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I've never calculated the cost of going tons friends party, traveling to visit family or friends, etc. maybe you are in finance? But I've never spent time ruminating on the cost. I go if I want to, I don't go if I don't want to. I live with my decisions. Suggest you move on and do the same.
I've never calculated the cost of going tons friends party, traveling to visit family or friends, etc. maybe you are in finance? But I've never spent time ruminating on the cost. I go if I want to, I don't go if I don't want to. I live with my decisions. Suggest you move on and do the same.
Perhaps you have more money than other people have.
I always have to calculate the money. I can drive to visit my friend out-of-state or I can pay my electric bill this month. I can fly to visit my son, DIL & grandson or I can pay the mortgage and buy food this month.
Two years ago, my husband and I wanted to visit some close relatives for Thanksgiving day and we did not have the almost $100 to pay for gasoline to drive to and from their house. I was extremely sad and depressed that we couldn't go but I really could not afford it and I was embarrassed to ask someone for a short term loan.
HighFlyingBird, I hope that you realize how truly blessed you really are to not have money be a part of your decisions.
Perhaps you have more money than other people have.
I always have to calculate the money. I can drive to visit my friend out-of-state or I can pay my electric bill this month. I can fly to visit my son, DIL & grandson or I can pay the mortgage and buy food this month.
Two years ago, my husband and I wanted to visit some close relatives for Thanksgiving day and we did not have the almost $100 to pay for gasoline to drive to and from their house. I was extremely sad and depressed that we couldn't go but I really could not afford it and I was embarrassed to ask someone for a short term loan.
HighFlyingBird, I hope that you realize how truly blessed you really are to not have money be a part of your decisions.
It's true that we live a comfortable lifestyle. But we always do budget, not made of money. And I grew up as poor as an American can get. I missed both grandparents funerals, just missed my god daughters wedding. It's not like I am ms money bags here. But I still think the op is putting a price tag on friendship. It's weird to me. If I can afford to go and I want to go, I don't bemoan the cost. If I cant or don't want to...well then I don't go and I don't feel guilty.
It's true that we live a comfortable lifestyle. But we always do budget, not made of money. And I grew up as poor as an American can get. I missed both grandparents funerals, just missed my god daughters wedding. It's not like I am ms money bags here. But I still think the op is putting a price tag on friendship. It's weird to me. If I can afford to go and I want to go, I don't bemoan the cost. If I cant or don't want to...well then I don't go and I don't feel guilty.
I disagree with you and I'm a pretty objective person. But it's ok if I disagree. If I truly were putting a price on our friendship I simply would not have gone.
The bigger picture here is something many (not all of us) can relate to. And that is sometimes some of us do have to consider the pros and cons of doing something, even if it's for a close friend. The con, for me, is that I spent over $600 less than one week after a trip where I spent over $2000. (If you go back to the original thread you'll notice I was concerned about the timing I was given, but it wasn't really because I wanted things to be 'all about me', it was because I had to consider the COST of going to see her 3 days after returning from being out of the country for 2 weeks.) But the real con ended up being, that after the trip to NC I didn't even feel the friend appreciated me coming thereby my reasoning that I kinda wasted a ton of money. I may be living slightly comfortable but I'm not made of money either.
If given the choice to do this sort of thing or not I look back now and realize I would have 'rather' done it for someone that would have 'truly' appreciated it, understanding that I 'did' have to go out of my way to do it. I don't think I'm being selfish or wanting things to be all about me. This thread is moreso about how your friends will not always treat you like you would treat them. I think that's the takeaway really from this whole story. I'm not ruminating; just providing my updates and thoughts about this situation after it occurred.
Perhaps you have more money than other people have.
I always have to calculate the money. I can drive to visit my friend out-of-state or I can pay my electric bill this month. I can fly to visit my son, DIL & grandson or I can pay the mortgage and buy food this month.
Two years ago, my husband and I wanted to visit some close relatives for Thanksgiving day and we did not have the almost $100 to pay for gasoline to drive to and from their house. I was extremely sad and depressed that we couldn't go but I really could not afford it and I was embarrassed to ask someone for a short term loan.
HighFlyingBird, I hope that you realize how truly blessed you really are to not have money be a part of your decisions.
Am I really the only person who wouldn't expect someone to spend $650 to celebrate my birthday?? Just give me a call! I mean unless you were going to come visit anyway and the timing worked out. I do think more notice could've been given because it's usually cheaper to purchase tickets with advanced notice (although I do know some airlines have spur of the moment sales and you can still grab cheap tickets).
And I suspect in this case it's not the fact that she spent the money but the fact that the friend didn't really seem to care if she attended the party or not. If I am going to spend hundreds of dollars to come see you and you suddenly have more important things to do (and she knew she was moving ahead of time so it's not like a last minute emergency came up--that would be understandable) then I'm not going to be inclined to do it again. And it's not just the money, but the time spent, jetlag, etc. I don't get the comments about if you can't understand I need space then we're not friends. OP was INVITED to this party. It's not like she said "Hey friend you're moving across the country can I come visit for a week?" And it really does not take much to send a text that says "Thanks so much for coming to my party, it was great to see you!"
This sounds like a one-sided friendship to me, at least in this instance. I wouldn't put myself out to go visit her again...but that's just me.
I disagree with you and I'm a pretty objective person. But it's ok if I disagree. If I truly were putting a price on our friendship I simply would not have gone.
The bigger picture here is something many (not all of us) can relate to. And that is sometimes some of us do have to consider the pros and cons of doing something, even if it's for a close friend. The con, for me, is that I spent over $600 less than one week after a trip where I spent over $2000. (If you go back to the original thread you'll notice I was concerned about the timing I was given, but it wasn't really because I wanted things to be 'all about me', it was because I had to consider the COST of going to see her 3 days after returning from being out of the country for 2 weeks.) But the real con ended up being, that after the trip to NC I didn't even feel the friend appreciated me coming thereby my reasoning that I kinda wasted a ton of money. I may be living slightly comfortable but I'm not made of money either.
If given the choice to do this sort of thing or not I look back now and realize I would have 'rather' done it for someone that would have 'truly' appreciated it, understanding that I 'did' have to go out of my way to do it. I don't think I'm being selfish or wanting things to be all about me. This thread is moreso about how your friends will not always treat you like you would treat them. I think that's the takeaway really from this whole story. I'm not ruminating; just providing my updates and thoughts about this situation after it occurred.
That's the rub. You went out of your way for this person and it wasn't appreciated. The fact that the aunt was the one who thought it should be mentioned(as it should) that you came quite a distance and not your friend says a lot. How nice it would have been if she announced at the party on her own "and I want to thank my friend southkakkatlantan for coming, you know she just got back from Europe, flew home to Chicago, and than came here, now that's a friend".
And at some point you have to revaluate friendships, the fact that you mentioned earlier that two other friends didn't think you should go says something.
. How nice it would have been if she announced at the party on her own "and I want to thank my friend southkakkatlantan for coming, you know she just got back from Europe, flew home to Chicago, and than came here, now that's a friend".
I would find that odd if a friend made such an announcement at a party.
On another thread people were telling a poster that he needed to plan his own birthday and not expect others to do something for him. Now we have someone who has planned their own party, and its tacky? No matter what people do, someone will always complain.
Pretty much everyone I know throws their own birthday party, myself included. No gifts; just a gathering of good friends for a fun evening.
Reading this thread makes me glad that I have a year's notice to plan for my friend's 40th birthday destination trip.
I would find that odd if a friend made such an announcement at a party.
Why? It's an acknowledgement that someone went out of their way to get to your event. Especially if everyone else is local.
It's called being appreciative and thoughtful of others.
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