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I am new in Germany and I live in a rented room, the flat belongs to a couple who are in their 40's and have no kids. The first days I arrived here around 6 weeks ago everything was perfect, the woman was too nice and she explained me all necessary (and unnecesary) to co-live together, a couple of weeks later the husband came home (he was somewhere) but the problem is: she is obsessed with cleanliness.
I consider myself a clean person, I always clean dust, toilet, baths and so on... my boyfriend sometimes tell me how clean was my previous house (when I lived in Spain)
The problem is, that this woman is extremely obsessed with cleanliness, but only in some concrete things, for example:
-In the kitchen she finds disgusting the typical breadcrumbs after preparing a sandwich. Which I usually clean and I am conscious. But we are humans.
-I must wrap in one or two additional layers all products in the fridge (including cold meat, chocolate, fruit... everything that brigns its own container)
- In toilete she wants always the lid dow, thing that, I am conscious I usually do, but yeah maybe sometimes I forget it.
The thing is, as I said I considier myself clean and I even bought additional clean products and cloths that she doesn't have in the flat, and use them also out of my rented bedroom, although I don't have to. I did this my first week here not only since her compliments.
But here comes what really annoys me, when she complains I usually say: Ok sorry maybe sometimes I forget to do/clen this or that, when I am in a hurry or whatever, and her answers (with a smile) always are: NO, IT HAPPENS USUALLY, EVERY DAY... or a couple of weeks ago I said sorry I didn't see it and she told me, this is perfectly visible
And what really annoymes me more: I usually find dirty sauce pans in kitchen that I have to clean to cook myself, I find used cottons in boudoir, they love cooking and some days the kitchen is totally blocked and I have to eat too late (other times they invite me)
Since the first compliment I try to control what I do or eat and sometimes the compliments are not according to what I do, for example she finds rests or mermelade in kitchen and I do not have mermelade! Or she found yesterday something dirty and I wasn't at home yesterday until late night...
I think maybe can be the man, but... what can I do? I can't say No it was your husband!!! I try to respect all the rules here but everyday there are more and more... I am silencious, I don't even have lunch or breakfast at home in weekdays as I do it a work and so on...
Can you give me your opinion about this? They are usually nice people but these things make me feel fad, could I also complain about her fails? because I find worse forget used cottons or dirty pans than forget the toilet open...
It's the firt time I share flat, help and opinions are welcome.
I think you need to find a new place. This will be an ongoing problem. Even if you defend yourself, always there will be a new issue about something in the kitchen or bathroom. Start looking now for another place to live.
You most definitely need to find other accommodations, this woman is an obsessive/compulsive control-freak and will never be happy with anyone who rents from her. Get out of there! I lived with someone like that once, and never will I put up with such an inhuman person again! Trust me, this woman lives to find the tiniest fault with anyone unfortunate enough to rent from her and make their life hell for it! She is a sick and twisted person everyone should avoid at all costs.
Her one driving ambition is to get someone to rent from her and then shame them with their "uncleanliness". She lives for that, trust me! Dump her pronto! Bail out of there ASAP!!!
Ok, your English is good but I think you mean "complaints" instead of "compliments" -- compliments are usually comments about good things, complaints are comments on bad things. :-)
There's always some adjustments when it comes to living with other people, but this woman does sound very controlling (wrapping everything two and three times in the refrigerator?) You are not going to change them. You can't really complain about her dirty dishes, cotton balls, etc., because it is her house. (I am assuming you are not on the lease, you are just temporarily renting the room from this couple.) Personally, I'd be looking for another place to live -- this kind of constant nagging and complaining would be too annoying for me to live with.
I think it's fair to ask for a meeting, where everyone sits down and discusses these issues. Choose just one or two things that bother you the most -- for example, being blamed for someone else's mess and not being able to use the kitchen because of dirty pots and pans. Don't turn it into a list of all the things that you hate about living there. They may have a couple of things, too. Then, if you can each agree to work on those few things, and NOT nag about things that weren't discussed. If you have regular meetings (every month or so), when everyone knows they will have a chance to talk about things, perhaps she won't complain constantly.
Depending on the result of the meeting, you can decide if you want to stay or find another place to live.
I think it's fair to ask for a meeting, where everyone sits down and discusses these issues. Choose just one or two things that bother you the most -- for example, being blamed for someone else's mess and not being able to use the kitchen because of dirty pots and pans. Don't turn it into a list of all the things that you hate about living there. They may have a couple of things, too.
NO!!!!!
The woman is a guilt/shame tripping and twisted control-freak!!!
I've run into them before and there's no point whatsoever in any sort of meeting or discussion. The OP needs to bail out out there as fast as humanly possible!!! Non-negotiable, it's just PLAIN OVER.
Asking for a meeting about it is the absolute stupidest possible thing to do! Just get the hell out of there! Don't waste your time on this horrid woman, that will only invite more shaming and guilt tripping which she will seize the opportunity to get very inventive about. Just get out of there! This woman uses shame as a weapon against anyone she can lure into her rental space. Dump her NOW!!!!
Like everybody said here, please do find other places. These people will NEVER change.
My ex boyfriend's mom is exactly like that. Everything has to be washed three times, vegetable needs to be washed by Organic Distilled White Vinegar, etc, etc.
She is not a bad person, she tried not to be bossy. But living with her is impossible. It looks like you are making each other uncomfortable, not fair for either parties. I would move to save my sanity.
Good luck with everything and I hope you are enjoying Germany.
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