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I have 6 older brothers 3 of them are half and one of my brothers told me that our dad has another son out there because he told him. Today while my dad was driving me to pick up my car i asked him about it and he told me yes and what his name was and where he lives.
I asked him if he ever wanted to meet him..thats when my dad felt uncomfortable about it. He told me he promised the mother and her family he will never see them again because she was already married and her husband was in the Korean War.
My dad wants me to leave it alone..should i? My dad is 83
As I started reading your post I was eager to let you know that at 43 I sought and found my older half brother, and he has brought immense joy to my life.
Then came your father's promise to your brother's mother... and the fact that your dad does not want you to pursue it. I'm afraid I'd be inclined to honor his wishes so long as he lives. However, I'd also be doing some research! I think your dad might feel differently if he were to learn that the woman is no longer living - if that's the case.
I hope you'll find a solution that works beautifully for everyone, and that your brother will turn out to be a gift as mine is to me.
I would not feel bound by your 83 year old father's wishes in the matter, as a lot of water has flowed under the bridge by now. You should make your decision based on your own desires. Waiting until your father's death may be waiting too long. As stated by another poster, it's quite possible that the ex-wife of your father has passed on my now anyway. Indeed, that would be a good starting point.
I would definitely be extremely curious ! I think you should do some quick research on the family, find out where he is, current status (does he seem sane, any criminal history, holds a job, married) the parents living, deceased, divorced etc then go from there. If he seems pretty normal and especially if either parent has passed or if they divorced, I might proceed from there.
And if the brother doesn't know any of this? He may think the woman's husband is his father.
Other than your own curiosity what good could possibly come from this? It could be terrible for your half brother.
If he does know the truth he hasn't made an effort to find you has he?
^^^^ This.
My 69 y.o. brother has a child, from when he was 19.
We discuss it sometimes. By mutual agreement, we leave it alone. My brother has never made it hard to find him - anyone with an internet connection can easily do so. His stance is that if the child or her mother wants to find him, they can easily do so.
Maybe I haven't had enough coffee and am not fully awake...I am confused...Korean War? Not sure what that has to do with the promise.
Also, your father's promise...was it that he (father) would not contact the half brother of yours? He is, after all, the father's son and that sounds like a heartbreaking promise to make to that woman. It affects not only him and his son, but the siblings--you--and the others as well. I don't think your father was thinking very clearly when he made the promise to her and probably didn't realize the impact it could have on you.
Personally, I would look at it that the promise was made between the two of them and he agreed not to see the son. Were you even born at that time? Did he say "I promise to stay out of your lives and not tell/allow any half-siblings to have contact with him?" I don't really understand how your father could promise to keep you out of your half brother's life as well. Sounds like it is really not his place to make a promise like that and not really sure how he can control your life to that degree.
Like I said, maybe I am not fully awake and just don't "get it".
And if the brother doesn't know any of this? He may think the woman's husband is his father.
Other than your own curiosity what good could possibly come from this? It could be terrible for your half brother.
If he does know the truth he hasn't made an effort to find you has he?
I agree with this. He may believe his mother's husband is his father. I think it would just cause him pain and confusion. Some things are best left alone.
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! I think you should do some quick research on the family, find out where he is, current status (does he seem sane, any criminal history, holds a job, married) the parents living, deceased, divorced etc then go from there. If he seems pretty normal and especially if either parent has passed or if they divorced, I might proceed from there.
