For whatever reason, I can't connect with my peers (siblings, person, children)
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I'm twenty, only child, and for the most part "normal" (whatever you define as normal) Even as a small child, people my age have never really liked me. Sure, I had some friends in childhood, but they were more like "in school" friends. I've always had more of a connection with much older people. Even today, I get a more positive response to people much older than me. Versus people my own age, who seem to be my worst critics. I know I shouldn't care what other people think of me, but it's a part of human nature. We all want to belong. Caring what others think is a sign you're human.
I was an only child growing up in a rural-ish area with no other children my age. I also had undiagnosed ADD, which made social interactions problematic - I had no idea how to read social cues. I got along much better with older people who were more inclined to cut me some slack.
At your age, I was still basically socially feral. By 25, I was a completely different person, but trust me, you do not want to go through the trial-by-fire that I did. I'm going to offer some advice that is a bit less dramatic.
1) Find yourself a retail job that will bring you into contact with your peers and that is a store you enjoy. Gap? Old Navy? Barnes & Noble? I did this, and it opened my world to an amazing degree.
2) Go to events and meetup groups for people your age and FORCE YOURSELF to talk to people. It's hard, but you can do it. And what do you care? You don't have to see these people again if you don't want to. I'm part of a creative writing group now, and I get along great with the people in it.
3) In general, reach out. Be friendly. Ask people non-invasive questions about themselves.
4) Get yourself a dog if you're inclined towards pet ownership. I've met wonderful people because of my dog.
5) Don't worry too much about the ages of your friends. Mine span the spectrum from young people that could be my kid (your age) to retired adults. In a few years, the age of your friends will be largely irrelevant.
6) Really an addendum to all of the above, PURSUE YOUR INTERESTS. If you're interested in a topic, a hobby, a group, well then go participate and explore it. Ask questions of the people you encounter. Try new things. You will meet people.
In general, you have to open yourself to the world around you. It's hard and it's scary, but in the end, the results will be good.
Yep. I think that's an oldest/only thing a lot of the time. I am the oldest of a host of immediate arrival, close together siblings. I was pressed into "little mom" service as soon as I could be helpful, my only real companions being my books. I grew up in ways mentally and physically before my time but socially was well behind the curve. I had a reader's vocabulary, a serious nature and an intuitive grasp of adult issues/concerns. Until HS almost all my friends were older or were boys. The pattern continues to this day. I have no advice but FWIW, I understand.
I've always had more of a connection with much older people.
Even today, I get a more positive response to people much older than me.
.... The above quoted section is key, in my estimation. My sense is that you've always been ahead of your time, so to speak, being more mature than the vast majority of your peers as you continue the aging process. It's one thing to consciously understand that our happiness does not depend on what others think of us, yet desiring acceptance & approval from some of those of our age group is often a real challenge & rather difficult to avoid. Myself, being 62 now, the pull for such personal appreciation remains though certainly it's far diminished from what it was 4 decades ago. When reaching 120 years old then it will mean nothing.
.... Never stop caring. Perhaps one day you'll change your C-D forum name to reflect something else other than coming across as being saddled with being anti-social. You are here being social now, correct? Yes, indeed.
It was the same way with me when I was your age and younger. It is a sign of your maturity and intelligence that you connect more with people older than you. Soon your peers will "catch up" with you and you will find that you will be able to be friends with people of all ages--even younger.
I was an only child growing up in a rural-ish area with no other children my age. I also had undiagnosed ADD, which made social interactions problematic - I had no idea how to read social cues. I got along much better with older people who were more inclined to cut me some slack.
At your age, I was still basically socially feral. By 25, I was a completely different person, but trust me, you do not want to go through the trial-by-fire that I did. I'm going to offer some advice that is a bit less dramatic.
1) Find yourself a retail job that will bring you into contact with your peers and that is a store you enjoy. Gap? Old Navy? Barnes & Noble? I did this, and it opened my world to an amazing degree.
2) Go to events and meetup groups for people your age and FORCE YOURSELF to talk to people. It's hard, but you can do it. And what do you care? You don't have to see these people again if you don't want to. I'm part of a creative writing group now, and I get along great with the people in it.
3) In general, reach out. Be friendly. Ask people non-invasive questions about themselves.
4) Get yourself a dog if you're inclined towards pet ownership. I've met wonderful people because of my dog.
5) Don't worry too much about the ages of your friends. Mine span the spectrum from young people that could be my kid (your age) to retired adults. In a few years, the age of your friends will be largely irrelevant.
6) Really an addendum to all of the above, PURSUE YOUR INTERESTS. If you're interested in a topic, a hobby, a group, well then go participate and explore it. Ask questions of the people you encounter. Try new things. You will meet people.
In general, you have to open yourself to the world around you. It's hard and it's scary, but in the end, the results will be good.
I'm the same way. I'm also an only child and I think that has something to do with it. I spent the majority of my time growing up with adults and have always been more mature. I didn't have cousins either, so at any family functions I was always the only kid there. I'm guessing you might be in college since you're 20? I'm 27 now and actually found it much easier to make friends after I graduated and was around a more diverse set of people, rather than everyone around me being my age (like it is when you're in school). Most of my friends are in their mid-30s and some are even in their mid-40's, and I'm okay with that!
I've always had more of a connection with much older people. Even today, I get a more positive response to people much older than me. Versus people my own age, who seem to be my worst critics. I know I shouldn't care what other people think of me, but it's a part of human nature. We all want to belong. Caring what others think is a sign you're human.
I'm the same way with older people, I've always been able to talk more and connect with them more easily (I'm 34 and the youngest of three children). People my own age seem to like me, it just seems I'm not able to become very close to them. I don't have all that many friends but the ones I do have are much older than me (including my fiance). The one closest to my age is about 7 years older than me and then there's one that's about 15 years older. The rest are much older than that, around my parent's age.
Location: Northern Ireland and temporarily England
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anti_Socialite
I'm twenty, only child, and for the most part "normal" (whatever you define as normal) Even as a small child, people my age have never really liked me. Sure, I had some friends in childhood, but they were more like "in school" friends. I've always had more of a connection with much older people. Even today, I get a more positive response to people much older than me. Versus people my own age, who seem to be my worst critics. I know I shouldn't care what other people think of me, but it's a part of human nature. We all want to belong. Caring what others think is a sign you're human.
I'm the same. Most of the time when I am in a room with people who are 18/19 I end up sitting there either saying nothing or having a conversation that goes nowhere.
Either I am too mature and focus on things that older people would discuss or these people just have nothing in common with me.
It's weird though. Men are even worse, I can't even have a conversation without getting bored stiff. I hate football.
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