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I was at lunch and saw a friend's wife at lunch with a man who was not her husband. They seemed rather intimate. Snuggly & kissing, having some drinks with their food. They didn't see me. Should I tell him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man
Too bad you didn't surreptitiously snap their picture. This would have raised it from the realm of gossip to actual proof of what you saw.
If you are good friends with the man whose wife you saw, I think you should tell him. Furthermore, I would suggest not doing it anonymously, but face to face. (Your report will be far more believable if it comes from someone he personally knows than if it comes from some unknown e-mailer who, for all he knows, could be a prankster or a troll.) Tell him exactly when and where this took place, and exactly what you saw -- not your opinions, or speculation, but only what you saw with your own eyes. Also, convey a sense of concern. Say something like "I'm not trying to stir up trouble, but I just thought you should know." And then back off and let him deal with it from there.
I would say something to the wife, or to the offending couple, at least the first time. If the married couple is already separating she'll tell you. But you should always give the offender a chance to self-repair.
But before confronting her snap a picture or take a short video on the phone and then tell her you have it.
In other words, follow "bus man's" advice, which I read after making the post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by metalmancpa
MYOB - has nothing to do with you, so why interfere?
Don't be a tattletale.
You know what I'd do? I'd confront her in a totally ticked off way. She'd be living on eggshells wondering if you'd say something. She might straighten up her act. OR she may tell you they both date others....
I had someone tell me once my Husband with having supper with another woman and he hugged and kissed her.
I told them to tend to their own marriage and I will tend to mine.
She happened to be a friend of both of us and the "friend" that told me my husband was with another woman apparantly did not see me there at the same time because I was in the bathroom. Her husband had also gone to the bathroom the same time I did as we were all getting ready to leave the restaurant.
Things are not always as they appear and assumptions do nothing but cause unnecessary dramatics.
So while you were at the restroom your husband was kissing your mutual friend who's husband also had gone to the bathroom. lol Hey, I'm not judging.
Thats OK because that sl u t wont change stripes and he will know to be on the look out ..Downside is sluts still get custody 90+ % of the time.. How FU is that??
Quote:
Originally Posted by 70's Music Girl
I still think it would be a good idea to take your friend out to pizza and just casually bring up that you saw a coworker's wife out with another guy and see how your friend responds. You'll kinda get an idea if he would want someone to tell him.
I really don't agree with the posts that say to approach this guys wife and talk with her about it. She may say, "I wasn't there" or "it was a group of coworker's at lunch and we were just finishing coffee and getting ready to leave". I think she will downplay this and may tell her husband that your friend is trying to cause trouble. It can turn in to a he said, she said and fighting starts and OP would be blamed.
Your response pretty much guarantees that if (God forbid) your husband should ever stray, you will be the last one to know. I would think a better approach might have been "Thanks for saying something, but actually, the woman you saw is a dear friend of ours, and we were so happy that we were able to get together for dinner with her. But I appreciate your concern."
I know "a better approach" is to not assume anything about what someone else may or may not know and when they find out.
I know "a better approaach" is to know that it is never a good idea to make assumptions in regards to someone else's life or marriage. Especially since you do not have any idea who either party in the relationship is.
I believe I will continue to use the approach I know is appropriate and tend to my life the way I see fit and you should perhaps look into using
"a better approach" and keep your assumptions limited to your life.
So while you were at the restroom your husband was kissing your mutual friend who's husband also had gone to the bathroom. lol Hey, I'm not judging.
Cripes, mature adults can actually hug and kiss each other without it being sexual so please refrain from
including a perfectly innocent show of affection between friends in your disgusting, sexual fantasy land.
^Wow...chill out
Your reaction is more telling than anything..
Anyways,
OP, you should tell your friend, if it is a good friend. But do it in a smart way like some people already pointed out. Don't just blur it out. Kind of ease into it. It might be a good explanation.
Many years ago I worked at an amusement park, my best friend from high school also worked there, he also worked as a night auditor at a local motel in exchange for a room to stay in. I was his ride to work at the amusement park so I picked him up at the motel every morning. One day when I went to pick him up the woman that lived across the street from me and some random guy were checking out, after they left I told my friend about her on the way to work and he told me they were regulars at the motel. I told her husband that she was cheating on him but he already knew and was in the process of divorcing her.
Agreed. Some of these answers are insane. I'd certainly expect and hope that a friend would tell me if my SO was cheating, if only (as I mentioned earlier in the thread) to help protect me from any potential STD's that my SO may bring back to our bed. Some of these answers make me wonder what friends are for.
I think it's more complicated. Have you actually been in this situation?
I have.
And when one person in a marriage is cheating, it's often not just once. When this behavior has been going on for awhile, the other person usually does know, even if they won't admit it to themselves.
I'm not talking about some sloppy one night stand, but a pattern of behavior based on a deep-seated dissatisfaction with one's marriage, or simply oneself.
I (and my circle of friends) saw this behavior in the wife of a mutual friend. It went on for years. We all knew it and we knew that he knew it, but he wanted the marriage to continue. And we knew that he did not want to hear about it from us.
Eventually he was faced with concrete evidence from her and ended the marriage- when he was ready to.
That's not necessarily true for all situations, but it was for this one.
Cripes, mature adults can actually hug and kiss each other without it being sexual so please refrain from
including a perfectly innocent show of affection between friends in your disgusting, sexual fantasy land.
I swear........
Also, mature adults can hug and kiss in a sexual way, or a way that others might interpret as sexual, without having sex. There is nothing disgusting about it, either.
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