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I guess I still am just working on self-esteem issues. Like I said I am not a bad as I was. There is a big part of me that knows I deserve friends who care about me.
She doesn't deserve your friendship. Be nice when you run into her but move on with life and discover all the great folks out here!
I guess I still am just working on self-esteem issues. Like I said I am not a bad as I was. There is a big part of me that knows I deserve friends who care about me.
My dad once told me that I would be lucky to have 2-3 really good friends in my lifetime. I was a relatively popular teenager with dozens of "friends" at the time. 20+ years later, I now realize how exactly right he was. When people do stupid things like use party/vacation/dinner invitations as leverage in your relationship, you need to leave them where they lie. Life is too short to put up with that nonsense.
The way she used you to move her furniture would bother me more than not being invited to a party. She sounds like a user, and the world is full of them. It is up to you whether you allow her to continue using you or not. If it were me, I would not be there for her anymore. A true friendship involves giving from both parties, and you have done all of the giving while she just takes.
Exactly, in fact of the few things I will NOT do for any friends or relatives is help them move. Ridiculous to ask people to move heavy objects that could result in an injury.
Especially when you're over 50.
If you can't afford to get movers, don't move.
And to have them stand there all dressed up and not helping, no way.
OP, sorry but you're ridiculous. I would have taken one look at her said "How are you going to move furniture dressed like that", when she said she wasn't. I would have looked at the man you brought and said "let's go".
Your damn lucky one or both you didn't need to call 911.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleveland_Collector
My dad once told me that I would be lucky to have 2-3 really good friends in my lifetime. I was a relatively popular teenager with dozens of "friends" at the time. 20+ years later, I now realize how exactly right he was. When people do stupid things like use party/vacation/dinner invitations as leverage in your relationship, you need to leave them where they lie. Life is too short to put up with that nonsense.
I would have asked her outright IF she "thought my invitation got lost in the mail?" the day of the party, just to see what she would say!
Maybe it DID get lost in the mail, maybe she simply {believe it or not} assumed you'd come, knowing about the party.
Maybe she doesn't realize she forgot to invite you {really!}.
Why do I say that? We have very close {family-like} friends. Whenever they mention things like: their wedding, older-age celebratory B-day parties, etc. I ALWAYS ask :"so we are invited then"? Assuming they are offering one by round about way. The answer is, "of course, why wouldn't you be"? I have explained MORE than once, I DON'T "assume" anything by casual mention of a party! {there have been "special parties" we were not invited to-purposely. These being business-related or the like}.
Next, you have to get used to the fact SHE used you, but you also offered by showing up to do so. NEXT TIME you are asked by ANYBODY for help moving...always ASK: "What will I be moving, and how long will it take''? That SHOULD give you an idea. If Not, say "I only have a tight 1 1/2 hours to give you, and I DON'T lift over 20 lbs"!
Also, SHe has shown you her "true colors"....there is a quote by, Maya Angelou that goes like this: "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time"!!!
Lastly,
IF that had happened to ME, SHe would "no longer be my "friend'"...forever. No do-overs. i have dropped so-called friends before, for various reasons, and probably will do so again in the future.
I wouldn't even bother meeting her this weekend and would cut her out of my life completely. If you feel the need to see her I'd ask her what was up with the party and guage her reaction. I find it interested that she couldn't find anyone to help her . Thats because everybody else knows she's a user, probably even most of her party guests think it also, but they'll soak up the party food all the same. She won't change and if you meet with her this weekend I'd just make it the last time. Just ignore her calls from now on and block her number.
This person is a user who has found someone who lets her get away with it - you. You have said in your post that you have a friend that you go to and can trust to talk to. That person is your friend.
You need to be pleasantly, but firmly unavailable when this user calls. And do not prolong the conversations or she will go into win-the-Oscar mode to break you down.
The furniture moving thing she brought up that she had asked a few people who she had done something for in the past to help her and no one had gotten back to her. She said she didn't know what to do because they had to be moved by a certain time. So I found myself offering to help. (That's how I am and I am changing that "way" from now on after this!)
That poster is right...I was ridiculous! We are both lucky that we didn't end up with major problems. We had to lift those up high and turn them sideways to get them through narrow passageways. I was crazy! It will be the last time I ever do anything that crazy again. (My guy friend recently was thinking about buying a piano--because it went at auction so cheap--I just told him he needs to line up a mover because I am not able to help him. He acted like he could change my mind--no way--a piano is even crazier than a sofa!)
I agree with all of you posters. And I do remember thinking what a fool I was when I thought I was going to have a heart attack moving them. I was smoking during that time--totally out of shape. (Recently quit and now am walking everyday).
I agree with other answers. You may be her friend, but she's not yours, and only wants you if she needs you, or has nobody else at the moment. Seems like you're better off without her. My grandmother says this is one of the reason she doesn't trust other women for deep friendship.
But I know the feeling. I always felt that way with any "friends" I had. But being older, I can say they weren't friends. They were acquaintances at best. They could hang out with me on a shallow level, but nothing deep. And in one case, 1 girl hated me, or very least didn't care for me, but I just didn't care an continued to hang out with her anyhow.
This was ages ago. But after a while, I just kept to myself and stopped bothering. Not the best solution, but it's just what I did. Now, I have become almost indifferent to people, unless it's a man I have some attraction toward. If I am out,, I usually have my earphones in, and am in my own fantasy world.
It is extremely hard for me to just cut someone off. I feel too much for people. Get too close to them. They could (and have) treated me like dog doo doo and me--having an excessive guilty conscious--have ended up apologizing to them. I am so much better than I was. Still lots of work to go on me yet. I know.
I understand that when the phone doesn't ring as often as it should that it seems that the price of admission to friendship is allowing oneself to be used when it's convenient but yet being left out of "Class A" friendship activities. The temptation to get any attention is better than none the subconscious thinking goes but that is not true. Each slight (and it seems there have been many) reinforces your belief that you can only have this type of unfulfilling one sided relationship. I'm sorry that this is happening to you but it's up to you to put a stop to it. If you can't "cut off" people, allow them to fade away. Make excuses to dodge the requests for free labor or the arm chair psychologist role and that person will dump you as soon as they figure out that you aren't available to be used. I know that this too will be painful but you must for your own good part company with people that misuse your good will. Instead fill your time with a worthy cause that could use your help. I'm pulling for you.
OP, sorry but you're ridiculous.
Seriously? Here is a nice person (even if too nice) looking for our input and help. No need to be smug and superior, I woulda, blah, blah, blah. People in life are learning different lessons. You may be beyond the lesson of letting people walk all over you but Rose is not. Give her a break.
Last edited by AK-Cathy; 07-11-2015 at 07:49 AM..
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