Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think a lot of people paper over bad deeds of the dead.
Some people do it to maintain their sanity, I think.
I may have mentioned this before, but at my stepfather's funeral (not suicide, unless you consider a lifetime of chain-smoking suicide) the minister said that my step had walked out on his previous family. I found that honesty to be rather refreshing. Also, the previous family was right there in the audience, so painting him as a model husband and father probably wouldn't have flown.
I've heard from several other people who've attended services that were less about putting on a saintly varnish than highlighting some very human frailties. That's what I would want for my own eulogy.
Imagine the pain that someone would have to be in to feel that death is better than life. If you've never truly been in pain, physical or mental, then you can't imagine the depths that it can send you to. If you are close to a person in such pain, it hurts you to your core to know they have gone this route. I have close family members whose pain sent them to their deaths, not actual suicide, but death through their own actions because of pain. They died far too young, without getting to experience so many joys of life. So many experiences have been denied to them and to the rest of their families. If you can't understand this, than you are missing that empathy chip in your brain.
To JonathonLB: Smirking self-righteousness is not a good trait. I myself am child-free by choice, but would not judge others for wanting to fulfill their heart's desire of sharing their life with a child. For some this is the one and only unconditional love they will ever know. I recognize that I have things in my life they will never have, but they have experiences in their lives that I can barely imagine.
Their true self was/is pure and good...that's what is their essence before 'this'
happened to them...this place, I mean.
I always remember the good...and I want to...I will always do that ...and I don't
want to hear anything bad someone has to say either...they are
just commenting on their limited ego-personality...which is not 'them'....as it is
not me or you.
I am and you are the innocent child that came into this world.
Each person's heart is pure...compassionate feelings for their troubles and obstacles they
might not have handled well...is best.
Folks might say better things about folks who are gone because the folks who are gone can't come back and screw things up anymore. It's pretty hard to paint someone as a saint when they're passed out drunk but if they're safely dead, it's much easier.
It is just one of those bizarre things about our culture. I am sure some will disagree with me on this but I hate how so many people in society today expect us to congratulate a woman when she becomes pregnant, regardless of the circumstances. In most cases, that is totally reasonable and expected. However, I have a real problem with people congratulating teenagers on having an unplanned pregnancy but people do it all the time. I feel that it almost encourages them and makes them feel as if it is something to be proud of. While no child is a mistake, I don't view an unplanned teen pregnancy as an accomplishment.
HAHAHAHA exactly!!
I got pregnant when I was 20 yrs old and unmarried. You wouldn't believe the people who fell over themselves telling me it was perfectly okay that I was having a child alone. I would respond by telling them, "No. It's not okay. I was careless and now this child is starting his life at a disadvantage."
When my mother-in-law past away, my husband and I thought we were at the wrong funeral! People went on and on and on ad nauseam about how wonderful she was. She never complained. She never yelled. She was always so pleasant. To this day, I have no idea who they were talking about! And many of these people who were sobbing and going on worked at her nursing home. Was she drugged all day? All that woman did was ***** and moan according to my husband.....I know her to be a major complainer about every thing. No idea how she became a saint.
My mother is still with us and I can only imagine the wings she'll earn when she passes away.......meanwhile she should be surrounded with pitchforks on fire for the things she has done to us children during our lifetime.
Nobody is perfect; we all have bad traits. If you love someone, you look beyond that. Once they are gone, you miss the good trailts so much (usually) that you forget how frustrating they were in this life.
I've always wondered about that also. I worked with a guy who just HATED his father. His dad abused him, cheated on his mom repeatedly, ended up marrying a stripper, hit on his female friends all the time, and drank non-stop.
The minute he died, this guy raised him up to sainthood, and now goes on and on about how he was the best dad ever, that he wished he was half the man his dad was, and on and on.
I just don't get it.
Maybe the son is envious but lacks the courage to emulate his booze-hound loathario dad. Just a thought.
If a person was rotten when living they are not any better when dead. I know a lot of people who were not nice people when alive, and I don't feel any need to glorify them just because they passed on.
Out of respect I guess. The fact that they passed, whatever happened happened and so time to put it behind you.
Just my two cents.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
