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You had better be sure of what you saw before you tell him. If they were simply eating and drinking at lunch, they could just be co-workers. You said they were kissing, was it a quick peck like "hello" or "goodbye" peck? Could it be that the man is a sibling or relative and they were just visiting? If you are sure that it was romantic and not just a casual peck, if you are a good friend you should definitely say something.
Personally, if I was CERTAIN about the inappropriateness of the situation, I might have approached the table and said "Hi Sally, I don't believe I've met your friend. I'm Bamablue, Sally's husband's friend from (insert where you know husband from)" and stick out your hand. It would be fun to watch the color drain from her face. Then of course I might let her sweat it for a day or two before I go see her hubby. But that's just me... On the other hand, she might just say in reply "Hi Bama, good to see you again. Have you met my brother from Chicago".
The nosy neighbor brigade called my SO while he was traveling to tell him that a man spent the night, we were drinking, hugging, having a good time. The three of us had a chuckle on them. An old friend offered to spend the evening and we did mit want him to drive after a few glasses of wine.
I was getting phone calls at home from the wife of my (now X) DH's coworker who witnessed things going on at work with a female subordinate. Naturally, DH tried to turn it on the informant and lots of denial. I also noticed money and unusual expenses on the credit card ... again, denial.
Not being totally stupid I worked to put myself in the best position I could before getting him out of my life. Begain more aggressively taking classes which would increase my salary as well as learned more about investing. He is now long gone and has done well with the college education I paid for, but, that still doesn't make him anyone I would want in my life.
I am glad the informant told me as it gave me time to make a plan!
Years ago, I told one of my sisters when her boyfriend was cheating on her and it caused problems between us. He denied it, she probably believed me, but she had that "kill the messenger" mentality.
If I were the OP, I would definitely not say anything because he does not know that she was actually cheating on her spouse. Why cause his friend unnecessary anguish without having all of the facts?
Years ago, I told one of my sisters when her boyfriend was cheating on her and it caused problems between us. He denied it, she probably believed me, but she had that "kill the messenger" mentality.
If I were the OP, I would definitely not say anything because he does not know that she was actually cheating on her spouse. Why cause his friend unnecessary anguish without having all of the facts?
so the guy was probably just licking food off the other woman's face and out of her mouth?
If I had proof to backup what I was telling my friend, I would tell. What they choose to do with the information is up to them. If they got mad at me (aka shoot the messenger), oh well. I would rather them be mad at me for that than being mad at me later for knowing and not saying anything. With some folks you can't win anyway.
Some, not all, people who are cheated on will blame anyone but the cheater themselves, especially at first. Even the messenger may feel the wrath.
If they turn out to be a friend who consistently "shoots the messenger," whether with me and/or others, I probably wouldn't miss them much if the friendship ended.
I would, too but could the pair possibly practise an OPEN- type marriage ?
If that's the case, and if it's (obviously) ok with the husband, think of how much gratitude he will then have with the OP for telling him... I'm seriously doubting the 'open marriage' thing... but, one never knows.
I had someone tell me once my Husband with having supper with another woman and he hugged and kissed her.
I told them to tend to their own marriage and I will tend to mine.
She happened to be a friend of both of us and the "friend" that told me my husband was with another woman apparantly did not see me there at the same time because I was in the bathroom. Her husband had also gone to the bathroom the same time I did as we were all getting ready to leave the restaurant.
Things are not always as they appear and assumptions do nothing but cause unnecessary dramatics.
I think thats why just explaining what you saw and not adding your assumptions is really important. For all we know they are swingers, its her brother, etc, etc.
Hey John, I really wanted to talk to you about something because its really bugging me and I feel the right thing to do is just let you know. Night before last I was at xxxxxxx and I saw Sue with a man having dinner. I saw them hug and kiss on the lips a couple times.
Just the facts, and not being a busy body but a friend.
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