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I got with my two siblings today and we went to our old neighborhood where we grew up. A ton of memories, but that's another story.
Anyway, our dad passed away six years ago. He is buried with our mom and although her name is already on the marker, our dad's isn't...yet. I'd been talking with my brother and sister about getting Dad's name engraved on the marker, and they're both all for it. Unfortunately, money's a little tight for them both. So I came up with the idea: I'll get his name engraved, and pay for it. I just figured that it's the least I could do, for my dad did have to provide for me a few times, even after I was grown - and it would (in my opinion) help to heal some long-standing personal pain (though I didn't tell my siblings this). Anyway, they strongly objected to my paying for the engraving, and I don't blame them really, but I want to get it done - I want closure. Would I be wrong in doing so?
I got with my two siblings today and we went to our old neighborhood where we grew up. A ton of memories, but that's another story.
Anyway, our dad passed away six years ago. He is buried with our mom and although her name is already on the marker, our dad's isn't...yet. I'd been talking with my brother and sister about getting Dad's name engraved on the marker, and they're both all for it. Unfortunately, money's a little tight for them both. So I came up with the idea: I'll get his name engraved, and pay for it. I just figured that it's the least I could do, for my dad did have to provide for me a few times, even after I was grown - and it would (in my opinion) help to heal some long-standing personal pain (though I didn't tell my siblings this). Anyway, they strongly objected to my paying for the engraving, and I don't blame them really, but I want to get it done - I want closure. Would I be wrong in doing so?
I don't get it -- why do they object? If they are "both all for it", why do they object if you go ahead and get it done?
I mean, it's been six years -- mark his grave, already. Sheesh. Why would they want to continue having y'all's father lying in an unmarked grave?
If they are objecting because they want to be involved, try to get them to agree to paying whatever they can, and then make up the difference yourself. I agree with dblackga. Put the name on the headstone; too much time has passed to let this linger, and it will only become more expensive to do later.
I got with my two siblings today and we went to our old neighborhood where we grew up. A ton of memories, but that's another story.
Anyway, our dad passed away six years ago. He is buried with our mom and although her name is already on the marker, our dad's isn't...yet. I'd been talking with my brother and sister about getting Dad's name engraved on the marker, and they're both all for it. Unfortunately, money's a little tight for them both. So I came up with the idea: I'll get his name engraved, and pay for it. I just figured that it's the least I could do, for my dad did have to provide for me a few times, even after I was grown - and it would (in my opinion) help to heal some long-standing personal pain (though I didn't tell my siblings this). Anyway, they strongly objected to my paying for the engraving, and I don't blame them really, but I want to get it done - I want closure. Would I be wrong in doing so?
I am sure that there is a range of prices on the cost of engraving on an existing headstone and perhaps a permit or fee, but come-on, how expensive can it be? When we added the date that our father died to our parent's stone they charged something like $5 a letter or number with a minimum fee of $50. Now, this was a smaller town a few years ago. But even if it costs, for example $200, that would figure out to be $66 for each of you. That is less than $1 a month for each of you since he died. Are they really that short on money that they couldn't set aside $1 a month? Sheesh!
Either it must be really expensive for some reason (size of letters, minimum costs, area of the country, travel fees or whatever) or they just don't care.
If it really is about the cost, I suggest that you pay for it all and ask you siblings to reimburse you when they can (and then just forget about asking them for the money).
ask them if you can pay for it in advance and they can pay you their share when they can. I would not do it against their wishes.
Agree with this. First, be sure you know why they objected. Do they maybe not really want his name engraved, or did they just not think it was fair for you to pay for all of it?
Assuming it was the later, tell them you feel strongly that this needs to be done now. Say you realize their money situation is tight. Then either insist you want to take care of it, for all you dad did for you, or let them know you'll pay for it now, and if they feel they need to pay for part of it, they can freely do so in the future when their money situation is better. But then forget about it and don't ever mention it or expect them to pay.
Unfortunately, in that situation, they may always feel bad they haven't paid you, even if you don't expect them to, and it could cause a rift in your relationship. It would really be best if you could nicely get them agree to let you pay for it all now, then everyone can move on.
One final case, if they insist on paying now and don't have the money. You get the quote, pay for it, then let them know their share is just $50 each, regardless of whether it was really more.
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