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Old 05-21-2015, 12:54 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,707 posts, read 19,880,600 times
Reputation: 43041

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They can only USE you if you LET THEM use you!

Of course I had those people in my life. Got rid of all of them. Now I see the signs and don't even get involved.

At your age you should recognize users from a mile away.

 
Old 05-21-2015, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Huntsville, AL
2,852 posts, read 1,604,350 times
Reputation: 5445
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laid Off View Post
Is this common? Did it happen to you?
I don't have a lot of these types of betrayal, but having one is too many... IMHO.

I'll be short in my reply...
My best friend and I were driving to a local bar we used to attend a lot, when we came upon a car accident on a major road. It just so happened to be my friends younger brother, and as we got out of the car to check on his brother, the police insisted we return to our car as his brother had been killed. His severed head was several feet away from his destroyed car. Needless to say my best friend lost it - and I 'caught' him... Took him back home where we had to tell his parents and other siblings of the accident... it was ugly.

At the time my BF was enlisted in the Navy, and was home on leave. He got discharged immediately due to the trauma he suffered. For a couple of years, he didn't work, lived at home with his mom and dad - wasn't really alive.

We were still very close friends, and I got him to get enrolled in school to earn a degree. We were closer than ever, and he thanked me several times, for getting him out of the ditch life had thrown him in. At his graduation, I sat with his family (I was very close with his mom) and as his dad stood up to cheer his son, he fell to the floor with a massive heart attack and died... Here I go again, 'catching' my best friend...

A very close friend of mine had a sister, who was like a sister to me. She and my BF started dating. She got into an accident and was in the hospital for several weeks recovering. I went to see her every day at lunch, and would often stop by after work on my way home to make sure she was ok... My BF couldn't go to the hospital - too many memories of his brothers accident kept him away. A year or so later, she's out of the hospital, and they are now engaged to be married. She asks me to go with her (and her mom and her bf) to try on her wedding dress. (I told you she was like my sister!) - and while trying it on, she said she wasn't ready to get married. I told her to tell him that, and if he really loved her, he'd wait until the end of time for her to be ready.

That conversation didn't last long. He quickly cursed her, damned her, and wanted nothing to do with her... Here I go again, catching my BF...

All this is going on, I'm dating a girl for a few months. My BF hung out with us a lot - just the 3 of us - you see where this is going, right?

One night she comes over to visit me as I had called into work that day as I was sick, and she had the smell of my BF's cologne on her... I immediately knew what happened - questioned her - which she denied - and she went home.

The next day, he called me at work. (this was back in the 80's - cell phones weren't at all popular yet)
He he-hawed around and I could tell something was up... I questioned what he did the night before, and he was stumbling around with an answer. At that moment I knew that he had slept with my GF...

When I got off work I put all of my GF's things outside my apartment. She had the GAUL to have him go with her to get it - and while I TRIED to stay inside - I couldn't... I ran out of my apartment and she ran to his truck - and they took off leaving her items by my front door. I jumped into my car, and drove to his house - getting there just seconds after he did. They both jumped out of the truck - he ran inside (he's still living with mommy) and I ran inside after him. I dragged him out of the house and kicked the bajeebers out of him. As I hit him for the last time - with tears in my eyes for what he did - his brother, an ex-con - came over to me and stood between me and my car. Not wanting anything to do with his older brother, I asked if he was going to kick my @ss - as he easily could have... his reply? You're not done kicking my brothers @ss... and until I say so, you're not going to stop... You see, his brother thought my BF was wrong for his actions, and he understood my pain and wanted me to give more of it (pain) to my BF... I went home and haven't spoken to him since.

A year goes by and I move up north. I came home one summer just to visit old friends, and I'm driving by a park, where someone's getting married... guess who THAT was? Yeah, my ex-gf and ex-BF.
I learn in later years that they remained married for a few years - had a couple of kids - and when they divorced, she took him for everything he had... lol... sorry, glad she got what she did... Not that I don't despise her as well, but, I could always get another POA, but not another 'friend' that I thought we were.

I've since not had a closer friend... I'm not sure if it's because I don't want to have another BF hurt me as much as he did - or if the cards just haven't lined up - whatever the reason, here's to you, ex-BF.

So much for my short reply.... sorry.
 
Old 05-21-2015, 01:27 PM
 
16,715 posts, read 19,355,889 times
Reputation: 41482
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laid Off View Post
In my nearly 60 years on Earth I have come in contact with lots of users. People who were very friendly with me because I could do them a favor, such as: getting them a job, connecting them to the right people, a professional reference, housing, etc.

Once I had served my purpose, I was quickly disposed of and any attempts at conversation was met by COLD ICE. I had served my purpose and he/she did not need me anymore.

These were attractive, charming and charismatic people who I thought could be great friends. But they had other plans for our relationship after I served their needs.

Is this common? Did it happen to you?
It happened to me once.

Then I learned how to say "No", and in the case of the former friend who used me, "[bleep]" when we ran into each other again.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-21-2015 at 02:00 PM.. Reason: Inappropriate language.
 
Old 05-21-2015, 02:39 PM
 
Location: on a big rock hurling through space
347 posts, read 424,209 times
Reputation: 485
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
They can only USE you if you LET THEM use you!

Of course I had those people in my life. Got rid of all of them. Now I see the signs and don't even get involved.

At your age you should recognize users from a mile away.

Exactly this ^^^^^^

I've been used and have learned to be grateful for each one of them. You know why? They taught me boundaries and characteristics to avoid.

For example:

I used to be very connected in the entertainment industry and was used for hook-ups. One "friend" flew twice from across the globe to use my connections and apartment. When I took her up on her offer to visit her at her home she could not be reached!!

Lived in a tourist city where everyone came to visit - was constantly hit up for a place to stay.

One of my former friends, whom I helped move and allowed to borrow my clothes, jewelry and I did her make-up everytime we'd go out. Things got nasty when I told her I didn't want to do her make-up anymore and other using/jealousy behaviors.

I now spot when I'm being used as a "filler" person for someone's birthday, wedding or stupid jewelry/pyramid scheme parties.

So, yes...be grateful for these user misfits...they're all trying to teach you something about them and YOU!
 
Old 05-21-2015, 02:55 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 54,045,943 times
Reputation: 46669
Well, yeah. We had a neighbor like that. She was bubbly, smart, funny, and gorgeous. So she always thought she had carte blanche to treat people in precisely those ways. Even today, we hear from her about once a year, and it's always because she needs something.
 
Old 05-21-2015, 03:23 PM
 
195 posts, read 230,707 times
Reputation: 387
I think it is hard to always figure out who is just using you and who want to be real friends. Maybe if they ask for money or a favor (like helping them find a job), then I should not try to be friends. And if they are pretty, or handsome, or rich, or charismatic then I have to wonder why they are being nice to me.
 
Old 05-21-2015, 03:24 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 54,045,943 times
Reputation: 46669
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laid Off View Post
I think it is hard to always figure out who is just using you and who want to be real friends. Maybe if they ask for money or a favor (like helping them find a job), then I should not try to be friends. And if they are pretty, or handsome, or rich, or charismatic then I have to wonder why they are being nice to me.
Here's an acid test: If the only time they call you is when they need something, you have a user as a friend.
 
Old 05-21-2015, 03:31 PM
 
19,965 posts, read 30,111,427 times
Reputation: 40023
there are givers in this world, and there are takers..

the takers suck the life out of the givers,,, the givers ust learn to recognize the takers before they are parasites
 
Old 05-21-2015, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Backwoods of Maine
7,487 posts, read 10,459,924 times
Reputation: 21460
If you haven't had a few of them in life, you have no heart.

If you haven't wised up to them by middle age, you have no brains.

(Sorry...that's how I see it).
 
Old 05-21-2015, 06:37 PM
 
74 posts, read 102,848 times
Reputation: 73
Yes I had a friend who would use me to no end. He would always take my hard earned runescape gold. I just sat there at let him, because I am a cowardly beta. I cannot stand up for myself. He walked all over me man. People know I can't say "no" and take advantage of it. All my life used and abused... Life as a beta loser. Godamn dude.
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