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I agree with you- if a friend, or someone you thought was a friend, no longer wants to associate with you, the person should have the decency to at least say so- and even offer an explanation.
Nothing good ever comes of this. I've tried to contact a couple of people who terminated contact with me, and they would not respond. One former friend told me she kept losing friends and never knew why. She pleaded with me to let her know if she ever did anything that bothered me because she didn't want to lose me as a friend. I finally did, after letting a bunch of things go, and she did the same thing that she complained about: she never contacted me again.
More recently I had an acquaintance who became difficult to be around. I got tired of walking on eggshells around her, so when she finally sent me an email that didn't set well, I didn't answer and haven't contacted her again. She would have become angry and defensive had I told her the truth. I don't need that kind of drama.
Fadeouts are probably the best thing you can do for yourself and the other person.
I've phased people out and have been phased out by others. I used to be sensitive about it, until I realized that relationships do run their course. This hasn't happened to me in a while, but I don't take anything personal. Life's too short. Good friends will stay. Not so good ones, will leave. Fact.Of.Life. But, no I don't feel the need to give, or be given a long drawn out explanation as to why I don't want to be friends any longer.
I think it's interesting that if you look throughout this board, you will see tons of posts with the advice "do the slow fade" or "drop her/him". Then when it's done to you, it's "wah wah, they dropped me," sometimes with "but I'm better off anyway".
I don't think this person dropped me like that. I think she just got fed up or else she really just wanted to move on to newer things which is totally fine, however, as I've just said i'd prefer if she'd let me know rather than just ditching me and leaving me in a position where I have to guess whether the friendship has ended or not.
Anyway, I am so over this at this point. I have totally forgotten about her and only remember when I go on FB and see her name. I am not even living in the same country as her at this point. I'd rather not think about someone who probably doesn't give me a second thought anymore, I've got more self-worth.
I just created this thread as a general reference for other people, I doubt it doesn't only happen to me.
I am experiencing this with a close cousin. After our last contact, I had later sent her one voicemail message and one another time, never hearing back - I figured she would call at some point. Then, it will hit me how long it had been. I honestly do not know what occurred, assuming she is upset. She is always busy and has her own family, but there always comes a time when she calls and we will have a marathon conversation. I have felt that possibly something became misconstrued that I might have said, that got back to one of her sisters (she does not get along with), possibly through my own sister.. again, not being accurate and only wonder.
In the past if there was a gap in communication and I inquired about it saying "I've wondered if you are mad at me for some reason", her response laughingly was "Don't you think that I would just tell you?" So, who knows? (I know I had mentioned, her usage of saying "anyways" over "anyway", and gently - but I can't imagine that was the reason). Anyway, I feel it is better to forget it, but has been baffling.
I have had a couple long-time friends in the past who I am unsure of "who let go first", but have no negative feelings about either. Another married a guy I felt I didn't relate to and had changes in her life. Actually, feeling this has had more to do with me and our lives becoming different. We move, grow and change. (Another who moved away who I thought was a friend, seemed to sometimes just need something from me. After a good conversation after her move, she dropped off -- and I don't mind).
I used to stress over such things, and yes I wished they would tell me why. Now I finally realize, if they couldn't give me the time of day, they're not worth my time and friendship. Life is much simpler this way.
I've cut "friends" off before for doing something terrible (found out one spread a nasty rumor) or not being a good friend (never asking how I am, only talking about themselves). I don't bother to tell them why, because frankly by that time I am so done that I won't bother wasting one single iota of energy on them. Really, if someone's not your friend why would they ever invest time to help you figure it out? Work it out for yourself.
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