect you to come, tell them you're putting the travel money into a daybed for your 2nd bedroom instead. That shouldn't interfere with it's use as an office space. Let them want to come to you. If I had to sleep on an air mattress in order to see my kids, or if I thought I was putting them out of their own bed, they wouldn't see much of me either.
Ten days all at once is a lot, and seems unnecessary. 5 trips in a year seems unnecessary. One trip in the summer and one at
Christmas seems like more than enough, to me. Invest in a bed of some kind for your office so they can come see you. Do they travel? Maybe in the summer you could vacation together instead of going to their home.
Who has the need? It sounds as though you miss your parents, and want to go home, but 5 times in less than a year is a lot, even if they made the trip twice. Start making your own life.
The next time they expect you to come, tell them you're putting the travel money into a daybed for your 2nd bedroom instead. That shouldn't interfere with it's use as an office space. Let them want to come to you. If I had to sleep on an air mattress in order to see my kids, or if I thought I was putting them out of their own bed, they wouldn't see much of me either.
I do miss the family. I was an only child and was close to the one grandmother all along. I've just become close to my paternal grandparents in recent years (he was a lifelong alcoholic). In some ways, I feel cheated out of the years, and want to make them up.
I have my own life and don't really have much left to return home to.
Ten days all at once is a lot, and seems unnecessary. 5 trips in a year seems unnecessary. One trip in the summer and one at
Christmas seems like more than enough, to me. Invest in a bed of some kind for your office so they can come see you. Do they travel? Maybe in the summer you could vacation together instead of going to their home.
ETA Why do you go?
I spent a couple of days back at Christmas on the road in NC/SC, reasonably close to home in TN. These are places I would choose to spend personal time in anyway.
Do you feel guilty that you live so far away and just can't pop over to see them?
I think seeing them once or twice a year is perfectly reasonable. You should be building your own life now and they should understand that. Plan a trip somewhere and next time you're chatting just mention, " oh I'm going to this place for x number of days I'm so excited!" More than likely they will be excited for you and want you to enjoy yourself. And maybe not invite yourself to see them. Let them ask you.
Just wait until you have kids. It's impossible to say no.
Sure it is. We go on one big family vacation a year. Why? Because WE are a family.
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