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Vent, disgorge, however you want to put it, on paper. Looseleaf paper, a cheap spiral notebook, whatever. Hold nothing back. And when you are done, keep it, burn it, do what seems best to you.
Amazing results and feelings of freedom can and do happen this way.
This. This is one way to move that energy, so it doesn't just sit and fester inside. Another way is to chop wood, hack at weeds in the garden, and do other physical things while thinking of these parental issues.
There's a lot of great advice here. Many of us had parents that failed us in one crucial way or another. And having a childhood like that tends to lead to depression. Maybe you are experiencing depression along with dealing with the past.
It takes time to work through issues, but is is well worth it. You have many years ahead in which you can be happy. That quote about "the best revenge is living well" is apt here. Good luck with your journey.
I don't really have much good to say about my parents and my childhood. At 28 years old, I still can't shake the anger I have towards them for not really teaching, guiding, or developing me and my siblings.
My mom was overprotective, sometimes abusive and constantly fighting my dad over money. My dad was arrogant, flippant and extremely cheap. He never bothered to get involved in our lives other than making sure we stayed out of his hair while he tried to make money in his ventures.
There was no drive for them to get us involved in sports, hobbies.....anything really. Again, my mom was overprotective and my dad was cheap.....so all our life was growing up was just going to school and finding ways to keep ourselves entertained at home.....oh and dealing with their constant nasty fights over money. Basically living in a bubble while other kids parents at least made an effort to do something beyond sending them off to school and feeding them. The worst part is I am a first-generation American with a Middle-Eastern background. All through out school I dealt with social isolation of being different, and overall treated terribly by my classmates and teachers, which only got worse in high school right after 9/11. I was the smart but goofy looking/acting foreign looking kid that everyone snickered about behind my back.
I struggle with my identity. I resent my parents culture and the manipulative backstabbing that goes on in our community. I act much more Americanized so I don't really hang out with my "community" peers, yet because I look different, didn't play sports or do typical "American" things growing up, move away for college etc......I don't get easily accepted into American social circles with people my age. My parents, after all these years being in America, themselves do not have any friends or social circles. I've managed to do just ok dating, by going after women who are outsiders themselves yet have to deal with their neurosis and baggage....younger mainstream american women don't really care for me so I've had to put up with toxic and/or unconventional relationships just to have some semblence of a dating life.
I've essentially run out of optimism to delude myself into thinking everything is fine...... I've finally realized that life has been very isolating and draining for me.......
I dream constantly of having enough money to just quit working and spend my free time doing the things I could never do as a kid. Playing a team sport, learning an instrument, a fun hobby, having fun friends. Just a care-free life.....something I never really had from Day 1.
I don't expect any sympathy from anyone, I understand that others have had it much worse than I have.....I guess I just need to get this out of my head and maybe hear what others here have to say.
I fake being happy and content to my coworkers, friends, and family so as to not burden them with this; inside, I am sad, self-loathing, and resentful and don't know how else to express how I truly feel other than anonymously on this forum.
Thank you for hearing me out.
At 28 year old you need to take some responsibility for outcome. Move on or you continue to suffer and make same excuse. Outside influence is huge in US and different people develop differently based on personality and attitude from what I have seen. Do not dream ;do or it continues.
I dream constantly of having enough money to just quit working and spend my free time doing the things I could never do as a kid. Playing a team sport, learning an instrument, a fun hobby, having fun friends. Just a care-free life.....something I never really had from Day 1.
You may not be able to spend all your time pursuing these things but that's no reason not to pursue them at all. Those are wonderful, wholesome and worthwhile ways in which to spend your free time. Get started... now! And enjoy the process! It's not too late.
Wow. Op, you are very lucky to have gotten the kind and (mostly) good advice that you have on here. These types of threads often quickly evolve into blaming the poster for his/her thoughts and feelings.
Intrusive thoughts can be difficult for others to understand if they have never dealt with them. It's even more striking that you are so busy/active yet still are having these thoughts.
The first step is recognizing what you are feelings and why. The next step is to process and overcome. Seems like you are on your way!
You had a rough childhood. I wish that it could have been easier for you.
But by holding onto all that hurt, resentment and sadness...in the end it will only end up hurting you more.
Do whatever you have to, to let it go, whether it be therapy or immersion in helping other people through their pain....
I wish you much Happiness and Blessings - and hope that you can find a way past all of the past pain and trauma.
I don't really have much good to say about my parents and my childhood. At 28 years old, I still can't shake the anger I have towards them for not really teaching, guiding, or developing me and my siblings.
My mom was overprotective, sometimes abusive and constantly fighting my dad over money. My dad was arrogant, flippant and extremely cheap. He never bothered to get involved in our lives other than making sure we stayed out of his hair while he tried to make money in his ventures.
There was no drive for them to get us involved in sports, hobbies.....anything really. Again, my mom was overprotective and my dad was cheap.....so all our life was growing up was just going to school and finding ways to keep ourselves entertained at home.....oh and dealing with their constant nasty fights over money. Basically living in a bubble while other kids parents at least made an effort to do something beyond sending them off to school and feeding them. The worst part is I am a first-generation American with a Middle-Eastern background. All through out school I dealt with social isolation of being different, and overall treated terribly by my classmates and teachers, which only got worse in high school right after 9/11. I was the smart but goofy looking/acting foreign looking kid that everyone snickered about behind my back.
I struggle with my identity. I resent my parents culture and the manipulative backstabbing that goes on in our community. I act much more Americanized so I don't really hang out with my "community" peers, yet because I look different, didn't play sports or do typical "American" things growing up, move away for college etc......I don't get easily accepted into American social circles with people my age. My parents, after all these years being in America, themselves do not have any friends or social circles. I've managed to do just ok dating, by going after women who are outsiders themselves yet have to deal with their neurosis and baggage....younger mainstream american women don't really care for me so I've had to put up with toxic and/or unconventional relationships just to have some semblence of a dating life.
I've essentially run out of optimism to delude myself into thinking everything is fine...... I've finally realized that life has been very isolating and draining for me.......
I dream constantly of having enough money to just quit working and spend my free time doing the things I could never do as a kid. Playing a team sport, learning an instrument, a fun hobby, having fun friends. Just a care-free life.....something I never really had from Day 1.
I don't expect any sympathy from anyone, I understand that others have had it much worse than I have.....I guess I just need to get this out of my head and maybe hear what others here have to say.
I fake being happy and content to my coworkers, friends, and family so as to not burden them with this; inside, I am sad, self-loathing, and resentful and don't know how else to express how I truly feel other than anonymously on this forum.
Thank you for hearing me out.
There is this statement made by a wise person: we are victims of the victims...
I understand how you feel. I think that my parents damaged me in some way also. But at the same time I would like to point out a different perspective.
your parents are just people with problems.... the reason you feel angry at them is because you have this need to put blame somewhere for your problems. And logically speaking, where would you put blame but on your parents? Sure they contributed to your problems. Sure others did too. We hurt each other. that's the nature of things. But we don't do it on purpose. It's not easy to be parents especially if it's not your kind of thing. Or if you don't know how to be. Or if you don't have enough motivation to be. Life just forces you to be parents, most people don't choose it. And some are just not good at that. Should we blame them for that? Well, we can if we want to. But ultimately, we are all doing the best we can and we are all victims of life and are stuck where we don't want to be.
Personally I hate going places so I would hate to have to take my child places. It's not easy to push yourself to do things you really don't want to be doing. Imagine sitting through a game of sports watching your child. I would be bored to tears. Just because you are a parent it doesn't make you be able to do things you don't like doing.
We could blame different things (whatever our mind finds to blame). But ultimately, there is really no one to blame. There is just life... being unpredictable and random... and we just have to roll with it, adapt to it, survive. It's a tough life.
...a hippie (it was fashionable in the late sixties). Basically I was educated by my grandparents, who were too old to understand well the needs and wants of kids 3 generations down from them, but they did what they could (I was sometimes ashamed of the way I was dressed because they had no sense of fashion).
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