Who gets the grandmother's ring? (wife, boyfriend, person, member)
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Before you answer that, here is some background information. My grandmother passed away two years ago. My mother had power of attorney due to her being unable to care for herself or her finances for a few months prior to her death. My aunt (my mother’s sister) and my mother inherited what little money my grandmother had left, everything was split 50/50; but anything valuable (ie. her wedding ring) was given to my mother. My aunt had 24/7 care and was unable to care for herself due to medical issues as a result of a long history of prescription drug abuse and my cousin was her power of attorney because she made a lot of poor choices with money herself. My aunt passed away one year ago and left everything to my two cousins.
My cousin got engaged about a year and a half ago and asked my mother for my grandmother’s ring. My mom said no, that it was the last possession she had of her mother. Although she has no real emotional attachment to it (my grandmother was abusive to her growing up,) it was still her mother's. My boyfriend and I are getting engaged soon and I know that my mother would be willing to give it to me, but she knows that it will cause problems with my cousin because she asked for it first. She does not want my cousin to think that she is playing favorites, and worries my cousin will say that half the ring is hers by way of her mother.
Initially, my mom thought of selling the ring and splitting the money between the four grandchildren to avoid this issue. My cousin was against this idea so my mom did not go through with it. Now my mom does not know what to do with the ring. She doesn’t wear it and my brother (the only boy out of the four of the cousins) does not want it. I’d gladly accept it, it’s a beautiful ring, but I’m not sure what the proper etiquette is in this situation.
I honestly don't know who would get the ring in this situation, since it now belongs to my mother. Any thoughts?
It belongs to whoever your grandmother left it to.
My grandmother left me quite a few things. The executor of her will didn't abide by the will and kept things she had left for me.
They are things. My grandmother is gone. I hope he is enjoying them and it is on his conscious. I miss my grandma, not her stuff.
Do yourself a favor.....get a different ring. Let your mom and your cousin deal with the ring. That ring of your grandmother's will always have all that negative stuff attached to it with your cousin and other things you brought up. I sure wouldn't want to start out a new marriage worrying about all of that.
My mother would like to give it to me, even if I just end up using the diamond for my own ring (the same thing my cousin would have done.) My mom won't wear it, it sits in her jewelry box and she would like to do something with it... but we want to avoid drama of any kind and do it the right way. I don't know if I'm overthinking it or what. My cousin had made a statement to my mom that she only got the ring because her own mother was not trusted enough to have it and that it was not "given to my mother" but that she took it when my grandmother moved into an assisted living facility (which we were told to take all valuables.)
It belongs to whoever your grandmother left it to.
My grandmother left me quite a few things. The executor of her will didn't abide by the will and kept things she had left for me.
They are things. My grandmother is gone. I hope he is enjoying them and it is on his conscious. I miss my grandma, not her stuff.
Do yourself a favor.....get a different ring. Let your mom and your cousin deal with the ring. That ring of your grandmother's will always have all that negative stuff attached to it with your cousin and other things you brought up. I sure wouldn't want to start out a new marriage worrying about all of that.
You're right that the negativity is attached to the ring... but it's also a beautiful ring and my grandmother did have her moments when she could be very kind. My grandmother did not have much when she passed away. She sold all of her valuables before my mom had become power of attorney and what little money was left was split 50/50 with my aunt. So, my grandmother didn't leave the ring to anyone really.
I guess if your mom and your aunt agreed that your mother would keep it, then it is your mom's to do with as she pleases. It could be me, but I guess if the only reason why it was your mom's was due to your aunt's drug abuse - then I don't see why she wouldn't allow the cousin to have it and can see why the cousin would be bitter/resentful and if I were your mom and didn't want it, would have given it to her when she asked.
Who is the elder sister, your mother or your aunt?
You've mentioned "valuables" (plural) and "all of her valuables." Is there anything other than the ring, like other pieces of jewelry, that your cousin might like?
If your mother is playing favorites, so what? Just about any mother is going to favor her own children over her nieces or nephews. If there's one ring, it can only be passed down to one person. Maybe your grandmother would have given it to your aunt, who would have given it to your grabby cousin. Wouldn't that be playing favorites too? Your cousin wouldn't be upset about unfairness then. Not getting the ring is her mother's fault, not yours. However, I am inclined to agree that an heirloom is probably not worth the aggravation it takes to fight over.
Best for you to have the ring and wear it on your right third finger.
My wife had to rings, One that we got married with (single diamond) and I later bought her a diamond cluster ring.
After her passing I gave the first ring to my stepson who wanted it for a 1st wife.....later got divorced and it's GONE.
Cluster ring I gave to my youngest daughter who was 16 at the time of her mothers passing.
Fast ahead I have a Grand Daughter in her early 30's and still single so I bought a single stone diamond ring for her to wear on her right finger for LUCK.......bingo she got married and I have a 4 yr old Great Grandaughtter for that ring.
So you could pass down that ring to the next generation.......never know.
My aunt was older. My aunt and grandmother lived together for a few years prior to them both going downhill---it was a disaster and they made terrible choices together. It was never really agreed upon who would keep it... when my mom had power of attorney, she just made all the decisions that would be best for my grandma. She had sold all of her nice jewelry, and the only thing left was her wedding ring and nice dishes (which my cousin got.)
My mom didn't take it because of my aunt's drug abuse... she took it because my aunt was unable to make decisions for herself and was easily influenced by members not in the family (she also sold all of her valuables as well---my cousin was very upset at this, as well as her buying an aid a car, that's when my cousin got POA) and she worried that my aunt would give it to an aid and we'd never see it again.
My cousin's biggest thing is that she got engaged first, so that is why she should have it.
To be fair, if my cousin really wanted it, fine... I'll be the bigger person and walk away... that's usually how things go in this family lol But then I know my cousins (sisters) would fight over it lol That's why I was curious what your thoughts were on who should get it and if there was some type of tradition I could go off on since it was never directly stated who would get it.
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