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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 19 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
Reputation: 5382
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What gives? She always has an excuse not wanting me to come over & visit. That she's either cleaning, shopping or exercising. Even on the phone, we will talk/text briefly sometimes, usually me doing the calling or texting.
Our relationship has always been rocky. She's younger than me by 19months. By the time we were in highschool, it felt like we were strangers even living in the same house. For whatever reason, it felt like she didn't want anything to do with me. It continued on after she moved out of the house and got married.
The way she treats me is a little better than 10yrs. ago. Having a cellphone over a landline is easier in getting ahold of her. Even after our little sister passed on, her attitude towards me hasn't changed much.
I had been reading on narcissism and triangulation. It seem to fit what I had experienced with my family. I always felt like the outsider even among my relatives. My mom was the center and if I wanted to know anything that was going on with my siblings, it was through her. More so in my younger days before owning a cellphone . My 2 younger sisters and "baby" brother seemed to bond with each other and got along while I felt excluded from the family loop.
What gives? She always has an excuse not wanting me to come over & visit. That she's either cleaning, shopping or exercising. Even on the phone, we will talk/text briefly sometimes, usually me doing the calling or texting.
Our relationship has always been rocky.
What gives? Seems pretty clear from what you've described. Your sister doesn't want you to come over and visit, so she finds excuses for being too busy. As you said, your relationship has always been rocky. Unless something has happened to make it less rocky of late, I wouldn't think you'd be surprised that she continues to not want to have much to do with you.
You say you have never got along... to the point that you weren't even in her wedding.
Nothing will change.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34
Our relationship has always been rocky. She's younger than me by 19months. By the time we were in highschool, it felt like we were strangers even living in the same house. For whatever reason, it felt like she didn't want anything to do with me. It continued on after she moved out of the house and got married.
You need to accept that you are not close, probably will never be close, and move on.
You say you have never got along... to the point that you weren't even in her wedding.
Nothing will change.
You need to accept that you are not close, probably will never be close, and move on.
I don't have any siblings - always been and will be, an only child.
I've had friends (none really at the moment) that I loved, treated like and acted like, brothers or sisters to me. I don't know what it's really like to have a real brother or sister, but I know that if I were you, I'd ask her why you two aren't close - that you miss her - as you obviously do - that you love her, as you obviously do, and that you want to have a close - or closer - relationship with her. When your parents are gone, you'll only have each other - as you've already lost one sibling.
You two aren't close now, and talking to her, or finding out why that closeness isn't there, may just let her open up - tell you - at which point you two can work towards a closer, healthier relationship.
You obviously cherish that type of relationship that's non-existent - and I pray for you both to achieve a more close bond.
What gives? She always has an excuse not wanting me to come over & visit. That she's either cleaning, shopping or exercising. Even on the phone, we will talk/text briefly sometimes, usually me doing the calling or texting.
Our relationship has always been rocky. She's younger than me by 19months. By the time we were in highschool, it felt like we were strangers even living in the same house. For whatever reason, it felt like she didn't want anything to do with me. It continued on after she moved out of the house and got married.
The way she treats me is a little better than 10yrs. ago. Having a cellphone over a landline is easier in getting ahold of her. Even after our little sister passed on, her attitude towards me hasn't changed much.
I had been reading on narcissism and triangulation. It seem to fit what I had experienced with my family. I always felt like the outsider even among my relatives. My mom was the center and if I wanted to know anything that was going on with my siblings, it was through her. More so in my younger days before owning a cellphone . My 2 younger sisters and "baby" brother seemed to bond with each other and got along while I felt excluded from the family loop.
Stop tying to self-diagnose yourself and your family dynamics. It's not productive to you in any way! Google is a handy 'tool' but not a Psychotherapist I would use or want helping me make life decisions.
You only have control over YOU. Do things and hang with family and or friends who are going to support YOU, not ones who continue to show you they are not interested (YOUR SISTER). It is what it is, for whatever the reason. It may have NOTHING to do with you and be her issue, but it is time to MOVE ON!
How 'bout spending some money on REAL therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy gets to the point quickly and allows you to work through your life issues rather quickly and usually within 6 months or less. Don't waste your life trying to fix others and fix yourself. You will be lots happier.
Spending time making diagnoses via the internet, what will it accomplish? So you can make your opinions about your family fit the criteria of x, y or z. Big deal. I've found most people who focus on others in this unhealthy manner are usually trying to avoid dealing with their own issues.
At any rate, what could you be doing that's fun or interesting for yourself instead of spending all this time researching mental and behavioral health information you can't and won't do anything with anyway?
If your relatives are so unhealthy, per your research, you should be glad they aren't interested in you. I've known a diagnosed by a professional, honest to God narcissist and that is NOT a person you want to be around, family or not.
Shared DNA does not automatically impart affection or a bond, sorry to say.
Create your own family with the people in your life who love you for you, and vice versa. It's infinitely more fulfilling than putting up with people who either want nothing to do with you or even proactively treat you poorly. Get the last laugh in your will.
What gives? Did you not say that your sister asked you once long ago as to What she could do have a relationship with you... and you chose to be churlish about not being a part of her bridal party?
OP, you know the Deaf saying, "The train has left the station."
Your family set up is common enough for Deafies, unfortunately.
I've read a number of your threads, some about your sister, some about the friend that you betrayed but that you can't let go of even though she has told you that she does't want your friendship. A common theme has emerged and that is you can't seem to accept it when someone decides that they don't want your companionship or friendship mostly as a result of your own actions.
You don't seem to understand that there are breaking points that people have and that once you trespass upon a person's good will past that point of no return, there is no going back to being good buddies. There is no rescuing the relationship. The best that can be expected is civility when social occasions bring you together and yet you call and pester these two women when clearly they have told you that they don't want your friendship or your company.
You need professional help and I sympathize but nothing anyone can say on these boards will help you sort these issues out and like others have said, no level of internet self help will substitute for good old fashioned one on one therapy with a skilled professional.
I wish you luck. I might seem harsh here but I appreciate that you are flailing and you fail to see what seems painfully obvious to those of us familiar with your posts on CD to the point that this post will either be misunderstood or ignored.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 19 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
Reputation: 5382
thanks y'all. I will try to stop with the googling of what's wrong with my life and others as well.
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