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View Poll Results: Would you correct a stranger's behavior?
Yes; people need correcting sometimes 28 49.12%
No; it's better to mind my own business 29 50.88%
Voters: 57. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-29-2015, 06:25 AM
 
4,749 posts, read 4,312,116 times
Reputation: 4965

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Nope, people are crazier these days. I fear that someone will attack me, shoot me, slash my tires, etc.

I might make a comment to someone else. Such as the following: I was at the library using the computers to look up where a book was. A lady next to me was doing the same. There was a kid (probably middle school) that was watching porn on the library computer. He kept looking around to see if anyone was watching him. I wrote the lady a note asking her if I should say something. She shrugged her shoulders.
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Old 05-29-2015, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Princeton
1,078 posts, read 1,411,229 times
Reputation: 2158
Pubic Safety first, always.

We live in a brave new world and if your not frosty enough to recognize the fine line between normal and insane..

You can be smoked for breakfast very easily, there's plenty of wack jobs out there just waiting for direct contact w/ the enemy. You don't have to be in Iraq or Outpost 25 to see this everyday with people who are off their meds and their rocker.

Let it go, it's best to drive on and if need be, call the cops. No direct contact, ever. Stay Frosty, Stay Smart, Stay Safe.
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Old 05-29-2015, 07:21 AM
 
12,003 posts, read 11,854,088 times
Reputation: 22684
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkmani View Post
Nope, people are crazier these days. I fear that someone will attack me, shoot me, slash my tires, etc.

I might make a comment to someone else. Such as the following: I was at the library using the computers to look up where a book was. A lady next to me was doing the same. There was a kid (probably middle school) that was watching porn on the library computer. He kept looking around to see if anyone was watching him. I wrote the lady a note asking her if I should say something. She shrugged her shoulders.

Most public library computers have blocks in place to avoid just such scenarios, and many require patrons to sign or click online agreements that library computers will not be used to view porn. In this case, reporting the young offender to the library staff would have been appropriate. Just notifying another library user about this is ineffective, as you discovered.
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Old 05-29-2015, 07:40 AM
 
12,003 posts, read 11,854,088 times
Reputation: 22684
I have spoken when I've witnessed a small child in danger, and also when I've seen children victimized by excessively harsh "discipline", verging on abuse.

I also spoke up, quietly, to a young man who was part of a group of young men who'd spent the previous night on the town, and who were eating breakfast at the hotel where I was staying. Their accounts of their nocturnal adventures became louder and louder, and on particular young man's vocabulary, obviously lacking, began to include gratuitous four-letter words of the most offensive kind at an every-other-word rate. I tried to make eye contact and frown at him, but he was oblivious, as were his companions. The breakfast area included many families with young children, and it was clear that others were not comfortable with the situation (frowns, obvious attempts to distract children, picking up filled plates from the tables and leaving the room, etc.). So I got up, walked over to the young men's table, and said, "Excuse me - can you please clean up your language? There are kids here, and those aren't words I enjoy hearing on a Sunday morning" - all the while making strong eye contact and using my best authoritative adult-in-charge-of-kids manner.

The young man apologized - probably was embarrassed at being called out in front of his friends - and the group immediately quieted down.

But you do have to pick your battles, before speaking up, I think. This was a case of immature late-twenties young guys, in a semi-public place, behaving inappropriately and inconsiderately for that place, although the behavior in a bar or other place without kids and families around would not have resulted in me intervening.

However, I'll intervene if I see a child being mistreated, any time, any place. Often it's possible to catch the parent's eye, smile sympathetically, say something like, "Wow, he's really having a bad day, isn't he? How old is he? (it's usually a toddler). That's a tough age - they can turn from little angels into little devils so fast. Hi, there, little guy (to the child) - are you mad? Oh, my goodness. Don't you have pretty hair!" (or eyes or a bright red shirt, or anything at all to distract the child and change the mood and help bring the parent down).

Usually this works well, if the situation is due to a stressed, often inexperienced parent who has reached the end of their rope and has lashed out because of this, but occasionally it can boomerang. I've been known to call 911 about a particularly bad, physically and verbally abusive situation I witnessed and was unable to deflate with this technique.

I should note that everyone in my state is legally a mandatory reporter of child abuse and neglect. Sometimes there's a fine line between poor parenting and actual abuse, but I'd rather err on the side of caution, when a child's well-being is at stake. If speaking in a non-judgmental and friendly way to the parent (or grandparent, or other child care provider) is ineffective, then I'll make the call. You never know when a situation may escalate - towards the child - and tragedy may result.
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Old 05-29-2015, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Dallas, TX
2,346 posts, read 6,911,741 times
Reputation: 2324
Quote:
Originally Posted by G-fused View Post
... the other driver isn't going to do anything different or learn a lesson.

This.

I have occasionally teed off on someone engaging in inconsiderate behavior. Every time, I've regretted it.

There's only downside, no upside. You MIGHT get a mumbled, insincere apology that won't make you feel any better. You're far more likely to get an angry response or outright denial, therefore ruining everyone's day even more.

Either way, there will be no "learning" going on, and the OP's friend is kidding herself if she thinks otherwise. She's not a parent or schoolteacher, so for her, pointing out rude behavior is, itself, also rude behavior.
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Old 05-29-2015, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Wartrace,TN
7,998 posts, read 12,695,543 times
Reputation: 16313
I've told guys to pull their trousers up at a store a couple of times. Nobody needs to see their a&& crack.
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Old 05-29-2015, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
7,087 posts, read 8,611,008 times
Reputation: 9978
I don't really see why it's someone else's concern or business that "there are children around." That's their problem. Those guys were sitting at the table enjoying their breakfast like everyone else. Now being too loud is annoying but if someone came up to me and said anything about my private conversations I would tell them to F off and have done so before.

I was at PF Chang's in the afternoon with very private booth seating and I'm telling this story about my friend from college which included HIM saying the F word, so I quoted him, and continue telling my story not at all loudly. Regular tone of voice. Then this old couple behind us who hadn't said a word to each other the entire meal start making a scene. The lady turns and tries to scold me for saying one swear word in a quote of someone else! I immediately told her to mind her own business. She starts mouthing off further and I told them both to F off, you want to hear some swearing? Get the F out of my business you old a-holes! I know swearing when I want to swear. They start talking to the waiter and he's like yeah sorry nothing we can do, that's not our business.

Dang right. Mind your own business. Nobody cares if you like or don't like what someone else is saying. Being loudly disruptive is not polite and annoying beyond belief but people talking regularly at a table have the right to say and use whatever language they so choose and if you have kids you can kindly leave and take them home if it bothers you. My world doesn't revolve around snot nosed little brats or for that matter idiotic old people.
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Old 05-29-2015, 03:31 PM
 
179 posts, read 149,105 times
Reputation: 545
I might think bad thoughts, but probably aCT on them.

It'seems the premise of that stupid ABC series, What Would You Do? with John Q. They set up scenarios with actors to see how people react. They get all whipped up if someone actually minds their own business. Sure, ABC staffers step in if things get out of hand if someone does react. Do you want to test your luck, hoping there is a hidden camera and John Q. around the corner? I wouldn't.
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Old 05-31-2015, 01:53 AM
 
Location: Buffalo, NY
605 posts, read 489,589 times
Reputation: 888
Quote:
Originally Posted by noslrac View Post
Do you want to test your luck, hoping there is a hidden camera and John Q. around the corner? I wouldn't.
if I happened to be in northern New Jersey at the time, I might take my chances

(majority of their stuff is set there...good/entertaining show, in my opinion)
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Old 05-31-2015, 02:01 AM
 
Location: Buffalo, NY
605 posts, read 489,589 times
Reputation: 888
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
Speaking of correcting people in public, and the above, one time I was shopping with my girlfriend and she said, "Excuse me" as she walked in front of a guy in the aisle looking at soups or whatever. He grumbles loudly, "You can say excuse me, you don't just walk in front of people!" and she said, "I did say excuse me!" and I confirmed, "She said excuse me dude." He starts arguing with us, and I don't take that, I take ZERO backtalk from anyone before they get Angry Jonathan and you really don't want that. I told him to go F himself and get the H out of here. He takes a few steps towards me and I take one towards him and uttered my phrase. He backs away and starts walking and I said, "Yeah that's what I thought! Get the F out of here!"

So when you're correcting someone in public -- because of your bad hearing -- you may want to consider there are nightmare people out there like me who are more than happy to entertain your anger. I have no problems with that. I like yelling back and have never stood down from any confrontation.
I think you might've misinterpreted what the guy said. I don't know if his intonation backs up my hunch, but I'm guessing that by "You can say excuse me, you don't just walk in front of people!", he meant "You can say excuse me, but you don't just walk in front of people!" In other words, whether you say excuse me or not, you don't do what your girlfriend did. If that's how he meant what he said, then, in my opinion, he's right--if you're obviously going to interfere with someone, say excuse me first, then wait to them to acknowledge you and move by them once they've shifted to the side or whatever.

Having read both your posts in this thread, you sound like you need to chill a little bit. You sound like you're prone to needlessly escalating a situation as opposed to interfering in order to keep the peace or right a wrong. Not cool, and not all that smart. No one's stepped towards you yet in response to your favorite phrase, but that one time they do...maybe Portland will mellow you out.

(given my response to you, it should come as no surprise that I too will call people out in public, right)
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