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You're being kind, I would say "seething with resentment".
OP you'be been outright rude lashing out at people offering assistance on YOUR thread,
I have to believe from your posts here that you're no picnic for your family to deal with. You seem prickly and defensive at the smallest suggestion. I'm not saying your mom is right, I'm saying both of you can be wrong.
As the poster above suggests, you should consider counselling for your anger and for help building an adult relationship with your mother. I'm really not clear why it matters so much to you. Most adults see their moms periodically but have most of their social interaction with peers so they can shrug off their moms comments (or reduce the time together) and carry on.
I notice that also. I'm thinking this guys comes on here asking for advice, then get somewhat offensive in his replies if he doesn't like what people are telling him. Then he also calls someone a liberal, like why even go there. It really makes you wonder though, mom may actually not be all that bad.
Speaking of making decisions, I stay in the east of new orleans at my own place.
My part time gig as a security officer, I be at a post which is on the same bus route which is just on straight shot route from where I stay. I have a vehicle but I see the need not to use it because, it doesn't make sense to waste gas were I can get a bus pass and save a full tank of gas for other stuff (errands and such.etc along with if I'm called in at the last minute from my gig if someone does not show up ). Make sense? When my mother asked how I get to post and told her her how, she had a fit. Big time. "Oh' why you don't use your car why you have a car for anyway?"" " why you want to take a bus!?" I'm like "really?".
Stuff like this when told to her, along with coming up with and idea that makes sense she still won't get it and make it seems like it's dumb
You could answer this in one of two ways. (1) "Well, I think that taking the bus is financially prudent, because I can save wear-and-tear on my car, and save gas, so it will last longer. And then it'll stay in good condition longer, for when I need to use it to go places where the bus doesn't go. I also think that it's good for the environment to use public transportation instead of clogging up our streets with another single-occupant vehicle. And on top of that, I enjoy riding the bus; it gives me time to read or chat with the other passengers. So I get to work relaxed instead of stressed, which I think helps me do my job better."
Or, (2), "None of your beeswax!"
One of these responses will demonstrate maturity and good judgment, and might help you appear to be a responsible adult who knows how to make his own decisions. The other might shut her up, but will do nothing to change her opinion of you.
Mom's can be like that. Underneath it is usually wanting what's best for your offspring but it often feels like a power struggle for the young adult who is making a break from dependence.
The more you power struggle with her, even if it's just in your mind, the worse it will feel for you. If you take an adversarial stance with her that's what you'll end up with - an adversary. Do you want that?
What you've described sounds like the minor issues all people have with their parents to some degree and scarcely worth letting your ego get all tied up in a bundle. It's all normal. The more time you have proving yourself and proving to yourself that you are an adult the less this will bother you.
Story: At a holiday dinner my husband, parents and two children sat down to dinner. As I brought the meat platter into the room and prepared to sit down out of my mother's mouth came, "Lodestar, did you remember to wash your hands?"
Right in front of my children, for heaven's sake! And I was in my forties! The nerve!
And yes, for a second I felt like I was about three years old. But I wasn't. I was a strong, healthy woman with a family of my own, and a professional job. That old garbage from childhood stays with you a lifetime and you never know what will wake it up. When it gets awakened, unless you want something unpleasant to happen next, just shoo it away. It's no longer true.
And Mom? Give her a break. My mom had spent nearly eighteen years telling me to wash my hands. It gets to be a habit after all that time, I suppose. The more you don't need mom the more adjusting she has to do. As a mom I know this is hard for moms too.
My mom's dead. I wish she was around to remind me to wash my hands.
Get used to it. In your parent's eyes you'll always be 15.
I am so confused by comments like this one. Why?
My sons are adults now and I treat them like adults. My job was to raise responsible, independent adults, why would I still look at them, treat them like they were 15??!!
I get the OP's frustrations. She sounds like she might be jealous of you---which is a very sad thing for a mother to have that feeling. She should be proud of you.
Mom's can be like that. Underneath it is usually wanting what's best for your offspring but it often feels like a power struggle for the young adult who is making a break from dependence.
The more you power struggle with her, even if it's just in your mind, the worse it will feel for you. If you take an adversarial stance with her that's what you'll end up with - an adversary. Do you want that?
What you've described sounds like the minor issues all people have with their parents to some degree and scarcely worth letting your ego get all tied up in a bundle. It's all normal. The more time you have proving yourself and proving to yourself that you are an adult the less this will bother you.
Story: At a holiday dinner my husband, parents and two children sat down to dinner. As I brought the meat platter into the room and prepared to sit down out of my mother's mouth came, "Lodestar, did you remember to wash your hands?"
Right in front of my children, for heaven's sake! And I was in my forties! The nerve!
And yes, for a second I felt like I was about three years old. But I wasn't. I was a strong, healthy woman with a family of my own, and a professional job. That old garbage from childhood stays with you a lifetime and you never know what will wake it up. When it gets awakened, unless you want something unpleasant to happen next, just shoo it away. It's no longer true.
And Mom? Give her a break. My mom had spent nearly eighteen years telling me to wash my hands. It gets to be a habit after all that time, I suppose. The more you don't need mom the more adjusting she has to do. As a mom I know this is hard for moms too.
My mom's dead. I wish she was around to remind me to wash my hands.
Again. What do I have to "prove" if you've already done it for years?
I notice that also. I'm thinking this guys comes on here asking for advice, then get somewhat offensive in his replies if he doesn't like what people are telling him. Then he also calls someone a liberal, like why even go there. It really makes you wonder though, mom may actually not be all that bad.
You don't me and I don't know you.
And its obvious You haven't met her.
If you did , you will take all that(bet 100 dollars).
I have my own place. And before that I haven't been around mother as much mostly been staying with relatives and family members.
Every time I make a good suggestion or good idea, others would agree. Yet if its to mom. She gets and auttitube and criticize my intelligence and start saying stuff like " oh you want to do what you want to do" " how you make decisions?".
And after getting my own place, she fuss and complain about that.
Tell others and brainwashed them that I don't know what I'm doing and know nothing .
This year we both took the cdl test at a local dmv. I passed all parts including the driving part and got a cdl. Mom on the other hand didn't past the first part of the test.
Also, depending on a subject , if I say something that is right and true like for instance there's different types of cdls while she says there's only one. Shell say I nothing about it even though I would say to here to look it up if she does not believ me
And when someone tells her otherwise, shell try to justifyvjustify her guilt .
Plus she got a good husband who has a house. She still fuss about me and other stuff .
Tell her if she wants to argue about the truth, (see the bolded) to do it elsewhere not in your presence. You have no interest in discussing fallicies with her.
Tell her to stop arguing with you and talk like a normal person, not act like a nutt.
This is weird. She sounds very unstable and not very bright if she cannot even pass her CDL test.
She's trying to get your goat, immediately stop it. Arguing with your son as a way of life is not acceptable
Might be bad to you but thats just how it is. I was in my mid 30s when my dad passed and until the day he died I was a little kid to him. You just have to not think of yourself but be respectful of how THEY, your parents, see you (which is always, good or bad, as their child).
Always be a kid to them? Sure but that doesn't mean we don't treat them as adults.
We have a 24 year old who lives here with us, he works for Apple and attends College part time.
He is my friend, he is not a little boy anymore. He is my friend, equally, AND my child. I value his knowledge, his opinions and insight just as I do my other friends. I ask him for advice. I respect him. Respect is a two way street, once it is broken on either side, it damages the relationship
Last edited by OutdoorsyGal; 09-21-2015 at 01:18 PM..
My sons are adults now and I treat them like adults. My job was to raise responsible, independent adults, why would I still look at them, treat them like they were 15??!!
I get the OP's frustrations. She sounds like she might be jealous of you---which is a very sad thing for a mother to have that feeling. She should be proud of you.
As much as I absolutely love my Mother, I wish she had this attitude. She definitely treats me and my Brother (I'm 24 and he's 21) like were 10 years old sometimes...lol
My mother is like this occasionally, but my grandmother more so. My sister recently went to Spain, and my grandmother cried - because she left the country. She has left the country before. And lives 100 miles away - so she isn't even nearby anyway.
My sister is nearly 30, by the way.
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