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Old 05-24-2015, 02:34 PM
 
5,290 posts, read 5,216,211 times
Reputation: 18655

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Amazing that you ended up so wonderful with such a dysfunctional family.
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Old 05-24-2015, 05:04 PM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,145,170 times
Reputation: 27047
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBeingAMommy View Post
That's a lot of rage.

I never said continue to involve yourself, I said cutting out completely isn't mature. No reason why you cannot still say "hello" for a holiday. OP is spewing a lot of hurt, yet still desired birthday calls, so OP obviously craves family.

Cut out EVERY family member? You can't get more black and white thinking than that.

Who thinks in black and white terms? Adolescents. The epitome of immaturity.

Not everyone grew up in Mayberry??? No. You don't say. I think you neglected the part where I mentioned that we all have a crazy family member, an addict member of the family, that weird uncle, etc, etc...
Seriously....You think it immature to turn your back on family that treated you like was described by CSD610? I think that a person survives a childhood like that, and is lucky to survive intact physically....but the emotional damage is what makes it very mature to separate....and not look back if that is what you choose.

Better that than pretend and keep dealing with the same issues....as well as subjecting your own family to those same folks.

I think CSD was correct....if you haven't been there....you are operating on text book knowledge only in your judgement.
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Old 05-24-2015, 05:13 PM
 
1,580 posts, read 1,982,681 times
Reputation: 1290
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
Seriously....You think it immature to turn your back on family that treated you like was described by CSD610? I think that a person survives a childhood like that, and is lucky to survive intact physically....but the emotional damage is what makes it very mature to separate....and not look back if that is what you choose.

Better that than pretend and keep dealing with the same issues....as well as subjecting your own family to those same folks.

I think CSD was correct....if you haven't been there....you are operating on text book knowledge only in your judgement.
Again (do people read anymore?)... I said everyone has a family issue. So how did you gather from that that I have no knowledge and am operating per textbook knowledge?

Again...I said that OP is obviously craving her family, or she wouldn't have been so upset that she wasn't contacted for her birthday. Advising her to break off with them entirely, for life, is just not hearing what she's putting out there.

She's listing all her family's faults, sure. We ALL have family issues. But she's also clearly in need of them, as she said she likes their tradition of holidays/birthdays.

So, the answer is simple. Keep them at a distance, love them because you're blood, keep boundaries, see them on holidays, and find comfort in friends.

I'm a pragmatist. Being reactive and cutting out your entire family is going to make for one very lonely life.
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Old 05-24-2015, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth
2,776 posts, read 3,046,778 times
Reputation: 5022
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBeingAMommy View Post
That's a lot of rage.

I never said continue to involve yourself, I said cutting out completely isn't mature. No reason why you cannot still say "hello" for a holiday. OP is spewing a lot of hurt, yet still desired birthday calls, so OP obviously craves family.

Cut out EVERY family member? You can't get more black and white thinking than that.

Who thinks in black and white terms? Adolescents. The epitome of immaturity.

Not everyone grew up in Mayberry??? No. You don't say. I think you neglected the part where I mentioned that we all have a crazy family member, an addict member of the family, that weird uncle, etc, etc...
It's wise to cut abusers completely out of your life.
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Old 05-24-2015, 05:45 PM
 
1,580 posts, read 1,982,681 times
Reputation: 1290
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlowerPower00 View Post
It's wise to cut abusers completely out of your life.

It's wise to set boundaries. But it's very difficult to cut out EVERY member of your family. Again, the OP has a love/hate thing with her family. And lots of families are dysfunctional. Some more so than others. But OP doesn't sound like she is ready for or truly desiring cutting them out completely. If she sets healthy boundaries, surrounds herself with friends in her daily life, OP can have a health relationship with them on her terms, which would protect her emotionally.
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Old 05-24-2015, 06:28 PM
 
13,754 posts, read 13,255,040 times
Reputation: 26020
Shake it off. You're spending too much energy thinking about something that may never change. It all seems so negative. But don't hinge your relationship with your sister on the birthday text/call thing.
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Old 05-24-2015, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Leeds, UK
22,118 posts, read 29,517,076 times
Reputation: 8819
There are family members that I dislike - a lot. They know I dislike them - and they dislike me. I don't put myself in their company voluntarily, but I at least try to remain civil when I'm round them - entirely for my grandmother's sake. She gets upset when we fight.
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Old 05-24-2015, 08:45 PM
 
2,048 posts, read 2,144,993 times
Reputation: 7247
OP, I wouldn't say those things are necessarily "disown" offenses, but definitely "keep at a far distance" offenses. Those are people I might see once or twice a year. Live your life and be happy. Cutting people off completely is complicated and sometimes difficult to keep up. Sometimes it's unavoidable, but if you can just manage to really, really distance yourself while still keeping a slim bridge open, sometimes that's better.

Right now you're hurt about the birthday snub. That's understandable. But give it a few days and think about it some more when the sting has subsided a little.
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Old 05-24-2015, 08:52 PM
 
1,180 posts, read 2,916,301 times
Reputation: 3558
Sister: Lies, manipulates, angry, negative, lack of empathy for me, does not reach out to me at all(I am always the one that does), thinks I throw pity parties, lack of respect, would not help me when I had surgery, told her to invite people for my graduation(i was studying for comps), said she would, then she didn't do it, so my uncles never showed up to my graduation, and nobody knew that I got my master's degree.

This is the sister you are upset about not calling you?
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Old 05-24-2015, 09:17 PM
 
509 posts, read 552,119 times
Reputation: 1729
Bizarre post.
This is how you describe your sister:
Quote:
Lies, manipulates, angry, negative, lack of empathy for me, does not reach out to me at all(I am always the one that does), thinks I throw pity parties, lack of respect, would not help me when I had surgery, told her to invite people for my graduation(i was studying for comps), said she would, then she didn't do it, so my uncles never showed up to my graduation, and nobody knew that I got my master's degree.
And you have the nerve to get upset that she didn't call to wish you happy birthday!?

Aside from that, it's your own responsibility to tell people you graduated. Don't throw a pity party and blame your sister.
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