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I'm wondering if anyone can help me with this situation. I just turned 18 recently and have been trying to make a good impression for these last 4 months but I'm hated and distrusted by several classmates at school, a cousin and several others I've wronged in the past. Before I go on, try reading without judging me harshly. I know I'm in the wrong.
Brief flashback to my past actions:
For two years, I was hanging with the wrong crowd consisting of my older brother (he's 20), two female friends and my brother's friend. Together, we would all scam others by writing mean messages and lies on their facebook under hidden sns, spreading lies and rumors, taking a couple of their belonging and among other mean stuff and schemes. One of the worst was causing a break-up because a girl believed her bf was cheating on her but it wasn't true.
But I really have no excuse at all. I wasn't really the follower in the group but meaner than my brother and the others. I even once issued a fake apology to them (a lie) and within days did it again and they all got upset for trying to trust me.
Fast foward to now:
Several chains of events happened, which I won't go in details. I'm for real this time but hardly anyone believes me. For instance, recently I did something so simply as picking up a book someone dropped. When I said ''You dropped your book'', I was still given a dirty look. Obviously my reputation is already down to the floor but that's not the point. I'm trying to make things right.
Note:
Even though I was invited into a social gathering just recently (after a former friend tried getting the others to invite me), hardly any of them talked to me that day. I overheard them talking about stuff I did to them and others.
At times, they are cordial to me though but I'm still disliked. I'm wondering how long it will take to gain back everyone's trust. Or I'm I screwed this time? I can't just apologize because I did that last time but it was fake (that sucks, now that I would really mean it, they're gonna think it's fake again). What to do now that it's for real and I'm not into the mean crowd nor with my brother on this anymore.
I'm all about giving second chances, but you seem to have blown second, third, and fourth chances! Quite frankly, I can't blame your former friends if they never view you the same way, and don't want to hang out with you anymore. And, if I were you, I would have too much shame to even attempt to smooth things over, though I'd apologize still. You may be better off in building completely new friendships, even if that means settling in a different area in the case of a small town.
Firstly, good for you for turning your life around. That's not an easy thing to do.
As for how long it takes to win back trust, that depends on the person, and you will find it's different for everyone. Some former friends will forgive you quickly, some may never forget. What you have to remember is, you have no control over their feelings for you. The only thing you can control is how you deal with them.
My advice to you is to work on making new friends. Focus on putting your past behind you. That might mean you have to let go of some of those people you wronged and just move forward. Put your energy into anyone who is a positive influence in your life TODAY. The problem with people who won't forgive is that they won't let you forget a past you're trying to overcome. That's not healthy for you. Be sorry, express your regrets and offer apologies where they are due, but once that is done, you need to move on. Only time will demonstrate that you are for real this time, and there's nothing you can do to speed up time.
I'm all about giving second chances, but you seem to have blown second, third, and fourth chances! Quite frankly, I can't blame your former friends if they never view you the same way, and don't want to hang out with you anymore. And, if I were you, I would have too much shame to even attempt to smooth things over, though I'd apologize still. You may be better off in building completely new friendships, even if that means settling in a different area in the case of a small town.
I'm all about giving second chances, but you seem to have blown second, third, and fourth chances! Quite frankly, I can't blame your former friends if they never view you the same way, and don't want to hang out with you anymore. And, if I were you, I would have too much shame to even attempt to smooth things over, though I'd apologize still. You may be better off in building completely new friendships, even if that means settling in a different area in the case of a small town.
True. I blew it. The difference is I wasn't honest at the time and just didn't care about their feelings. At the time, all I care about is my group (the mean group that is), thinking I was cool and going out of my way of being as mean as possible.
Sucks that when I really mean it (no more scams nor lies anymore) this time, is the when want little to do with me. This is when I really wish I would go back in time and undo all I did.
Firstly, good for you for turning your life around. That's not an easy thing to do.
As for how long it takes to win back trust, that depends on the person, and you will find it's different for everyone. Some former friends will forgive you quickly, some may never forget. What you have to remember is, you have no control over their feelings for you. The only thing you can control is how you deal with them.
My advice to you is to work on making new friends. Focus on putting your past behind you. That might mean you have to let go of some of those people you wronged and just move forward. Put your energy into anyone who is a positive influence in your life TODAY. The problem with people who won't forgive is that they won't let you forget a past you're trying to overcome. That's not healthy for you. Be sorry, express your regrets and offer apologies where they are due, but once that is done, you need to move on. Only time will demonstrate that you are for real this time, and there's nothing you can do to speed up time.
If your post is real, and if you're sincere, you'll need to be nice for at least as long as you were mean, and probably twice as long, before anyone takes you seriously.
Apologize again.
Don't gossip.
Don't lie.
Be kind to everyone, every day.
Don't ask for anything in return.
I have someone close to me whom I would like very much to be able to trust, but who has repeatedly shown that she is simply not trustworthy. If she had written the above or even just asked me "how long" until I would trust her again, my answer would be that I would only trust her if she goes at least as long not stealing, lying, being mean, etc. as she did doing all that bad stuff.
That is very sad, I know, but once a person loses another's trust, it is VERY hard to regain it.
So, maybe it would be better for you to not worry so much about regaining friendships, etc., but just work on being a good person for your OWN sake and those of the people who will be important to you in the future. (And who knows? Maybe your former acquaintances after seeing or learning about the "new you" will come around faster than I would!)
I'm wondering if anyone can help me with this situation. I just turned 18 recently and have been trying to make a good impression for these last 4 months but I'm hated and distrusted by several classmates at school, a cousin and several others I've wronged in the past. Before I go on, try reading without judging me harshly. I know I'm in the wrong.
Brief flashback to my past actions:
For two years, I was hanging with the wrong crowd consisting of my older brother (he's 20), two female friends and my brother's friend. Together, we would all scam others by writing mean messages and lies on their facebook under hidden sns, spreading lies and rumors, taking a couple of their belonging and among other mean stuff and schemes. One of the worst was causing a break-up because a girl believed her bf was cheating on her but it wasn't true.
But I really have no excuse at all. I wasn't really the follower in the group but meaner than my brother and the others. I even once issued a fake apology to them (a lie) and within days did it again and they all got upset for trying to trust me.
Fast foward to now:
Several chains of events happened, which I won't go in details. I'm for real this time but hardly anyone believes me. For instance, recently I did something so simply as picking up a book someone dropped. When I said ''You dropped your book'', I was still given a dirty look. Obviously my reputation is already down to the floor but that's not the point. I'm trying to make things right.
Note:
Even though I was invited into a social gathering just recently (after a former friend tried getting the others to invite me), hardly any of them talked to me that day. I overheard them talking about stuff I did to them and others.
At times, they are cordial to me though but I'm still disliked. I'm wondering how long it will take to gain back everyone's trust. Or I'm I screwed this time? I can't just apologize because I did that last time but it was fake (that sucks, now that I would really mean it, they're gonna think it's fake again). What to do now that it's for real and I'm not into the mean crowd nor with my brother on this anymore.
It will take as long as it takes each and every person to forgive you for what you did, and some won't ever forgive. All you can do is go forward doing right and "prove yourself" to be the good person you say you are trying to be.
If your post is real, and if you're sincere, you'll need to be nice for at least as long as you were mean, and probably twice as long, before anyone takes you seriously.
Apologize again.
Don't gossip.
Don't lie.
Be kind to everyone, every day.
Don't ask for anything in return.
Post is not real. In any case, if it was, the answer to the original question would be "never". So if I were the o.p. I would move.
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