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So there's this friend. She's not rich, but her family is well off. Her parents care about her and they're people who just want the best for her. Her parents also have some influential connections, which benefits her. She's allowed to take singing and art classes because they support whatever she likes doing. She has friends who see her worth and don't treat her like dirt. She goes on trips to exotic places a few times every year, and there are so many parental figures in her life.
In contrast, my family has struggled financially (we don't do christmas/bday presents or go out of state), they get easily frustrated at me and due to our poverty they pressure me on having a fancy science/technology job (despite the fact that science and math are my worst subjects in school). Obviously, my parents can't afford to send me to singing or dance classes or whatever. Her friends (the one mentioned in the previous paragraph) coincidentally treated me like dirt when I hung out with them. I was always the sidekick who they vented and ranted to, and nothing else. I have no parental figures in my life. Often, I don't know who to turn to for advice.
I just recently cut off my friends (aka her friends) because they were toxic and they were dragging me down as well. I'm still friends with her, though, because she didn't want to be involved. I've made one or two new acquaintances (not friends) who I like much better. Recently, I was talking to this friend about how I feel much happier because I'm surrounded by people who are more politically aware and aren't depressing or gloomy all the time. We're both aware that her friends (my ex friends) are not well liked because they are very well known throughout my school as being melodramatic and gossipy. However, when I told her very honestly that no one liked them, she blew up and accused me of making her feel bad about her life. I was outraged because of the obvious fact that that wasn't true. For the first time, something i feel good about has happened to me and I want to talk about it, but I get accused of being "self centered"? Hypocrite much? And then she started saying that she had problems too after I listed all the things I was jealous of her about. Why is it that even when we're fighting, she has to make the whole conversation center around herself? Every time I've talked to her, she's only talked about her boyfriend and her own exciting life. I'm not denying that she has problems, because everyone has, but she lives such a sheltered life. The closest she's ever been to upset was when it turned out she got a teacher she didn't like for one of her classes and a mildly passive aggressive exchange between her and her boyfriend (she even told me that). When I confronted her, she tried to avoid it by saying that I told her that she and her clique were not well liked, which I don't buy. Eventually, she apologized, but I don't know if she means it. It's been nagging me all day and I just want closure. What should I do? How do I forget about it/confront her?
Often, when you try to change the dynamics of a relationship, the relationship folds because it is built on one type of dynamic. I think you don't have to do anything major...just let it fade away as you find more people who lift you up in their friendship.
Eventually, she apologized, but I don't know if she means it. It's been nagging me all day and I just want closure. What should I do? How do I forget about it/confront her?
Pitt Chick is known for giving good advice, so go with this.
And in the future try using paragraphs, I give up on posts that ramble on like yours did.
You want advice, make your post readable.
I don't know how to edit my original post, and I'm not sure if i can. Also, I regret the lack of spacing but there's nothing I can do to ameliorate your annoyance about it.
Recently, I was talking to this friend about how I feel much happier because I'm surrounded by people who are more politically aware and aren't depressing or gloomy all the time. We're both aware that her friends (my ex friends) are not well liked because they are very well known throughout my school as being melodramatic and gossipy. However, when I told her very honestly that no one liked them, she blew up and accused me of making her feel bad about her life. I was outraged because of the obvious fact that that wasn't true. For the first time, something i feel good about has happened to me and I want to talk about it, but I get accused of being "self centered"? Hypocrite much? And then she started saying that she had problems too after I listed all the things I was jealous of her about. Why is it that even when we're fighting, she has to make the whole conversation center around herself? Every time I've talked to her, she's only talked about her boyfriend and her own exciting life. I'm not denying that she has problems, because everyone has, but she lives such a sheltered life. The closest she's ever been to upset was when it turned out she got a teacher she didn't like for one of her classes and a mildly passive aggressive exchange between her and her boyfriend (she even told me that). When I confronted her, she tried to avoid it by saying that I told her that she and her clique were not well liked, which I don't buy. Eventually, she apologized, but I don't know if she means it. It's been nagging me all day and I just want closure. What should I do? How do I forget about it/confront her?
Your mistake was saying the part that's bolded. If you hadn't done that, then you would have made your point without making her defensive. But you criticized her friends to her. You didn't need to do that. That was your mistake.
So there's this friend. She's not rich, but her family is well off. Her parents care about her and they're people who just want the best for her. Her parents also have some influential connections, which benefits her. She's allowed to take singing and art classes because they support whatever she likes doing. She has friends who see her worth and don't treat her like dirt. She goes on trips to exotic places a few times every year, and there are so many parental figures in her life.
In contrast, my family has struggled financially (we don't do christmas/bday presents or go out of state), they get easily frustrated at me and due to our poverty they pressure me on having a fancy science/technology job (despite the fact that science and math are my worst subjects in school). Obviously, my parents can't afford to send me to singing or dance classes or whatever. Her friends (the one mentioned in the previous paragraph) coincidentally treated me like dirt when I hung out with them. I was always the sidekick who they vented and ranted to, and nothing else. I have no parental figures in my life. Often, I don't know who to turn to for advice.
I just recently cut off my friends (aka her friends) because they were toxic and they were dragging me down as well. I'm still friends with her, though, because she didn't want to be involved. I've made one or two new acquaintances (not friends) who I like much better. Recently, I was talking to this friend about how I feel much happier because I'm surrounded by people who are more politically aware and aren't depressing or gloomy all the time. We're both aware that her friends (my ex friends) are not well liked because they are very well known throughout my school as being melodramatic and gossipy. However, when I told her very honestly that no one liked them, she blew up and accused me of making her feel bad about her life. I was outraged because of the obvious fact that that wasn't true. For the first time, something i feel good about has happened to me and I want to talk about it, but I get accused of being "self centered"? Hypocrite much? And then she started saying that she had problems too after I listed all the things I was jealous of her about. Why is it that even when we're fighting, she has to make the whole conversation center around herself? Every time I've talked to her, she's only talked about her boyfriend and her own exciting life. I'm not denying that she has problems, because everyone has, but she lives such a sheltered life. The closest she's ever been to upset was when it turned out she got a teacher she didn't like for one of her classes and a mildly passive aggressive exchange between her and her boyfriend (she even told me that). When I confronted her, she tried to avoid it by saying that I told her that she and her clique were not well liked, which I don't buy. Eventually, she apologized, but I don't know if she means it. It's been nagging me all day and I just want closure. What should I do? How do I forget about it/confront her?
First, paragraphs are your friend, this looks like one big jumbled up mess.
Next, those you accuse of being melodramatic and gossipy are not doing anything differently that what you have just done by writing everything you wrote, so who exactly is the hypocrite in this entire situation?
After that, what closure? You decided to not be friends, that is your closure and she has nothing to do with it.
It is your issue alone if you cannot accept things as you made them by being melodramatic and gossiping.
Your mistake was saying the part that's bolded. If you hadn't done that, then you would have made your point without making her defensive. But you criticized her friends to her. You didn't need to do that. That was your mistake.
To be honest, I'm worried about her. Her friends are incredibly critical and unhealthy people, and I've noticed that their depression has made her depressed as well. They're unhealthy influences, so I tried to tell her that. Yes, maybe I was being harsh, but she's sensitive to everything so I was trying to think of a way to let her know that she should distance herself from them. And from the way she blew up, I don't know why she would accuse me of making her feel bad about her life, unless she has underlying insecurities about her friends.
First, paragraphs are your friend, this looks like one big jumbled up mess.
Next, those you accuse of being melodramatic and gossipy are not doing anything differently that what you have just done by writing everything you wrote, so who exactly is the hypocrite in this entire situation?
After that, what closure? You decided to not be friends, that is your closure and she has nothing to do with it.
It is your issue alone if you cannot accept things as you made them by being melodramatic and gossiping.
Honestly, I don't know how else to ask for advice? Believe it or not, I do want closure. It's not the issue of "accepting things" but the fact that I don't know what state of a relationship we are in now. I personally think that approaching her again would only make things worse. I'm sorry that you find me as the wrong doer in this situation, but as I said, my goal is to figure out how to leave the conflict ie: do I ask her directly how we should get along? do I leave it alone and grow apart from her?
Last edited by purplepanini; 04-26-2015 at 11:49 AM..
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