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A year ago I pointed that this co worker had put on so much weight in front of other 2 workers.I don't know why I said that as I just say whats on my mind.I wasn't trying to be hurtful. This type of comments are common in my culture. I didn't think much of it until she told me that she was very hurt by it. I apologized and she seemed fine around me afterwards but she wasn't as friendly and warm before the incident .She will respond whenever I say hi to her
Now months later,i say hi to her whenever I see her but she now ignores me and avoids me. it because of the comments I had said before?
I don't blame her. You said something that was wholly inappropriate and insulting to her, humiliating her in front of colleagues. You made her look bad personally and professionally. Why should she ever welcome an overture by you again?
Mind you, I don't know the nature of your apology to her. I'm guessing it was insufficient, along the lines of "I'm sorry that I called you fat in front of Joe and Susan, but..." In truth, anything but a completely abject apology in the presence of the two co-workers is less than satisfactory.
And I don't think cultural differences have a cotton-picking thing to do with it. I'm pretty sure that, wherever I traveled on the planet, telling a colleague that she was fat in front of her colleagues would be insulting. So quit hiding behind that.
I don't blame her. You said something that was wholly inappropriate and insulting to her, humiliating her in front of colleagues. You made her look bad personally and professionally. Why should she ever welcome an overture by you again?
Mind you, I don't know the nature of your apology to her. I'm guessing it was insufficient, along the lines of "I'm sorry that I called you fat in front of Joe and Susan, but..." In truth, anything but a completely abject apology in the presence of the two co-workers is less than satisfactory.
And I don't think cultural differences have a cotton-picking thing to do with it. I'm pretty sure that, wherever I traveled on the planet, telling a colleague that she was fat in front of her colleagues would be insulting. So quit hiding behind that.
I didn't say she was fat,i just said she had put on so much as she was petite before.she still looked great and I had told that it suit her at that time.why ignore me after some time apart though?
I didn't say she was fat,i just said she had put on so much as she was petite before.she still looked great and I had told that it suit her at that time.why ignore me after some time apart though?
She ignores you because she doesn't like you. I don't think there's anything more to it than that.
A year ago I pointed that this co worker had put on so much weight in front of other 2 workers.I don't know why I said that as I just say whats on my mind.I wasn't trying to be hurtful. This type of comments are common in my culture. I didn't think much of it until she told me that she was very hurt by it. I apologized and she seemed fine around me afterwards but she wasn't as friendly and warm before the incident .She will respond whenever I say hi to her
Now months later,i say hi to her whenever I see her but she now ignores me and avoids me. it because of the comments I had said before?
#1, I think it's pretty obvious what the mostly likely reason is that she doesn't say Hi. You said something very hurtful to her, in front of other people.
#2, It's also possible that if your tendency is to "just say what's on your mind" and blame that on whatever your culture is, that maybe you've also said other things to her or in front of her that she took offense to, and you aren't even aware of it. Some people just don't have a well-developed "filter" and they tend to just say things that pop into their head, without considering how people will take them. Try working on thinking before you speak, unless you're fine with there being a lot more people not saying Hi to you.
I didn't say she was fat,i just said she had put on so much as she was petite before.she still looked great and I had told that it suit her at that time.why ignore me after some time apart though?
In other words, you're socially clueless. You really need to develop some self-awareness.
A year ago I pointed that this co worker had put on so much weight in front of other 2 workers.I don't know why I said that as I just say whats on my mind.I wasn't trying to be hurtful. This type of comments are common in my culture. I didn't think much of it until she told me that she was very hurt by it. I apologized and she seemed fine around me afterwards but she wasn't as friendly and warm before the incident .She will respond whenever I say hi to her
Now months later,i say hi to her whenever I see her but she now ignores me and avoids me. it because of the comments I had said before?
What was your intention of saying anything about her weight if you did not intend to hurt her feelings?
You have the right to tend to your own body and say things about yourself, you do not have the right to tend to someone else's body and say anything about it.
Keep your "did not intend to hurt" opinions to yourself, especially in front of others and quit gossiping.
You could try something like this: "Jane, you know how a few months ago, I made a comment about you getting bigger? I really want to apologize for that. Please understand, in no way did I mean to insult you. In fact, in my home culture, larger women are considered the most beautiful of all. And that's what I was trying to say to you. I didn't really think about it at the time, but I've come to realize that comments like that are not appropriate in the American culture. So again, I'm really sorry, and I hope you'll forgive me."
If you really are of an obviously different, non-American culture, this might work.
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