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Old 05-18-2015, 01:30 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, CA
99,252 posts, read 4,477,566 times
Reputation: 9464

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seafood Junky View Post
I do not care for a host/hostess/waitress, etc. referring to my wife and I as "you guys".

I use the term "folks" before "guys".. Unless of course, it is all guys...

I am 52.

Mike G
Well, you can be sure someone will come along here shortly and resent being referred to as "folks"
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Old 05-18-2015, 01:46 PM
 
35 posts, read 67,027 times
Reputation: 70
It's pretty clear you can't please every one which makes the case for not using labels at all.

When a waitor or waitress approaches the table it's safest just to say, Good morning or good evening, how can I help you today. Doesn't matter how many people are at the table, it solves the problem altogether. I have always made a joke of it with waitresses rather than getting upset with it. No point in making them feel uncomfortable for something that might just come naturally to them. Though I have on occasion pointed out that avoiding the last part of the greeting does eliminate the possibility of offending anyone at all. You can usually tell if a person that will take the suggestion well or not, before you even suggest it.

At the end of the day it's probably all just small stuff, but then just as a small kindness can make someone's entire day, and small intended or unintended insult can irritate the crap out of you if you are in a bad mood. LOL
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Old 05-18-2015, 02:16 PM
 
13,979 posts, read 25,889,429 times
Reputation: 39902
I would far rather hear myself addressed as ma'am than with a phony endearment. I went to run some errands in NC for my mother today, and the cashier at Home Depot referred to the elderly woman in front of me as "sweetie", and then called me "darling". I didn't take offense, but I also didn't think it was a proper address for a stranger.
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Old 05-18-2015, 02:18 PM
 
Location: The analog world
17,077 posts, read 13,316,143 times
Reputation: 22904
There is nothing that annoys me more than being called Miss Firstname. I understand that it is a sign of respect in certain parts of the country, and some extended family members use it all the time, but it makes me gag.
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Old 05-18-2015, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 25,041,229 times
Reputation: 50796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthetik View Post
As a child, it was pretty much drilled into me that I should respect my elders. It seems as if everytime I try to be polite and formal to strangers by addressing them as Sir, Ma'am, Mister "Jason", or Miss, they prefer not to be addressed that way, but instead their first name. It becomes a habit that's hard to break for me.
If something like this was supposed to sound, polite, formal and professional, why do people prefer not to be addressed that way?
Times change. Most of us go by first names in all the different facets of our lives. I do confess that I as an obviously senior, aged 68, I really resent being addressed as 'miss.' In London, I was addressed as 'Madam.' I liked that better. I would be insulted if an adult addressed me as "Miss FirstName." It sounds OK coming from a young child, but not from an adult.

But overall, it is best to find out from the person you are dealing with what they prefer to be called. Usually it will be the first name.
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Old 05-18-2015, 03:41 PM
 
9,891 posts, read 11,721,623 times
Reputation: 22086
There are two things that have to be taken into consideration.

1....What is acceptable in the region of the country you are in. What is expected in one area of the country, is not expected in others.

2....You social status. The higher in the social order you are in at the time, you may be expected to say Ma'am or Madam and Sir. Especially if you are working for them, or serving them, or doing business with them. They demand it as a sign of respect and your accepting the fact they are richer or whatever than you are.

Don't do it, and they don't do business with you.
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Old 05-18-2015, 03:48 PM
 
Location: East TN
11,046 posts, read 9,684,120 times
Reputation: 40288
I am from the west coast and now live in the south. As far as I'm concerned any grown man whose name I don't know is "sir", and any woman of "marrying age" is "ma'am" until I am introduced and find out what to call him or her. If I am trying to tell someone something what am I supposed to call him? "Hey you"? Ma'am is just the normal form of address for a married woman whose name you do not know, and sir for a man whose name you don't know. It has nothing to do with being a lord or lady unless you happen to be in the U.K.

"Excuse me sir, could I please get by?"

"Ma'am! You left your purse over here!"

There is nothing in ANY WAY insulting about using the correct form of address, except in someone's head. I find it a little silly for someone to call me, a 50+ year old woman, "Miss", but I wouldn't bother to correct them. They have no idea if I'm married or not, nor do they care. I have no objection to being called by my first name by anyone, but in a business setting where I am the customer I prefer Ms. (or Miss, or Mrs.) Shadow. I don't expect people to guess my marital status.
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Old 05-18-2015, 05:58 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 6,683,830 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I would far rather hear myself addressed as ma'am than with a phony endearment. I went to run some errands in NC for my mother today, and the cashier at Home Depot referred to the elderly woman in front of me as "sweetie", and then called me "darling". I didn't take offense, but I also didn't think it was a proper address for a stranger.
Ma'am is a phoney endearment as well.
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Old 05-18-2015, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
24,204 posts, read 19,122,698 times
Reputation: 38266
Ma'am is not an endearment, phony or otherwise. It may be an affectation but that doesn't make it affectionate! lol!
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Old 05-18-2015, 07:34 PM
 
13,979 posts, read 25,889,429 times
Reputation: 39902
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
Ma'am is a phoney endearment as well.
No, it isn't.
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